It depends on what state you live in. Since we are going through the court crap right now, I have been brushing up on family law and several states have the same philosophy. In an initial determination of custody, the court considers the best interests of the child. Since there was an order and if she signed, it was also an agreement on her part last December... that it's in SS best interest to go to school in DH's district. The court ordered it so they have put their stamp of approval on THAT being in the child's best interest. In a modification, before the court considers the best interest of the child, there has to be a significant change in circumstances. BM moving is NOT a significant change in circumstance unless it affects the child. In my opinion, which means nothing really but I'll give it anyways, her move would be a negative affect to the child, rather than a positive one. She may claim it's in a nicer neighborhood.. better school, blah blah blah... but she moved the child FURTHER from his father. If she claims the move was to be closer to a job or anything having to do with HER... that is definitely NOT a change in circumstances at all. It has to be a change that affects the child... like abuse or one parent is homeless and there is nowhere for the child to live or the child is being so neglected that his schoolwork is seriously affected or he isn't being taken to school or habitually late... it has to be SIGNIFICANT. The courts don't like to revisit this crap over and over.... especially when they just heard it a few months ago and the order hasn't even been implemented to see if it works. If she were to petition for custody, after the drunken incident, she may very well end up with less time than 50/50 BECAUSE she moved further away. SS shouldn't have to suffer less time with his father because his mother moved away when she could have moved closer. Of course, nobody can really argue that she could have moved closer because you don't want to open the door for her to argue about what YOU and DH should do.... The order says DH is residence for school. He should let the current school know and go forward with enrolling SS in your district. Don't give her any reaction at all. The burden of proving a change is on her. And I would certainly let her know that if she is going to fight to put SS in her district, DH is going to request that BM drive SS to his house during his time because nobody else should be inconvenienced because she chose to move and because she wants to have SS in her district. Now, whether she or he gets any of that... a whole other issue. I don't know the laws in your state but it's not only up to what a Judge thinks or feels, there are written laws that the Judges must adhere to. In custody cases, there is usually a lot of discretion for the Judge to have an opinion, but the law cannot be ignored. If it says there has to be a significant change... the court does have discretion regarding what that means. In my opinion... her moving is not good enough. Like I said, it may help DH if he were to say she's unstable... always moving. Of course, one move is nothing but how many times has she moved? How long does she stay in one place? If you work on maintaining stability in your home & your life, she will eventually implode. She is an addict and probably craves chaos. If you don't give her a chance to have chaos with you, she will find it somewhere else. Unless she gets help... on her own, she will spiral downhill. It may not seem that way now, but trust me... it takes years sometimes. Of course, if she gets the help she needs, it will get better too.

We have the opposite problem. SD10 lives with us and visits her mom on weekends. In our home, she is the only child (well, my two adult children still live at home but she is the only one school aged). She will go to her mom's house and come home sick. At her mom's, she will play outside without shoes/socks, no jacket, and she's around other kids (her mom's boyfriend has his kids EOW) So, when she comes home sick, I miss time from work, we have to take her to the doctor, pay for that & the medicine, etc. and it can really be inconvenient. But, I agree with "it's just a fact of life", a fact I don't like but what can ya do? I think a responsible parent would keep a sick child home (we would not send SD to her mom if she is sick BECAUSE there are other kids there... but that consideration is not reciprocated so you do what YOU can... we can't control the inconsideration of others) I understand your husband's frustration with your 'making a big deal' because he probably feels he has to choose his child or his new family, but it might help to take a (step) parenting course or talk to a counselor because it's very easy to fall into the guilty parent role. [maybe even just talking to him about it might be enough] He does need to realize how important it is to be a united front and make joint decisions but it's also important for you to understand his feelings and for him to understand your concerns without any resentment one way or the other. Good luck.

Thank you for your response. Like I said, we aren't befriending the ex-stepfather by any means. My main concern is that they maintain a relationship with their sibling whom he is the father (and it looks like the child will be living with him full time) and then, obviously new boyfriend that has already begun to stay overnight while the children are there. She just told them that the man she made them call dad for so many years is a lying, cheating, druggie and that they are getting divorces. now she has already brought a new man into their lives. A man that she just met. How are we supposed to talk to them about this when they bring it up? There isn't much nice to say. I realize that ideally we just keep our kids away from her. that isn't always an option. I guess I should have made that more clear. We try to never meet her alone and we try to always have someone else watch our children. sometimes we don't have a lot of options though. Sometimes, he has to meet her before I get home from work. Sometimes, there is no one else available to watch our children. I guess I was just wondering if anyone else had any other experience with this.

Stepup: The normal human tendency is to blame someone else for our misfortune. If it is not about the rain, then it is about the sun. I am sure I have been there before, perhaps you have too. Enlightment and the path to happiness are when we realize that we can only control what we have control and let go of what we don't. Your SS is trying to set you up in triangulation between his father, you and him. The best is to avoid that situation. Just let your H deal with his own son in terms of discipline and such. But destruction of your property should not be tolerated and dealt w by the police. I hope your SS will only be invited back for a thanksgiving meal or christmad but that is about it. He should not be welcomed back to live.