"what can I do?"

Get counseling if you need help admitting failure. If I'm not mistaken, you left your middle school aged son with your college aged sons, so you can 'make a life' with your husband? What kind of mother does that?

Your husband isn't "playing DAD", he IS their dad. What difference does it make if they live across the street or not? What did you expect?

The ex, asking for favors/errands on behalf of their kids can be annoying, but you haven't been specific about what she's asked for. If it does have to do with their kids, what's the problem? He's their father, he lives across the street and there's no reason for him to not be very involved in their lives. The kids deserve to have both parents involved... and not just when they are there.

The baby voices... annoying, but it's also possible they do it to annoy you. They want their dad's attention and maybe they feel you are trying to take that from them. From the tone of your post, it's quite possible. Especially if your husband is also accusing you of trying to take him away from his family. He sees right through your scheme...

Another huge red flag is that he treats you differently when his kids are there. If my husband ignored me, belittled me, or let me feel like nothing more than a maid... it would be time to admit defeat.

Sorry... I'm sure that's not what you want to hear.

I was trying to figure that out too..you left your other children to go make a new family with him? what about them? or did i misunderstand?

This CANNOT be real. But just in case it is, first of all: F--- You. Secondly, I'd suggest family counseling (including the kids you left behind, get 'em on a plane or better yet fly your ass down there... yes, they still count as family even though you had other things to do) and maybe some "Hail Mary's" if you're religious or heck, even if you aren't. Your soul is going to need all the help it can get and it this point you can't be picky.

Sorry if I'm being a mite harsh, but I really have no sympathy whatsoever for your situation. For a so-called 'mother' who would DUMP her three kids, one of whom is still a minor child and the other two who didn't sign up for college ---or for this LIFE--- to take care of what YOU created before they're even legally allowed to drown their sorrows in a much-deserved drink just so you can go follow what precious little is left of your heart. And then you want to make your new husband dump HIS family too, and you get on here and whine about what you have to "put up with" from them... Here's an idea: take a good long hard look in the mirror and get used to keeping yourself company. 'Dad' may or may not choose to 'get a life of his own', but I suspect you will get your wish for yourself.

I am suspicious of this post too, serenity.

If what this woman says is true, she has been in NY for four years. That means her two college age kids would have been in high school and her youngest barely more than a kindergarten kid.

I can understand leaving college age kids where they are, but to leave a middle school kid behind? nuh uh

If the youngest is in 8th grade (still middle school?), she would have left when he was in 4th grade... but hey, if it is a 'real' post, she thinks her husband's middle school aged kids need to grow up and stop acting like babies. Maybe she's one of those mom's that thinks she's done being a mom when they learn to dress themselves or tie their own shoes.... I had one of those!

playing dad? he is a dad. i am not sure about you being a mom though. you left your kids? with whom?

sounds like you picked the wrong man.

or he picked the wrong woman, more like it

OMG! Ok - I was trying this forum out and YES, I did leave things obscure enough for some of you to be making these statements. I am not a bad mother. Background. My 2 oldest sons had graduated from H.S. when I came over here. They were already situated & ready for college. My 3rd son was in 3rd grade and is now in 7th. He is very attached to his father and so it was decided (mutually with my EX) that instead of uprooting the boys (whom didn't want to leave their own home & ranch to live in a NY cramped apt) they would stay in TX. The catch would be that my EX would move into our home so as not to have the boys move with him into his studio apt. As for my current husband's EX Wife; she calls and asks for him to call the Super from her apt bldg so as to voice complaints just because he's a Man and they listen more to a man. She calls to ask him to buy groceries because she doesn't want to carry the bags in the subway train she takes from work. She calls to have him discipline the boys (for which his kids are asking why he's always so mean to them and mommy isn't). She calls to have him run over to shovel snow that is stuck to her Explorer so that she can go to work (boys take school bus). She calls to whine about money issues and how she's not making it and then goes on to ask for a loan (she gets a very good amount $1K+). She calls to ask if she looks good in her cognac colored boots or the jet black boots. He works 2 jobs and she calls to have him get out of work to pick up the boys because she's tired from going out all weekend. As for his treating me differently . . his personality changes when they are here. I've tried everything possible to get along with these boys and there has been some progress. Enough so that they feel good to come to me to help them finish projects because mommy is tired. I've taken them in too many times to count for dinner, rides and washing their clothes without so much as expecting a Thank You from anyone. But my husband's personality is still visibly shifted and the answer for that is still unclear. He tends to buy very expensive games, electronic toys, etc., and he's put our finances in jeopardy. And their (the boys) attitude & tone of voice change when their dad is present. 1 minute they're ok with me and then they change with dad. No, I do not vie for his attention or try to take it away from them. I bow out on many things that I can safely consider a "guy" thing in order for dad & sons to have some alone time. MY sons are very good & progressing happily. Yes, of course they must miss mom (me) but anyone who's talked to them can see that they are very well balanced boys. As for the original plan in our marriage was that my husband was going to finish out 6 years in his place of business before we made concrete plans to move to my home state. I'm just wondering if it'll ever happen or if I'm wasting time. My stepsons aren't the major problem; it's the calls, the calls and the calls from his EX-wife and the way he just changes when the boys are around. NOW reply please.