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confused_but_hopeful

observation and update

I know IÂm not a long standing member, or even a "legal" step mom (not being married). But, IÂd like to comment on a statement I see repeated. ItÂs the famous "I wish his first family didnÂt exist". And really, it doesnÂt make sense to me, logically. Yes, things would be ten times easier for me if the first family wasnÂt there, but I most likely wouldnÂt have the opportunity to be with my SO either. Think about your situation. Concerning my situation I know if things didnÂt happen at exactly the time in my life that they did, in exactly the manner that they did, thereÂs no way I wouldÂve even met my SO, let alone be involved in a relationship. So, every time I wish that the first family never was, I remember if it wasnÂt for them, I probably wouldnÂt be with him. And IÂm actually (a little) thankful for the ex as well; because she gave him the kids that make him so happy (even if theyÂre a little trying for me once in a while). IÂm not trying to be preachy, but this thought has made me feel immensely better when IÂm getting stressed. ItÂs going better now, by the way. IÂm the girl who moved to France and was having a few issues.

IÂll give a quick update. We had the kids last weekend and it went really well. Dad admitted he was being a bit indulgent, so the kids got to play off on their own for a little bit, just around the house with nothing extravagant planned. They were happy just to hang out, I was happy to have the chance to talk with him and relax, and he was happy to get things done around the house and just relax instead of planning an intensive itinerary. He even said it felt like a "real home", which I think is what we were going for. The kids had to sit on their beds after temper tantrums, and after a few times the frequency and severity were significantly reduced. Dad and I even devised a "star chart" of rewarding a star good behavior and taking one away inappropriate behavior (with timeouts as appropriate). I had an annual review with my boss and asked for (and got) company sponsored French lessons. So, I know there will still be rough times, and itÂs only the beginning of putting some of the ideas into practice. But itÂs really nice to know everyoneÂs pulling for the same goal if even from different directions. Thanks to everyoneÂs advice and points of view. ItÂs the older boyÂs 7th birthday today. WeÂve got a party planned and weÂre making hats and favours together. And, IÂm genuinely excited.

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