A funny and tragic kitchen remodel

13 years ago

As thanks for the useful posts on this forum, I want to share a story from my past to make you feel better about any troubles you encounter in your kitchen remodel.

Flash back 16 years ago. I was divorced, living alone, 41 years old, and I had just finished 90% of the extensive remodel, inside and out, of my home. Sitting at the kitchen bar, with a glass of good wine and my trusty tablet of graph paper, I sketched the final thing that needed to be done to complete my home Â the kitchen!

The phone rang. When I answered I was surprised to hear it was my long lost love from college. OK, tell me that wouldnÂt have thrilled you a littleÂ

This old flame proceeded to tell me that he had thought of me often, to which I replied, "If you are ever in the area, please come by." He asked what I was doing and I told him I was designing my kitchen. He said, "I could do that for you. You know, you were so special in my life, I would love to do that for you." OK, tell me that wouldnÂt have flattered you a little.

I thanked him for his kind offer, but told him the remodel had to wait until I had saved some more money. I was tapped out from all that I had done. More nice words were exchanged, then we said goodbye.

Three weeks later he showed up unannounced at my door stating he had come for a little visit. I was taken aback, but feeling like I had nothing to risk I offered him my guest room. When I left for work the following morning I gave him a map of nearby attractions and wished him a good day.

I arrived home that evening, hit the garage door opener, and was shocked to find my garage filled to the rafters with debris. Picking my way thru the mess I entered my kitchen to find that it was GONE. Down to the studs. Flooring had been removed. Plaster dust had spread about Â¼" thick throughout my home because Mr. Good Intentions had not masked off the area from the rest of the house. My pots, pans, dishes, and dry goods were lined in little dusty stacks down the walls of the adjoining rooms.

There he stood, covered in plaster dust, crowbar in hand, looking very proud of himself. It was at that moment that I remembered why I had broken up with him 20 years earlier. The man had no impulse control.

OK, this is a long story. There are a lot of other "funny like a train wreck" details that I could share, but this is a kitchen forum. So, let me end it by telling you that you would be surprised how fast you can plan a kitchen when you need a kitchen, you can do the job for much less money if you have less to spend, and finally Â never think twice about those old lost loves. They are "lost" for a reason.

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Comments (19)

raenjapan
13 years ago
Oh. My. God.
boxerpups
13 years ago
Gosh, I just hope he was a good kisser.
hee hee
~boxer
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Seeking advice--remember that the wax had to be stripped from those floors too! What a miserable job! My mom obsessed about her kitchen and house--it was perfect. It always reminded me of the I Love Lucy episode where Lucy is trying to join a women's club and one of the admission requirements is a surprise inpsection of Lucy's home with the inspection team performing the "white glove" test. My mom's house was always ready for the white glove test! And my Mom had stainless steel appliances that were always spotless and shiny--I don't ever remember her having a finger print problem even with 3 kids, which is why I'm getting them now. But in retrospect they probably were a lot of work and she probably polished them every day. jfroelo--There are still a lot of people like your grandparents' generation out there, you just don't know them because in our society the classes tend to be divided by education as well as income. I'm from a rural area where these divisions do not exist as much and where small, unpretentious homes are still the norm and where the auto mechanic is as likely to live next to a doctor as he/she is to live next door to a sanitation worker. It's hard to tell who is rich and who is poor in my home town, although the bigger homes (not huge or KO like you read about on this forum) are starting to creep in. I'm a professional, but my first job when I was 10 or 11 was picking cucumbers for a farmer--no migrants or minorities in our rural area, just local kids and adults making extra money--also you don't get paid by the hour for doing that kind of work, you get paid by what you pick (i.e., per bushel, per pound, per pound for specific grades of a vegetable, etc.--so the harder you work, the more make). I also picked apples and strawberries for money as well as cleaned houses and did lots of other menial things which, in many rural areas, are done by whites at the same low rates that would be paid to illegal aliens and migrant workers in areas that have them. My brothers, who are both now professionals too, worked on farms from the time they were 12 and also did all sorts of menial jobs on the side like catching chickens that were ready to be processed, hoeing tobacco, etc. Personally I don't think it's the pay as much as I think there is a real snobbery on the part of people in some parts of the country today not wanting themselves or their kids to do jobs that migrants and illegal aliens will do. In my hometown, doing farm work, etc., and other physical labor jobs like the ones I listed were what motivated many kids to do well in school so that they could go to college, etc.,--they didn't want to work that hard for a living. And in my hometown, just about everyone has done that kind of work at some point in their lives so they don't look down on the people who are doing it now.
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joyjoyjoy
13 years ago
Funny... but so creepy. I wanna know what happened after that! Did you call the cops? or make him pay to fix it ? lol
rookie_2010
13 years ago
I want to hear more! Did he stick around and install the new one or did you tell him to beat it???
allnewappliances
13 years ago
I guess you didn't get back with him? I kept on waiting for the end of the story when you say...he finished the kitchen perfectly, you married him, and 16 yrs later redoing your kitchen again :-)
trish21
13 years ago
Sometimes things are worth going through just for having the great story to tell once you've recovered! This would make a great screen play. Thanks for starting my day with a smile and a laugh. Now I want to hear the rest of the story.
marthavila
13 years ago
Oh, you definitely can't leave that story hanging like that! By popular demand, you must tell us the rest!
judithva
13 years ago
Great story, EVERYTHING you said is so true LOL

I had a boyfriend "wannabe" and he swore he could put up drywall and add in the electrical where I wanted it in the bathroom. I gave him explicit instructions of where I wanted the electrical plug to be. I came home, drywall was up with a coating of mud over the seams: with NO drywall tape! AND he put the plug 6 inches higher (now in the way of where the mirror was to go), his explaination was that drywall tape is not needed (according to him, the mudd would take care of the seam) and the electrial was in a "better place"(he said I did not need the size mirror I had choosen). Needless to say, he did not make the boyfriend wannabe catagory. Rule learned: if he will ignore what you want when you are just dating, look out when you get married LOL
pamelah
Original Author
13 years ago
OK Ladies! You'll get the rest.
Boxer- he never was a good kisser... Ha!

SO, there he stands looking like a powdered donut (plaster dust) and I had what must have been the most crestfallen look on my face. My first question, "Why did you do this you crazy man???" and then, "You look funny, is it the dust? or, is your skin grey?" His response, "I told you I wanted to do this. And, my skin is grey." Me, "Why?" Him, "Because I am recovering from a heart attack." Me, "WHAT???" Him, "Yes, my 2nd. You know all the men in my family die of heart attacks before age 43." (That was something I had forgotten over the years.) Me, "For cripe's sake! What is going on here? Did you come like an old elephant to die in my kitchen?" Him- sullen, no response. Me, "I can't let you touch another thing. No tools, nothing. Please get a shower and rest. I will not allow you to die HERE!"

I warned you that the story wasn't pretty.

That evening I brought some food in and we had very little to talk about. The next morning I came out of my room to find that he had left, like a thief, in the night. No note. No nothing. I guess I hurt his feelings. ARGH.

I had a dear client/friend, a great general contractor, who just happened to be dying of lung cancer. I called him to get the number of his best trim carpenter. Yeah, you know what's coming.... My friend gave me the carpenter's name, but asked if he could stop by and keep tabs on the work. So, despite my protests, my dear friend came every day or so for a few hours and watched over his long term employee as my kitchen was rebuilt.

The kitchen was finished soon enough, and my friend (the GC) died a week or so later. OK, I did not warn you that this was going to be a tear jerker. But it was.

The happy ending came some 8 years later after I sold the house of the death kitchen. I met and married the best man in the world (most days), and now we are building our dream home. The End.
momand3boys
13 years ago
Oyyee! I probably would have had a heart attack right there, because #1, I let the guy in my house, and #2 now I couldn't wait to do the remodel..lol!

And how did it end??
marthavila
13 years ago
Wow, Pamelah. That is some story! Thank you for making me laugh, hold my breath and reflect on my own blessings today! BTW, did you ever hear from/about the old BF? Did he live past 43? I sure hope so!
boxerpups
13 years ago
And I bet Mr. Best Man in the World (most days)
is a good kisser, so thats why you hung on to him.

I just love happy endings.
~boxer
earthpal
13 years ago
Wow, a great short story! You should submit it to a magazine!

Thanks for including the ending and I loved your comment about lost loves!
Tho I believe you did your friend a huge favor by helping keep his mind off of the inevitable.
sabjimata
13 years ago
What a story!
User
13 years ago
boxerpups and your kissing comments are cracking me up :)
sayde
13 years ago
Incredible story. Thanks for sharing this with us!

Anyone else have a kitchen story? We should do an anthology . . .
golddust
13 years ago
My first house. It belonged to 'The Goat Lady' and rumor had it that she slaughtered goats in the extra bedroom... Before I moved in, I sandblasted the interior.

The plumbing in the kitchen was fashioned out of radiator pipe and the entire kitchen was tossed out the side door, leaving me to do dishes in the bathtub for 6 months. It was in this kitchen's new navy formica that I decided I would never have dark countertops again.

The house was built on the overflow from the beautiful pond in my yard. In the winter, I could have used paddles to change the view. I wore rubber boots and carried kids on my back to get to the car, wading through a foot of water that filled the foundation of the house within inches of my floor.

The great news is that a forest fire burned the whole house down three years into it, proving there really was an angel looking out for me.
lisa_a
13 years ago
Ohmygosh, I laughed, I sighed, I cried, and then took note of my blessings.

None of my ex stories involve an impromptu, unwanted kitchen remodel but there was one ex-boyfriend who robbed a gas station and skipped the state 2 days after I dumped him (couldn't do it fast enough). In my defense, the guy was smooth, he fooled lots of people, including a friend who lent his car to my ex who used it as his get-away vehicle. Oh, wait, the ex never fooled my mom. Mothers really do know best!

Anyway, I thought that was scary but it doesn't hold a candle to what you went through with your ex. I'm sorry you lost a dear friend, too.
John Liu
13 years ago
Pamelah, what a story. You must have a good heart and the patience of Job's wife, if not the ten children.

I'm glad it had a happy ending for you. Life is funny. Love is better.

A funny and tragic kitchen remodel

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raenjapan

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A funny and tragic kitchen remodel

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