I think it's crazy.This guy could be a pervert or petaphile or something.I mean,even you and your wife dont really know what this guy is like.Just because he is a so-called Christian does not mean he is a good person or responsible.
How childish for them to not even listen to what you have to say.If they had any real concern for their daughter they would be open to all suggestions before sending her off to God knows where.

How sickeningly irresponsible.
But it sheds more light on why your daughter is willing to move.

It is hard to even imagine what these parents are thinking. Are they out of their mind? Perhaps they are just tired of parenting and found someone to finish their job. How sad.

Oh my. I am so sad to hear your story. I think I would just not make such a big deal about her friend going down. (It's going to be a disaster) Just focus on loving your daughter and being consistent with her. Tell her she can always come home anytime. Hopefully you'll get a phone call sooner rather than later. This other parent is out of her mind!!! Keep us posted and good luck. It just has to be heartbreaking to go through this. Let us know how things turn out.

You have never replied about court orders in regard to your daughter. What gives. Your daughter is not of age. So you are not in control and your daughter is? You didn't go to Florida and visit this man -- you didn't check him out, not even with a visit. Is your daughter going to tell you one day that you didn't even care enough to check this guy out? THAT is what is unblieveable.

Thank you all for your comments. I really appreciate it!
My wife and I have had a long meeting with an Attorney specializing in family law. My wife's divorce agreement was reviewed with all of the nasty emails from the Biodad sent to my wife. Recall that I am the Stepfather here.

The bottom line is that joint custody exists, and since our daughter is 17 years, 2 months old, thus 18 yo in 10 months, we were advised that a court will go with the living location desires (move to Biodads) of the child without question. Even with our daughter's girlfriend moving in with them. Nothing illegal here. Unless we can prove in court that our daughter will become a prostitute, no food/shelter, or somehow put into a horrible dangerous situation, then we have no legal way to stop her from going to live with her father. The courts will side with the child's wishes in the 16 to 18 yo range in matters like this.

Here is what we have done. We had our lawyer send a very strongly worded letter to both the Biofather and a copy to the girlfriend's parents stating; that the real plans were kept secret from us for the girlfriend's involvement and we now do not consent to this move, that Biofather will be held accountable for his email/phone threats, and that Biofather is to stop his harassment of us with angry threatening emails and phone calls. This was an official letter sent by our attorney to the Biofather and it was very strong! We just have no legal way to stop daughter from moving to her fathers.

We have checked internet land sale records, and the "country club" home was purchased by biofather. We have seen the realestate tours of the home and it is nice. Biofather has moved into the home and he does live within 1 hour drive of his elderly parents whom we trust.

We also know that the girlfriend's parents are now "mad", however at whom we are not sure. We hope at their daughter (girlfriend) and Biofather for misleading them that my wife and I were in on all plans. We are hoping that the girlfriend is pulled out of this plan by her parents, especially after seeing the legal letter copy sent to them today. Seems like a long shot, we just do not know since girlfriend's parents are not willing to contact us, even though we tried to meet with them.

Biofather has so carefully poisoned our daughter against us over the last few years. Since we do not offer the big ticket toys as Biofather is today, our daughter "hates" us right now. Biofather is telling our daughter that I am listening in on her phone calls and that her mother is spying on her, an on and on. This is all not true however our daughter seems to really believe all of this stuff from Biodad.

If someone can offer me some hope for the future, I would be eternally grateful. Thank You so much. We are hurting very badly over here.

'Divorce Poison' -- It's the name of an excellent book written for parents in situations like this where one parent is damaging both the child his/her relationship with the other parent.

The aim of the book is not so much to help you 'win' the fight (though there's some good advice along those lines) -- but more about how to help you and your child deal with the psychological manipulations, lies, screaming, guilt-tripping, tears, bribes, promises, threats or smear-tactics -- whatever the 'poison' is. And how to combat the tactic effectively while still maintaining your integrity. Kind of a "Nice guys who aren't doormats don't have to finish last" manual.

It's a gut-wrenching read, but worth every tissue.

If the dad is what he makes himself out to be, he would welcome you to visit him without your daughter. You can be honest about what you are worried about. Leave the daughter out of it. Just visit him with a friend that will help you to keep your cool. If that person isn't your wife, then don't take her. Be smart and be cool. This all sounds not good. You don't have much time left. Make the trip! (meet the minister where he goes to church, leave your name and phone number)

What I would suggest is to keep the lines of communication open. Keep talking to your daughter. Love her and make sure she knows that you and her mother will always be there for her. The strong letter was a good idea, but don't continue with legal action. It is expensive and soon she will be 18 and there is not a whole lot you can do to force her to not live with her dad. Kids go through a tough stage when they are transitioning into adulthood. They do come around. Hang in there and keep talking to her. Communicate.

Thank you so much for your thoughts and concern.
Here is the latest.
The letter from our Attorney seems to have worked in terms of getting the girlfriend out of the move and live-in situation. Biofather sent a letter from his attorney stating that the girlfriend would no longer be making the move. We have ceased all attorney and legal correspondence. I called the girlfriend's father to check-in and hear from him what was actually decided. The girlfriend's father was upset at me and my wife since we had objected to "his" daughter moving in with single Biofather and our daughter. I explained to him patiently the situation/concerns and he ended up hanging up on me! Incredible! This girlfriend's father calls me back the following day leaving a message apologizing for his rude manner and explaining that his daughter would not be making the move, and "with 5 kids on a modest income, this was a good idea to him due to a lack of money to educate them" and "he wished that I would reconsider my objection." I did not return the call and this is really sad; that this father is allowing his daughter to move into a very unsafe and risky situation just for the money savings aspect! Just incredible and sad.

My stepdaughter left today on a flight to Florida, 2 large suitcases and her dog in tow, to start her new life living with BioDad in this "fantasy" life in Florida (ticket paid by biofather of course). Looks like it will be just Biofather and daughter living together. Biofather and stepdaughter have only spent 5 to 7 days together, 2 or 3 times a year, for our 17 year old stepdaughters entire life, so she really does not know this man, as a parent anyway. Stepdaughter will start immediately in the local public High School and the big ticket toys will surely be lavished upon her. Life in the "country club" home with her living in the "mother-in-law" suite with her personally chosen deluxe bedroom furniture will surely be nice. Stepdaughter will complete her Junior year of High School down there, and perhaps her senior year as well if BioFather has his way. This is our only child to raise.

My wife and I are devastated and we are crying. We could not stop this move (legally or emotionally with stepdaughter), and our stepdaughter has walked away from us, our beautiful loving home, her extended family up here in VA, her friends, and her first steady boyfriend. Her boyfriend even went with us to the airport to see her off today. Stepdaughter seemed happy at the airport, just like she was going on a vacation or something. We are sad and we will keep in touch with her as best we can. As a stepfather I feel like a fool! I have raised this child since she was 4 yo, and now she says she hates us and walks out. Just incredible! Her biofather has poisoned her mind against us, and we just simply continued to love her, and we know that we were good parents, tolerant, kind, and loving, and we did not trash her biofather ever!. This is what we get. We will go on. Thanks for your kind words.

hamsteve, I just want to say how sorry I am that you and your wife were faced with this. You certainly should not feel like a fool. Your SD was raised with love, stability and values - this is still in her somewhere (behind the glitz of big ticket items.) My best to you and your wife.

If it is any consolation, it sounds like you have raised your daughter with a lot of love and sound values. I predict that she will not stay long with her biofather, once the fantasy begins to crash into the reality of her situation. It seems like many 16-18 year olds have to go through a period of complete rejection of their parents and how they were raised before they can take on the process of becoming an adult. Try to consider this just a learning phase that she (and you) must go through. Also remember that she is still desperately seeking the approval and love of her biofather, as illogical as that may seem. She will come to realize who did the parenting in time.

Sorry for all you've had to go through. I was 16 when I decided I wanted to live with my father. My mom agreed to let me stay with him for the summer as a trial period. I moved in with dad in June. I was home by the end of July. Honestly living with my dad wasn't horrible and nothing bad happened - but it wasn't home. And even his lack of rules and do-what-you-want attitude (every teenager's dream, or so I thought) didn't make up for that.

I am completely shocked that anyone would let their 17yo DD move in with a complete stranger - let alone an older single man! That would have made the whole situation seem very creepy to me - probably how biofather's attorney saw it too, hence the change of heart about letting the girlfriend move down.

I hope you can keep the communication open between yourselves and your DD/SD. It's easy to not say anything rude about the biodad, but it can be very hard to keep control of your tone of voice, and that will give you away your true feelings in an instant, so be careful! We all know how deeply teenagers feel any slight (real or imagined).
Good luck.

Dear hamsteve, When I was in my teens I went to live with my bio-dad. He promised all kinds of things, T.V. in my room, my own room, bla bla bla. My Mom struggled to make ends meet while raising 4 kids, so we didn't have much in the way of material things. Living with him and having my own room and everything else he promised sounded like heaven! My Mom told me that she would miss me but she didn't show that her heart was breaking. She kept in constant contact with me through upbeat phone calls. I moved back HOME after only a couple of months with my bio-dad. He did not come through with any of his promises and even if he did, it just didn't feel like home. If I were to offer you advise, it would be to let your daughter know that she is missed at home, but don't cry to her about it, let her know she always has a home to come back to no matter what, and keep telling her that you love her. I am now 41 years old and don't regret going back HOME one bit. You raised her with a strong foundation of love and security, NOBODY can take that away from her. I think in time she will get homesick and want to come HOME. I wish the best for you and your family.

hamsteve,
Jenkin, IMO, said it very well. I would only like to add that you and your wife will probably have some new insights after your daughter has been gone for some time. You and your wife may find that you will have a little more time to think and discuss many ideas and perhaps find some truths that will help in your recovery -- perhaps down the road, your growth will be a asset you will be able to impart on your daughter.

After a while you and your wife might see it clear to pay a visit to your daughter. You will get the feel for the right time. Best to you.

I agree with many above. It must be very difficult and i am truly sorry for your pain. But you've always showed her love and its true, teenagers go through this rejection phase. I went through it myself. Keep the communication open. Dont' lose contact with her. When things calm down, maybe take a visit much later on in the year. You never know, She maybe home by the end of the year. At least remind her to come for the holidays. Easter time for a visit. Show constant love. That is all you can do. She will remember what you have done for her for the past 13 years. She just needs to have some resolve with her biodad.
All the best.

Thank you all for your heart warming comments. We really appreciate your thoughts and concern on our situation with SD and her move to single BioDads.

My wife and I have of course kept our heart broken emotions to ourselves in private, and we have kept outwardly calm emotionally with SD. After a number of open discussions with SD on this move idea to absentee BioDads, and the uncovered great deception plan to include the girlfriend in the move to BioDads, SD certainly has received excellent advice from us and she knows our thoughts/reasons objecting to her move decision very well. We will keep in touch with SD now that she is moved and living her "fantasy" life in FL wth BioDad, and we will stay loving in our contact with her. We will go on with our lives and see how this all plays out. Maybe SD will grow up and "wake up" some day to realize that we were great parents with a very loving home, and that her BioDad's attempt to "buy" her affection with expensive toys and to "fix" her will be seen as what it truly is; BioDad's sick personal issues of "winning" and whatever else he is trying to do for himself. SD obviously has to satisfy something with her need for love/approval from BioDad here too.

The remaining question is; given that BioDad has really been effective over 3 + years in poisoning our daughter's thoughts/feelings against us (telling SD that we "spy on her", that we are "terrible parents", that we are to "strict" and that we are "weird" and "cheap", and on and on), all not true in any way of course, how can we realistically expect SD to sort all of this out when she will not go to counseling and therapy? One would hope that the experience in FL will not be such a "fantasy" and that this will expose BioDad for his true self, and SD will then see that we are not at all the "terrible" people that BioDad has told her for so long. However this is serious stuff and we just don't know what else we can do at this time. We just feel so sad that BioDad has been so successful in poisoning our daughter's thinking/feelings against us, and we know that this is not at all justified.

If any of you have any insights as to how we can help SD overcome this "poisoning" and "brain washing" in the future, we would surely appreciate your thoughts.
Thanks again for you comments and concern.

hamsteve,
Perhaps you already are a very good listener, but I don't know anyone that couldn't improve. The people that have been the most important people in my life were the ones that were great listeners. When they are gone, they are greatly missed.
Best to you

Bump