Traci,

I'm so right there with you. It seems like lately it is just problem after problem.

I feel like I'm not myself anymore. The pre-renovation me would never have gotten upset over a sink or a piece of moulding! But now it seems all consuming. I'm thinking that we need to just accept it, that it is what it is right now, and soon it will all be a distant memory.

In the meantime, my only advice is exactly what you are doing! Just pour a glass of wine, post your problems and let the kind people here at GW talk you through it.

Now, if you have any advice for me, I'd love to hear it!

I hear you. A walk (or hike) somewhere nice saves me when I get to that point. I bring a thermos of tea with me and soak in the beauty of somewhere quiet and peaceful.

Best wishes to you on the floor.

I was at your point about 5 years ago. We are toward the end of a 7 year, yes I said 7 year, rebuild. Every night and every weekend we work. I have never even lived in the house. Sometimes I look around and think that we will never get done - especially when it's one of those nights were something that should take 1 hour to do ends up taking 4 hours becuase nothing works right. I find that if I focus on finishing one small task at a time, I feel better. It's much easier for me to say okay, today I'm going to get the trim prepared for paint in this bedroom. If I were to look at the whole 2nd floor I would be overwhelemed. Baby steps, baby steps, baby steps.
Even though your kitchen is a mess, sometimes I find it reassuring to clean everything well - at least I feel that it is closer to finished! Also, I've quit putting a timeline on it. It just depressed me more everytime one passed. When people ask me how much longer until we finish, I reply: "Well, we are closer than we were 7 years ago..." Hang in there, you'll make it!
Hope this helps,

Oh, Traci, I can totally relate to how you're feeling right now. Our reno went relatively smoothly, but at times I thought I was on the verge of dust and fume-induced psychosis!

I found getting out the house as much as possible to be a great refresher. Just getting out to have lunch with a friend, painting pottery with the kiddo, going to the museum we'd been meaning to visit. A vigorous workout will do wonders for your state of mind too.

Hang in there. The payoff is going to be HUGE. It's been months since our reno was finished and I still get a big smile on my face and thrill in my heart every time I walk into my new kitchen.

Sending you positive thoughts and cyber-hugs,

Erika

Been there, living that. It's been almost exactly one year since our 5-1/2 month (non-kitchen) renovation started and we have a good 6-8 weeks to go. That will be 14, FOURTEEN months of work. All I can tell you is, it is a roller coaster. I have days just like yours, full of letdown, irritation and hatred of the house. Then there are days of 'what's the use?' despair, sprinkled with days of genuine happiness when things go right and I can see progress being made.

Copious amounts of alcohol do help. I also go through periods when DH gets home and I say, "I am house'd out today. Let's talk about anything except the house." (For my own sanity, that means no HGTV, no home decor mags, nothing at all House Related). Sometimes you need that break.

As far as the dust goes, I've been living in it and finally got fed up. I bought a Miele and vacuumed up the worst of it; even though I'll have to do it again and soon, at least I have a glimpse of what a dustless house will look like.

(((Hugs))) to you, Traci. Hang in there.

Oh Tracy,

So sorry to hear your feeling the reno blues.

I live in New England and the rainy weather has put me
into a blue mood too. So many pieces need to be done
and the weather just makes me feel sluggish. When I feel
the Reno blues, I call a friend to meet for lunch, or the
girls to go out shopping for some trinket for my dream
kitchen, maybe call a few friends to have some margarittas
with, or rent a comedy and laugh away.
And of course do what you are doing post a note to all of
us on GW.

Those of us in kitchen renos need to laugh. Laugh or
we go a little crazy with the stress of it all. You are in
the Reno-Blues and you are not alone. Sending positive
thoughts and wishes your way.
~boxerpups

Hi.

Totally hear you. We are building a home, acting as our own GC's and parenting a 2 year old & an 8 month old (by parenting I mean dragging them to the construction site, Home Depot, Restoration Hardware, the lighting showroom, etc).

No complaints here-I feel lucky to have the opportunity & will surely be glad we did it.

But, it is not for the faint of heart & I'm sending warm wishes your way.

Bottoms up!

Thank you all so much for taking time to try to cheer me up! :) It does make me feel better just knowing that others have felt this way and I'm not completely crazy (yet!). I have to say though Nkkp, if I'd been going through this for SEVEN YEARS I would have been locked away in a psychiatric ward LONG before now. I already feel as if I'd like to just go stick a "For Sale" sign in the yard and tell buyers it's selling "as is" - haha!

But anyway, thanks to you all again for the good wishes - it really is helpful in continuing to deal with everything!

Nkkp, seven years?!?!? My husband knows someone who's had a similar long-term nightmare renovation (fired contractors, fired architects, fired engineers, multiple lawsuits in progress and the work is still not close to done). A number of months ago he told my husband, quite seriously, that if he had only three months to live, he would buy an automatic weapon and take out as many people on his job as possible. I was horrified; but after experiencing my own (brief) homicidal moments, and knowing he's been dealing with this for years, I almost admire his restraint. I say that jokingly, but not quite.

Toast raised to you - hope it's done soon.

Traci,

I feel your pain. I know the flooring debacle was so unexpected and living in a basement has to be the worst (although we only have a crawl space---wouldn't that be interesting!).

What I can share is that once the floors are fixed things seem to move at lightening speed---really, it was like we turned around and it was done.

Other than the outings and walks others have suggest, I also found some solace by reclaiming small pieces of the house where I could---a random room where I kept boxes, the garden, whatever. I kept the contractors out of those places and that's where I went to "hide out" when I needed space and solitude (or to scream....). It was my space.

And remember that you will have a beautiful, warm home when this is all done and the daily ups and downs will be a distant memory and you'll be enjoying the new space with your friends and family for decades to come. It's worth it. Really.....

Oh, and the alcohol didn't help me too much, but a gooey hot fudge sundae from the local ice cream shop sure was helpful every now and then. The wine just made me whine a bit more.....

Hang in there!

Wow, can I relate! My living room has the fridge, the food in a huge plastic bucket, the old dishwasher is the counter top for serving meals on paper plates. At least I have a stove and oven in my barn, along with the grill. I gave up on the dust as I can hardly see it any longer (denial), DH works long hours and is my general contractor, so when he is tired, I let him rest, thinking...ok, maybe I will be lazy, too. He doesn't rest much though, as we just got the garden in, farm is being taken care of, kids are fed, bills are paid. I just admire all the small accomplishments that happen and keep my dream of the final results of the kitchen that I designed and picked out and is being done (with love) and every detail that I desired! Now, ask me in another month and I may have a different tale to tell! lol.

Zeebee - I hate to say it, but I can identify with the man who told your husband what he would do if he had just 3 months to live!! After a while you get so irritated and sick of living in chaos with everything completely out of your control that it's easy to imagine things like that! I've decided that contractors (or others in the construction field) are an entirely different breed of people and find nothing wrong with not doing things the way you asked, taking 10 times longer than they "estimated" or simply not even showing up for no reason whatsoever!

Seaglass7 - I think that even with the flooring fiasco I would still feel OK if I thought that things would move quickly afterward. However, the floor was the ONLY significant thing done in the house for about the past 4 months, so it's even more depressing to have it turn out like this and realize that things will continue to creep along once they are finished. We really don't have that much to do to finish up, mostly a ton of small things, but it's impossible to finish those when everyone we hire keeps calling us with one reason or another why they won't be able to come on whatever day they've arranged. So...we go along like that and before you know it WEEKS have gone by with nothing done!! And it's not as if you can MAKE someone show up - that's the thing that drives me craziest. I've told my husband though that we're telling our contractor from now on that if we have to show up at his house and physically bring him to ours, so be it - I've had it with his crap now and the playing around is going to stop!

I've had the misfortune of working with the type of contractor you describe, it's so frustrating! There are good ones out there too, though. The contractor we have now is a lovely person, very agreeable and conscientious, finishes his work quickly, listens to what I want instead of substituting his own preferences. He's already gotten 3 other projects from our neighbors/acquaintances because I've praised him so highly to everyone I know.

Relax and just remember, some day you WILL be done and all the frustration you are feeling now will be a distant memory. Sort of like labor pains!!

Erika - your contractor sounds wonderful - will he travel to another state? Haha! Since most jobs seem to come from word of mouth, you'd think ALL contractors would be very careful and conscientious. We've had at least 3-4 people in our neighborhood begin fairly large remodeling projects since we started ours, and others considering it, so our contractor could have had a lot of work had he tried at all. Instead, he has basically ensured that we're not able to ever recommend him for anything. We do have a whole list of people that we can tell others to avoid though! :)

Ccoombs1 - I keep telling myself over and over that it will eventually be done... It's hard to imagine that day right now though :)

Zeebee - Sadly, yes it's been 7 long years. Part of the reason is that we are renovating an old house. It was rolled across the street and set in its current location in 1929 and had been turned into 2 appartments in the 1980's. When we began we were just going to replace the windows and the wiring/plumbing, open the wall at the stairwell to make it one dwelling again, and remove a wall between the new kitchen and the family room. Well, one thing led to another and the next thing we knew, the whole interior of the house was gutted! Also, we have done ALL of the work ourselves except the drywall work. We've put in new windows using boom lifts (it's a 2 story with a full drive-under basement), torn all of the paster out, moved, stripped, or rebuilt every wall, yes every wall, added all new wiring and plumbing, doubled-up nearly every floor or ceiling joist, added a room in the attic, added 3 stairwells (basement to 1st floor, back stairs from 1st to 2nd fl, and 2nd fl to attic room), tiled the floors in the wet areas, etc. We've even raised the house about 5 inches on one side to help level it and installed a 19 foot steel "I" beam so I could take down a load bearing wall between the kitchen and the family room. Needless to say, we are extreme DIYers. Oh did I mention that my husband and I both work full-time jobs and we have a son who will be 3 years old this month? Poor guy plays at the 'broken house' as much as he does at home!

At some point we will be done :)...and then we can work on the house we live in right now :( Which happens to be a beautiful craftsman built in 1920 and right next door to our rebuild. I keep telling my husband we are just going to gut the kitchen and baths, and paint etc - no more years long projects!

Traci---I had no idea it was so bad. We had our own little floor disaster (floor guys destroyed our silgranit sink) and right after that nothing happened for weeks. It was a waiting game to see who would blink first---we were adament that the sink be replaced and the contractor really didnt want to risk damaging the granite. I think when something goes bad, the contractor sometimes retreats to see if you'll get so tired of waiting that you'll let it slide. Ours kicked into high gear once the sink was replaced, so maybe yours is waiting till the floors are resolved.

It helps if you have money in your pocket that they can't collect until the project is finished. In our case we've kept a running list of all the little things that need to be completed before they will get the final payment. The longer they wait to fix them, the more things that get added to the list as we discover something that is now failing or was not done correctly. We send that list to the contractor periodically to give him some incentive to finish and get paid. I'm not clear in your case if you're hiring the subs directly or thru your contractor.

A friend had suggested to us that we could "incent" the contractor by advancing more money but I didn't feel that was a good option in our case---why would I pay him more when he wasn't doing the original job I hired him for? If the contractor is in the middle, do you have the option to sit down and negotiate a firm date to finish the job, with the clause that you have the option to cut ties with him if the job isn't completed by then?

What I can say is that although we have a punch list of things that need to be done, at this point we have our house back and they need to make an appointment to show up. We have money held back. I take some solace in all of that. Yes, it's irritating that the new gutter is leaking on my head when I go out the back door, but I trust that that will be fixed at some point, along with the other things on the list.

It will get better for you too....

Traci, maybe you can make a contractor show up. Just find out where his other jobs are and go and get him!!! Lure him with pastry.