DH sounds like he has a good head on his shoulders!

Perhaps think how you would feel if the roles were reversed. If you were helping your friend out how would you appreciate having to be second-guessed and nit-picked at everything you do. Sometimes we get so caught up in the worrying part, we forget how it makes others feel. In this case, you don't want to end up losing a friend.

Having said that- you must know I am a fellow worrier (is that a word?) I really need to work on relaxing about some things- best way for me is to see MY Mother in action- OMG- I DO NOT want to be like that- She is the worrying Queen-

Another suggestion is to have pics (I hope you have some saved) of where you started. Look around the rest of your house- until we started, I never truly noticed all the dings/crappy paint jobs, etc. Even though we both (DH and I) can see a few 'errors' in our work, we KNOW it is so much better than where we started from and PROBABLY better than any tradesman we could AFFORD to pay (if we had chose to pay anyone instead of DIY)

Last suggestion- if you feel you MUST point something out- try framing it in a self-esteem sandwich- ie, I like the job you did there: I just noticed a tiny ..., would it be possible to fix that?: I can't believe how much better it looks- thank you.

I am also a fellow DIYer and we also have to accept some things that I wish we could have done better...

Something makes me leery about your post though. Perhaps its just the terminology you chose but would you be willing to share some examples of the 'questionable practices'?

There are places where its possible to cut corners and places you really shouldn't. As long as everything is the former and not the latter, you're good. If you don't know which area it falls in then perhaps the forum can help?

Is the work permitted (and hence will it be inspected)?

As yet another fellow worrier, I am not the one to give advice on how to move on when spotting some errors or flaws. The only thing that has given me perspective recently is to remember some of my friends who are dealing with life and death issues. I know that's overly dramatic but that's what's been working for me.

And, FWIW, even if you had hired professionals, or paid top dollar for a contractor's work, you'd most likely still be finding these errors or flaws. I hope you enjoy your new kitchen!

Well, we DID hire skilled professionals, and I still had tons of things to nitpick. I couldn't not sweat the small stuff. So what I did was sweated it profusely to get it out of my system, and then moved on. Although I can still point out every single one of the nitpicks to someone if they asked me to, the nitpicks don't call my attention to themselves anymore.

The corners that are being cut have more to do with cosmetic work; "questionable practices" was too strong a phrase, I probably should have written "sloppy practices" ;-) I certainly do not fear for my safety regarding the electrical stuff they've done, in fact they corrected some dangerously spliced wiring that we never knew about (it was inside the wall).

Mainly the issues are that some of the ways our friend wants to do some of the cosmetic things. For example laying new tile flooring: some of what he wants to do is in opposition to what I've read that people reccommend (as in what NOT to do--specifically he wanted to tile over poor condition vinyl, which I convinced DH not to do, and wants to use pre-mixed thinset, which they will do even though I've read a lot of bad things about). The worst that can happen, I guess, is that the flooring won't hold up and will have to be re-done in a few years with a lesson learned. For now, though, I'm just trying to learn to stop focusing on the imperfections and stop arguing about small things--DH definitely trusts our friend above all else so my perfectionism is, for the most part, unwelcomed.

We had very little experience DIY but my husband has been handy. We DIY'ed our kitchen (almost done) except we got help hanging the cabinets (one guy and my husband did it). We've done our own plumbing, electrical, doors, windows, molding, and tons of other stuff. Books, the internet and just try seem to work for us. It's scarry trying something new, but its worked well for us. Many of the professionals seem to have less knowledge than us and wanted outragous prices (i.e. move duct work in the kitchen) which is one of the many reasons why we DIY even when we can afford to pay.

Don't cut corners - one nice thing about DIY for us is we buy nicer materials and cool tools, vs. cheap materials and paying for labor all within the same budget. If you are going to regret your choices due to budget, wait. If you are worried due to lack of skills, get some help.

I guess with stuff like that I

1. pick my battles: it doesn't matter to me if the inside studs of my closets are perfectly finished or I wind up not liking the colour paint I chose (it can be changed without huge amounts of cost or hassle); it DOES matter to me that the wiring is safe, the stairs are sound and the layout is going to work for the way we live)

2. I ask myself this question: what's the worst thing that can happen if X is left like this? If the answer involves potential danger, or it will irritate me SO much that I can't live with it, then I discuss other options. If not, then I think, "Is it really THAT important?!)

I think that remodeling can run the same risk as looking at a magazine of supermodels and then wondering why that dress doesn't "look as good on my as it did on her". It's EASY to "wishbook" through a magazine, or online pictures, or others-with-bigger-budgets-bigger-spaces-fill-in-the-blank-whatevers and be convinced that we are "falling short". But really, ultimately, perfection is over-rated. I reckon if at the end of all this my kitchen works, is aesthetically as pleasing as I can make it, and nothing annoys me so much that I can't see past it to take pleasure in the rest... then I've done ok. :)

Then again, maybe I'm just so used to older houses with anything BUT "perfect kitchens" that my standards are lower, but fwiw!

Ok, good. I'm glad its not a safety issue then :)

In that case, like the others I tried to assess the long term impact and future changeability. If I found one or the other of those things to be minimal then I just let it go. Sounds like you're already trying to do that :)

And you won't need to be around here long before you'll find piles of posts of people unhappy with professional work too (see biondionama's current thread)...

This is an excerpt from something I received in today's mail:

It's Thanksgiving afternoon. You've had turkey, stuffing potatoes, cranberries - all the fixings. You've had pie (both apple and pumpkin). And right about now you're thankful you're wearing pants with an elastic waist. It's time to watch another game or perhaps figure out which sales to hit with the start of the holiday shopping tomorrow. But isn't there something more to this holiday? Thanksgiving is the perfect opportunity to slow down and take stock of what's really important in your life. So before the meal, or right after, while everyone is still seated at the table, invite each family member to state something they're thankful for....Here are a copy of suggestions to keep the good thoughts flowing throughout all the holidays and into the upcoming year.

1. Accept, Acknowledge and Appreciate - Let these replace the Three C's - Complaining, Condemning and Criticizing.
2. Do something for someone else - those less fortunate than you.
3. Put it all in perspective - It's often easy to lose perspective on exactly how much we do have. It's easy to feel less than satisfied with your lot in life...Remember, what you have is always greater than what you need.
4. Focus on the positive - Keeping a positive outlook will change your entire perspective, as people have a tendency to remember the bad things as vividly as the good. Keep a gratitude journal containing only positive entries. Look for positive outcomes from tough events.

This goes on but I think the bottom line is to keep things in perspective. I'm a perfectionist, too, and we completed our kitchen remodel about 18 months ago. I know where you are coming from, but if you focus on the fact that you have a new kitchen and it's a great improvement from what you had before, your perspective will probably change. Get that positive journal going with daily entries - you'll most likely find you ease up.

As a last resort, ask yourself 2 questions that were regularly asked of me during our remodel - 1. Will this kitchen bring us world peace? and 2. Will this kitchen solve world hunger? Bottom line, it's only a kitchen.

Happy Thanksgiving.

i'm not diy, though i will not be using a gen contractor and am already starting to obsess about how i'll get things coordinated...that said, i think it is worse when you pay "professionals" who mess up. when you do it yourself, you accept that, and you know why everything has turned out as it has - good or bad. when you delegate/"abdicate" to others, i find it harder to except less than perfection -- and who is perfect? :) lots of luck with the project!

well I grew up in a house with a dad who never hired out anything. He was DIY before DIY was cool. My mom was the nitpicking queen from hell - and still is. she would get out the magnifying glass and go over everything and drive us all batty in the process. But she does that with everything in life - I tell her that as babies she probably inspected us from head to toe, noting every flaw (left ear millimeter lower than right ear, 2nd finger right hand curved slightly different than 3rd finger) ANYWAY, my point is that there is a point where some people get really really professional with DIY and there is a point where the rest of us get good enough with DIY. My mom expected professional results out of my teacher dad's DIY. Not going to happen. Nothing in my mom's house looks slapped together or unprofessional though and often people are shocked to hear the extensiveness of the work that my dad actually did there (and in my own home with my DH). My mom sees every flaw.

So what I do when I get consumed with DH and not doing things perfectly (even though I'm nowhere close to what my mom does) I go to a friends house and I'll look around with a critical eye (mostly when I'm in the bathroom) and I'll look at the rooms for what they really are, and find all the nasty flaws that you don't notice on first inspection. Overall these rooms are gorgeous but when you stop to look very very closely you'll always find errors. You're seeing those errors because you're there with them, day in and day out. Friends who come into your home most likely will not notice them.

Unless of course your DIY job is really sucky and there are some folks who just shouldn't DIY. But it doesn't sound like that is the case AT ALL.

I am such a perfectionist myself. I have to do it myself and obsess over every detail! Everytime I hire someone to do somthing I am never happy. Example is my cabinets, it is the one thing I didn't want to deal with and now deeply regret not doing it myself!!!

So my advice is do it yourself and definately sweat the details! If need be get a prescription for Xanax as will definately help with some of the sweating over details!!! ;)

Answer: Vodka. Preferably Stoli, straight up over the rocks!

Something I learned in grad school: Done is better than good.

As has been said, doesn't count for safety. But that's why the best customer service anywhere is from the gas company. If they don't respond promptly and well things go boom.

For the no boom stuff, like the tile, remember that what you've read about being the "right" way to do things is the ne plus ultra, the very highest point. Not quite so perfect can still be very good. And it sounds like you're making the "right" decisions on the "right" stuff :) That is, you can tile over flooring, but putting anything down over bad flooring, other than self leveling concrete or something, is a bad idea because usually the bad gets magnified each layer you go up.

On the other hand, they wouldn't sell premixed thinset if it didn't work. It might be a PIA to work with, and the harder it is to do the more likely there is to be a setting mistake, but it should work. The "best" way to tile is with wet mortar. It takes days to set during which no one can touch the tiles, but once it's set those tiles aren't going anywhere, ever. But then, if you want to change the flooring to go with the next kitchen redo, or just want to replace a cracked tile, it'll be a really major PIA to get back up again, so is mortar really "best"?

So long as you're getting results that are functional and look good, take a deep breath and give the friend a cookie :)

Wow--reading this has really helped! We are definitely getting functional results that I believe will, for the most part, look the way I like. Our friend has a greater attention to detail than DH, just not as much as me :-) Even though some things aren't perfect, they should be orders of magnitude better than before.

I am in agreement that cutting corners may not always be the best idea, but I'm not doing much of the actual work (I'm more of a support person) AND I'd like to still be married after this is all over. I think whenever I start feeling nitpicky I'll just re-read this thread. Thanks everyone!!!

Hi Melle, I do not have the answer to how not to nitpick, within reason you have to make your points known or if not done correctly it will haunt you. Years ago my husband and I gutted the master bath of a previous home, there was one tile he laid right in the middle of the floor that was hugely (to me) off on the grout line. Every time I walked into the bathroom, I saw nothing else but that crooked tile and to me it ruined the room. After learning my lesson there, on future remodels, DH knew I would insist rushed jobs are redone. We are opposites, he works and thinks fast with little prep and planning, I research each step and work slowing and meticulously. We actually work very well together because after twenty years I have finally convinced him that as we are opposites we need to join our strengths and become a superpower. If there is a little bump in the road, I remind him that everyone will be coming to look at our completed project and he would not want people talking about him behind his back if things are not right.

What you have is always greater than what you need.

I'm gonna try to remember to keep this with me.