Samantha, Absolutely, lack of expansion joints could have also been the part of the problem, which is unrelated to grout joint size. When installing, manufacturer instructions comes first, then the standards second if there is missing or conflicting information and instruction. If there is a failure, an inspector (or a court) will first use manufacturer specs and instructions, because they are the liable responsible party in a claim, so their information takes presidence. Thats what installer must follow first if there is conflict, and if there is missing information, the TCNA/ANSI standards come in. Now, many manufacturers refer to the TCNA/ANSI standards. Additionally, some manufacturers do not offer all needed information which then the TCNA/ANSI standards kick in. Every installer should be well versed in both. There are many tile and stone manufacturers who still allow for ultra thin grout joints. In regards to the standards changes you mention in grout joint sizes, indeed the TCNA/ANSI has made recommendations for the first time concerning grout joint size and spacing. To completely understand the new changes you have to understand how recommendations are made. When they say "in general", these are not absolute standards. Simply guidance lacking any other source taking presidence. When they say "absolute", these are standards that are never to be strayed from. The new changes on grout joint width is an "in general recommendation" or situational recommendation. Ultimately, the project owner should choose the grout joint they desire. -from the TCNA website. Please view the TCNA link for more information. It explains it pretty well. If you have tile cut or manufactured to tight size tolerances, you can have any joint size you wish. Of course, as I stated before, not all tile is able to be installed with the ultra thin grout joints. Again this is situational. There is no absolute standard for tile joint width. Tile it is a finish topical product, relying on the subfloor/framing/substrate structure for rigidity and in-range deflection for its stability and structure. Now if you continue to believe otherwise, that the tile system itself aides in overall system stability and structural integrity and/or that grout joint size matters at all when tile sizing is withing parameters, I really dont know how else to convince you. Since this obviosuly matters a great deal to you, I would suggest you buy a copy of the standards. Its relatively inexpensive. Then you can read for yourself in context. Also I would suggest that you start reading up on tile manufacturers installation guidelines and instruction for various products you may be interested in, as they take presidence, although they usually are in line with the standards. Here is a link that might be useful: TCNA Standards For Grout

"has to balance what's best for him and best for you. And sometimes they just aren't going to work. IMO, childs needs come first." See, this is interesting. I think what is so interesting and diverse about this forum (or even when talking to friends in RL) is that EVERYONE is going to have their own opinion; and that opinion is one we have formed based on our own experiences and perspectives. Nivea, you were treated in a really cruel and hurtful manner by your SM, correct? (or am I mixing you up with another poster?) I believe it was you. Anyway, naturally, you are more inclined to empathize and identify with the child (stepchild) and perhaps even project a bit of your own feelings; and that's normal, we ALL do that. Just as I am more likely to identify with someone like Ima or Lamom or Silver, someone who is a SM dealing with difficult situations. Anyway, I know what you mean about the child needing to come first; but I think you are saying this out of your own experiences, which included being emotionally hurt by your cruel and emotionally immature SM who insisted HER needs come first. Correct? That is awful that happened and it's sad that your father allowed you to be pushed aside. (And please correct me if I am mixing up your history with someone else.) Our situation is a little different in that DH had continually made the mistake of doing things to harm our marriage---all under the guise of "it's best for SS." But a lot of what he was doing wasn't even really best for SS. DH wanted me to smooth things over and be nice to BM, even after she attacked me in front of SS. Sure, it might be superficially easier for SS if everything seemed hunky-dory again. But in the long run, what lesson is that teaching him? That violence is acceptable? That it's okay for his mom to behave like that and I will just pretend that everything is okay? Those aren't lessons I want SS or DD learning. So sometimes what IS best for SS isn't necessarily what one might think at face value. Sure, it would be more *pleasant* for him in the short term, but in the long run, I think it does more harm than good. (I don't think this particular weekend issue is even really about anything being "best" for SS, though.) And one thing our marriage counselor has been helping both of us see is that sometimes what's best for the marriage has to come first. And I will say this with 100% conviction: it would NOT be in SS's best interest for DH and I to divorce. Not at all. That would be one of the worst things that could happen for both him and my DD. I may be "just a stepmother" to him but I have been a positive and caring person in his life for almost 7 years. He views my daughter as his sister. He genuinely loves our family and feels a TOTAL part of our family unit...because he is! We are not just some people he spends a few days a month with, he has two families and we are one of them! If that unit were to dissolve, it would honestly devastate SS. It would devastate my DD, as well, but I really think it would be worse on SS. He is very sensitive to these things, and he is the type of child that turns his upsets inward. I know if he were to lose his family, it would really impact him negatively in an emotional sense. So in marriage counseling, one thing DH is having to focus on is sorting out when SS's needs really DO come first, and when it's just BM manipulating "in the name of their son." Obviously, there are times that the child's needs have to come first---heck, that is 95% of parenting! But it is my belief that this is not one of those times. SS's mom is doing well and there is no reason he can't be with her.

"The school already did evaluate him as much as possible now" So you already have 20+ pages of standardized test results? (WIPSI, WISC III, Kaufman, etc.) Because if they did a "Comprehensive Individual Assessment" as required by Federal law to properly assess for possible learning disabilities, that is what you'd have. Or did the school simply tell you they'd evaluated him? A few conversations with the counselor, some placement tests, work samples, teacher observation and evaluations. Because the latter approach is NOT sufficient to conclude that a child does or does not have learning disabilities. (Ask your cousin.) "I am sure if he has more issues this year, they will recommend further testing." I'd like to believe this is true, but have learned the hard way that it simply isn't. (Again, ask your cousin.) The public school system is exactly that -- a SYSTEM. A system designed to efficiently process a high volume of children through an educational program designed to benefit the majority of them. And as such, it's really pretty good. Truly. For the typical child with average intelligence who learns in the typical fashion. But put in a child who doesn't fit the pattern -- one who learns in a different way, who learns more slowly, who needs a different approach or 'fill-in' knowledge or skills. The public school system simply isn't designed for the needs of those children. I know I sound like I'm over-reacting. But talk to any involved parent of a child in Special Education and you will hear the same advice. If you passively wait for the school to initiate testing or to remediate problems, you will wait for many heartbreaking years. (Look at BioMom's school experience!) The school is NOT your enemy, and while it may sound like I view them that way, I genuinely don't. But you can't afford to rely on them to do anything other than 'the system' for your SS either. Your SS will get only as good an education as you through assertive involvement) insure that he gets. And extra assertiveness for these next two years will pay off BIG. If his reading and math issues are minor, you'll be able to CURE them in two years. If they're not minor, getting him good help early can head off a whole cycle of failure.

Oh boy, BM left them with no washer. SD 17 called today and said "I need to come over RIGHT NOW to do my laundry, I have no clean clothes". I was like "huh, I am not getting you, why don't you just wash them, I have seen you do laundry, what's up?" and she is like "the washer is broken" so I said "did it just happen, do you want me to call the landlord to ask him to fix it?" And she is like "no, he knows". BM and Skids rent a house and the landlord and his wife and child live next door, landlord and his wife bought the house next door to them and renovated it and BM and the kids have lived there for like it must be 4 years now. Skids used to babysit landlord's daughter, they had a good relationship with them, but I think BM has been late with the rent, also BM and Skids have regular "screaming matches" so the Skids no longer are asked to babysit the daughter of the landlord/neighbour. Skids and BM now call him a "jerk", which I don't think is warranted. DH and I think that she has been late on rent a lot, and she is a "difficult" person to begin with so she has probably yelled at him or been nasty in some way, more than likely. Anyways, so SD says "it's an old washer and he won't fix it." Istill need some "retraining" Sweeby, because my FIRST reaction is "we should just buy a new washer to help out the kids". My DH is like "WAAAHHHT??!! are you nuts??" I realized that was not the way to go, BM has made so much difficulty for us with Skids but I guess I just wonder, do I ask the landlord what's up and run interference nicely for the Skids' sakes? Do I ignore it, what do I do? leave it alone? I mean, SD17 can do laundry with us, but what about when BM gets back, then what does SD do? BM gets over $1300 a month in CS, plus she works full time, so I don't know why she doesn't just buy a new washer or get it repaired, it's weird...anyways, any suggestions are welcome, thanks!! :)