I would feel frustrated, but I'm guessing he might not use email that much and maybe is slow typing, and overall more comfortable using the phone. If I was you, I'd try calling instead and see how that goes. However, be careful that you don't call him everyday and bug him to death! After your phone conversations, tell him you are going to send him a follow-up email, (for your records), ask him to just respond that he received it (so it's in writing). Make it a summary of your phone conversation, nothing new for him to respond to.

Building is stressful! (I'm on number 6!)

I have one of those - one man operations - and I do think you are expecting too much and if the contract is signed and you've already made 7 changes in the words of my husband "why bother responding because she'll make 7 more changes." Tinker is right about the email, they are builders not desk jockeys. So you can call! But you might reach a point where you have to leave a message. : )

Can you schedule a weekly (or bi weekly) call to discuss the checklist? I can't imagine he wouldn't be amicable to a 15 minute call at the beginning and end of the work week if he's a phone person.

I've always just worked through the architect b/c he knows well what's urgent in terms of design and structure. If you don't have that luxury, a weekly call is a real help.

Thanks everyone. He is actually serving the architect as well....truly a one man operation!
About a month ago, I tried to set up a weekly phone call, and he just said "you can call anytime". But when I do call, he calls me back from the car and usually does not have my floor plan anywhere nearby.
I guess I could try again to get him to commit to a weekly (or bi-weekly) talking time. I like the idea of asking him everything on the phone and then sending him a follow up e-mail. I'm also glad to hear that my expectations are too high...I needed someone to tell me that. Thanks!

If he's also the architect he must have a little desky jockey in him ; )

In a previous job, I had a client who was an "overcommunicator". He called and emailed with every thought that popped into his head. He didn't seem to have a filter as to what was just an idle thought or question, versus what was something crucial--they were given the same weight in his mind. Sometimes I would call back, and he would have already answered the question on his own. Sometimes I would call back, and he would change the original question to something else. Sometimes I called back, and he bombarded me with 20 additional questions. Unfortunately, it got to be the "boy who cried wolf" syndrome, in that I couldn't tell from his emails or voicemails what was something with urgency and importance versus what was something that just popped into his head. I had other clients, and many other tasks, and this client seemed to feel he was my only job. It got worse as time wore on.

I am only relating this to you to head off at the pass a similar pattern of "overcommunicating", if it is occurring. You could irreparably damage your relationship with your builder, such that he puts you on the bottom of his to-do list. I agree with other posters who said to save up your questions for a weekly meeting. Also, review the questions and ask yourself honestly whether you could answer them on your own, or here on this forum, or are they common sense type questions.

I think onedogedie hit the nail on the head - you're overdoing it - an email a day with questions/changes is a lot for him to deal. Unless, something's urgent, batch up your issues and limit yourself to one or two emails or phone calls a week. You do realize that changes cost money and if you keep making changes he can hit you up with change orders and run up your bill.

I think that one single "status" meeting (with questions) per week is sufficient communication for most long term projects like a home build. Of course, if something has a quicker timeline, like the windows must be decided on by next week, a question or two (by telephone) regarding that single issue is perfectly fine.

I have to say though, if you have so many unanswered questions and have so many changes right now, that you may actually not be quite ready to build and are rushing things. That's never a good sign. And, I also have to say that your "one man operation" is a bit of a red flag to me as well. One single person would have to be truly extraordinary to be able to be an architect, drafter, builder, and site supervisor combined. I'm not saying your guy isn't, but usually a lot more education and experience goes into a package like that and it doesn't come cheap--or without an office staff. Just be very very careful to document everything on this build, but especially the financial aspects, including change orders.

Hi Spider,
I guess I am in the minority here, but I don't think you are expecting too much (that said, I have enough insight to know I fall on the neurotic side re homebuilding!) You mentioned that in the planning stages your builder did answer email daily, so it is reasonable to expect you should be able to communicate that way. I can imagine that building long distance is very difficult, and without the ability to go by the job site regularly, you should expect regular updates from the builder-in addition to the back and forth about any questions that might arise from either one of you. I know your first post mentioned that your build is custom, so if you want to make changes it is important you hear back from him in a timely fashion so that you aren't forever being told that it is too late to make a change that could have been made if only you had discussed it when YOU first asked. And for the builder to have been so responsive initially and then stop when the build is underway is a bit of a bait and switch... It is during the build that communication is so very important! That said, you are right to wonder what else he may have going on that is currently taking up his time-he may be trouble shooting another project, and such situations are to be expected. But the best way to deal with it would be to explain you are uncertain of the best way to proceed in terms of accomplishing your goals, that you are a bit confused because email seemed to work so well before, and that you really need a definitive communication plan so that you are not made to feel ignored or that you are a bother. It is your house! It is important to communicate well throughout the process.

While I totally understand wanting to ask questions and make tweaks daily, you have to fight the urge a little (or a lot). I am afraid you are now on his "OMG - not her again" list.
I think you need to call him and acknowledge that you may have gone overboard with the frequency of your contacting him and that you will do you best from now on to condense your emails to 1 or 2 a week, not counting truly urgent issues.

I have a tendency to do the same as you. As a real estate agent on commission, I have to humor all clients and customers, so it is hard to understand that not everyone does business that way. My entire job is customer service, but he also has the job of actually building houses.

I find it helpful to start a list of questions on notepad on my computer and I send to to myself at home when I leave work and vice versa. This way, when I have a few topics, I bundle them into one email and oftentimes, delete/edit a few by the time I send it to our g.c. after I have had time to think about them or do research on my own.
Our project is an extension and reno, so less complicated in a lot of ways, so I can only imagine how hard it would be to not email or call a lot in your shoes.

Oh no!!! I don't wanna be on the "OMG not her again" list!!! But I can totally see that I probably am. I am so glad I asked here about it now! Please tell me it's not too late to repair the damage. If it helps at all, when I sent my e-mail Thursday, I started it by saying that I'm sorry if I'm overwhelming him with e-mails, but I'm worried about a change falling through the cracks. I also said I know he's very busy and has a lot of things going on, so hopefully my e-mails are helpful. (yeah, right) I actually do try to consolidate my e-mails, but then I'll forget something and e-mail him again right afterwards. WAAAHHHH! HE HATES ME!!!!! Even I hate me! I think I might try to disappear for a week and let him cool off before I approach the weekly meeting subject.
Thank you for your honesty everyone!

based on your story and seeing your GW postings i think you are not communicating effectively. it can begin to feel like a stream of consciousness barrage after a while due to volume. you want a method of communication that is effective and targeted. this applies to all aspects of your project - whether you are communicating with your GC, your kitchen designer, Garden web postings etc. while we want to believe we are the most important and only project for these GC's, the reality is we are one of several or many and we need to define a plan knowing this.

i am a project manager professionally and have the following suggestions:

A. defining the communication plan explicitly up front is critical. in this case i think the 1x a week, either by phone or in person suggestion is a good one. i would have the discussion on how he best likes to communicate and define a plan that works for the both of you and stick to it. i would also be sure you both agree on the standing agenda for this meeting. i am guessing you will want to cover timeline updates, open questions and project issues, budget update etc.

B. i would also be sure you personally have a method of organization for your project. if you do not have one already, put together a project binder that has the scope of work, contract, budget tracking spreadsheet, timeline and any other applicable details. consider this your bible until the house is complete and you move in. it should be your single source of information so you do not end up with piles of paper and scribbles all over the house and loose track of details.

C. i would recommend you start a running action register on your computer using word or excel. the action register is a tool that will allow you to track actions or open questions for your project. the columns would read from left to right as follows: item #, issue or question, date assigned, date due, owner, status. just start entering your issues or questions in the rows below those columns. excel is preferred as you can then sort and filter based on open or closed status. a couple of examples as follows:

1. provide specifications of range hood, date assigned: 10-aug-10, date due: 15-aug-10, assigned to: homeowner, status: complete.

2. Confirm if diameter of ducting needed for the range hood will require scope change and if so, updated cost date assigned 19-aug-10, date due 25-aug-10, owner: GC, status open.

when you meet with your builder in your 1x week meeting you can both reference this list and you can update based on outcomes of the meeting. this will build your project documentation you need and will help the two of you communicate.

am i suggesting you do a bit of project management even though he is the GC? yes. i think taking an active role in this will help you keep your sanity, enable the two of you to communicate and help keep the project on schedule.

hope this helps.

I think you're getting some great advice here. As a decorator, I always have clients second guessing their work, heck, I even second guess my work sometimes and I have learned to think things through when it comes to my own build. I set-up 2/weekly meetings with my architect/builder and hashed out everything on my list during those meetings. One thing to take note of as well is if you are changing/asking too many things at different times, something might get missed and ultimately lead to disappointment/frustration. Write down your thoughts and when you have that weekly or bi-weekly meeting you can go over those things. I guarantee you that by the time that meeting rolls around some of the things on your list don't seem *as* important as when you first wrote them down. Building a new home is hard work with lots of little things to think about so get yourself organized now because it will get worse as the build progresses but don't overthink every decision you are making or you won't enjoy the process.

Good luck!

You need to call him and ask him what is the best way to address little questions. Would he prefer email or phone calls? Ask if he reads email daily or would it be better for you to call him with small details. Or regular meetings. Just ask him!

Is he working on getting answers to your questions, and just not letting you know that he's working on it till he has an answer? Or is he just forgetting to follow through?

I would consider a phone call where I say, "I'm not sure what realistic expectations are, and I'd like to know how I can get my questions answered promptly without overburdening you."

Important -- if you get the line about "call anytime" -- make sure you push back with "I know it's hard to answer questions when you are in your car.... perhaps we could schedule a call on Tuesday mornings?"

I recommend NOT doing Monday mornings or any time on Friday for regular status checks.

Thanks everyone. I feel like I'm a teenager getting dating advice. Maybe he's just not that into me? LOL. Should I start playing hard to get?

Most of my questions are pretty easy to answer; I think he reads the e-mails and doesn't respond b/c he doesn't have time. I wish I had known going into this a better stratetgy from the beginning. You'd think he'd have enough experience to suggest phone meetings or something, but again, he probably sees people face to face most of the time.

Oh, and yeah, we are kind of rushing into this. We have to move by February and we started the build in July hoping that we wouldn't have to move into a rental place. We thought we were ready, but obviously, we were not. I didn't realize that we should have though through many more of the details before we started. Just mistake number 1,000 and counting.

I feel really down about the whole thing because I'm worried he damage has already been done and he will always think of me as THAT client.

I am an artist and I have all kinds of clients, super wealthy, famous and regular people. And at the design approval phase I make it very clear to them that I am available any time to discuss any thing.
So, some clients I rarely speak to throughout the project and others are breathing down my neck. The phone rings and I break out in a sweat when I see their name on the caller ID. I will eventually tend to their needs, but if I jump every time they call, they will begin to think they own me. I have let some calls sit overnight and others a few days.
Not too long ago a customer called 10:00 at night. OK, so am I on call? If I see a pattern starting, I try to nip it in the bud.
Although your builder should be more communicative, it's a slippery slope. And, I'm sure you are not his only client. But, it is not a lost cause. You and he entered into an agreement, and you are essentially, business partners.
When I am working on a project that includes an architect, a builder and an interior designer, we meet at a mutually agreeable time. And the client always comes with a huuuuge 3-ring binder at the ready. And it's not rushed. A lot gets done.
That's my perspective as a *GC*. I've also been the client, so I get it. I say, take Sunday off and dive back in on Monday. Make a schedule with your builder, know your timelines, be aware of the trades on-site and confirm deadlines are being met. And, don't forget to bounce ideas/thoughts/concerns off family and friends and, of course, GW.
And, you need to show up on-site, too. Take pictures while you are there to review them when you get back home.

So, hang in there, stay strong and positive!! I hope this helped, a little. Maybe you can post your progress and get feedback, step-by-step.

A lot of good advice above.

I will just add that the more separate and disjointed emails you send him, the more likely it is that something will fall through the cracks. Ironic, since you state you are sending him all the emails with changes and then more emails because you are worried about changes falling through the cracks. Experience says it will have just the opposite effect though.

You will be better served by setting up a regular communication point (e.g. weekly), documenting everything you want to discuss in *one* email before that call, and then going through your items point by point in the call.

Good luck.

These small company guys are not computer tech guys, they're on the job guys. Hands-on guys. Guys who define themselves as being the company. They assume you are hiring them for their expertise and don't like interference. Fewer of them have an Office Girl to answer the phone these days. The cell phone has changed the way they work, but not necessarily for the better. They are multitaskers who don't physically visit the computer very often. They're in the truck running from one place to the other and you're on their to-do list, along with the gas station and the school conferences and the donut shop and all the other construction jobs that are currently underway. Welcome to the 21st century.

Took me 6 months to realize this. I actually believed that the company phone number and the standard modes of communication were the appropriate ones. Even the company website contact list is wrongo with my cabinetmaker. He has an office phone, a company phone, phones for the other two permanent employees in the office, and his cell phone. It's the latter that is the only one which works for me, but even that is problematical. If DH phones him, the topic is more likely to be addressed than if I launch the topic. This is a reality and I cannot change it, have to accept it or I will just make myself miserable.

"Oh, yea, you did email me. What was it about again?" is a typical response. Making a formal appointment to talk in person or on phone is helpful, but be sure that you have an itemized list and it's a conversation that has a beginning and an end with a definable middle.

Should have followed this advice myself.

I was dumbfounded that I had to ask for a bill in print. Am still awaiting it. The emailed bill is a comic piece, but it's his best effort at putting words into print. So it goes.

I would hate to think you are all upset that he may not be so "into you" any more. If you got on a wrong track, then do what you can to fix it, but if he does not love you and you are not his favorite client ever, you will survive. I think we as women worry a little too much about everyone liking us, when that is impossible, even if you are the most fabulous person ever. You may remind someone of their sister, or have the same name as someone they hate, or other such bias and it is not your fault or your problem.

You need to figure out how to have a good working relationship with him. If he likes you, that is great. If not, and he fears messing up because you won't miss a trick, then that would not be so awful either, lol.

If your loved ones love you, relax and enjoy your Sunday and know he is not sitting around worrying about if you like him!

Building a home is a very important chapter in anyones life, you and the builder.
Since it is your money on the line, why wouldn't you simply meet him 2 hours away twice a week or so? That way many of your questions could be answered, you could document with your camera the building status(highly recommended).
As for emails daily, that is way too much.... who has time every night to answer 7 emails?!
It is also written documentation that could be accessed later if need be if things go wrong. Have you thought that(if things go wrong down the road) it could be used against him the things that he types???
If it were my home, I would travel more frequently.

You've gotten great advice above. I love my contractor but email wasn't his forte. He's there among the others pounding nails and didn't have time for it. I live on email. It helped that I was home most times but still I had to figure out the best way to communicate with my contractor (he was sometimes on other jobs). I swear my brain never shuts off and a million things are going on at once. I would keep a running list of questions on a spreadsheet and call/meet my contractor once or twice a week. Sometimes I would answer my own questions and it would be completed from the list. (If he ever had a question he would just find me). After my meeting I would then send him a follow up email with everything we discussed and a separate section with open issues. This was my paper trail if it was ever needed (it WAS needed with my architect). I felt much better about it and my contractor liked my list (I color coated depending who "owned" it like electrical, plumbing, building, etc.) Near to a punch list and the subs could easily see their open issues.

My advice is to make a weekly appt with him. I fyoua re building 2 hours away and can't see the house every day or every other day, you really need to be up there at least once a week. You won't believe what can go wrong. A plug in the wrong place, oh no this opening needs to be wider, I want this door to swing from the left not the right.

He does not have time to return each email though you would think he could do it at night once a day, but I guess thats not happening. At that weekly appt, take your weeks worth of questions, inspect the house with him, try to anticipate whats going to happen the following week. Get a sitter for your child, say, every friday, and just make it a habit, you won't be sorry.

In these economic times, most builders have had to become custom builders, building only homes they know are sold and that they are going to collect on. In the past, these same builders may have been more about building spec homes and doing what they wanted rather than doing what the client wants them to do.Do you know what type of builder you have? Does he only build custom homes, or in the past has he mainly done spec homes that are similar in style and features?

Your problem may be that the builder just isn't used to dealing with the customer and doing things their way as opposed to the way he has always done it...

Good luck with your build and I hope this works out for you.

wow. Frustration I understand. That's my middle name.

I'm on year # 4 with my complete renovation on my second home in California after my house fell 9 inches...btw, I live in New York City, and until one year ago when I got my guest house occupancy, those bi-coastal trips were few and far between.

I just fired my 4th contractor and I've given myself the position of "Major General Contractor". I've spent more money on redo's and poor workmanship than I'd like to say.

When you aren't at the job site every day, your work comes secondary to the people who are watching for the work crew every morning.

Remember. He's working for you, not the other way around. If he isn't doing the job you want and can't send you pictures via email at the end of each week on what's been done... don't be afraid to fire him and move on to the next.

Best of Luck.