There are so many replies to my topic since I last posted that I don`t really know how to handle all of them. I spoke with her today and tried to get a feel of what she liked to grow. I am still trying to put all of this together to see if she would be interested in trying it. I haven`t asked yet. I have a feeling that maybe I should. One poster did say ( I am generalizing here ) that I should find out if she would be interested in trying something or if maybe I should just leave it alone. I took NO offense to your comments and it did make me look at all of this from a different angle. I appreciate your insight! :) Another poster said something about growing flowers. Lisa has a warm heart for just the little things in life that makes one smile. I don`t mind at all, for ANY suggestions that can help one forget ones` troubles in a time of hardship. I realize that tonight, I haven`t addressed each and every response that this post has generated. Just tired here and life over the last month, has been very trying for me.This post isn`t about me. It is for Lisa. To all of you posters who are trying to help, all of your comments to my topic, warm my heart! To EVERYONE who has made a reply to my subject, it makes me feel good to know that there are GOOD people in the world trying to help others! You folks don`t know how much this means to me. P.S., I wanted to elaborate with a comment or two on everyones thoughts and suggestions tonight. I really did. Please don`t take it like I didn`t care about what each individual poster had to say that was helpful. ALL comments were helpful! I MEAN that! God bless ALL of you FINE folks! I and my friend are so blessed! :) This post was edited by hobbiest on Wed, Oct 29, 14 at 21:44

Thank you.

Finedreams....You have made an excellent point. I get emotionally involved in most issues...for some things that is good....for others it is not...I had thought about the issue of seeking advice from strangers verses people that know you....I think both sources have their respected places....Few places offer you the varied experiences that you can find on a forum such as this.........Some times I just need to know when to shut up also. The tongue is the most difficult muscle to control. :0)

Well, Lola, I think we're all a bit relieved you didn't leave a middle schooler with two college boys so you could move across country to be with a man and his kids only to complain that he was parenting his kids! Couple questions: How old are his kids? How long have they been divorced? Who instigated the divorce? It seems he has an established life and pattern with this woman. It seems that either he doesn't want to change the pattern, or he doesn't know how, or he does, but doesn't want to make waves. Anyway you look at it, it sucks. I hate the ex-wife call, the ex-girlfriend call, etc. My poor DH has to listen to my DD talk on the phone with my ex 4-6 times a week. On speaker phone. And let me tell you, my ex is SUPER annoying to listen to for me, so imagine how he must feel!!!!! (oh, right, you already know! :) As for voices/personality changes, I've noticed kids change voices with different adults, as adults change voices with kids. I think this is pretty common. My DH gets a high pitched voice around my DD that drives me nuts, but she seems to like it. My DD gets a little more pouty and introverted around him than me. I think it's just because she doesn't know him as well as she knows me. Your husband may be feeling awkward in his dual roles as lover and father (not to mention how to act around the ex) and unsure of how to be the middle man. "I've taken them in too many times to count for dinner, rides and washing their clothes without so much as expecting a Thank You from anyone." You'll probably catch flak for that statement. You married a man with kids. Expect to do a lot of things without a thank you, you are now a mom with all the stress and strain and without the benefit of automatic mommy love. It's a rough road, and you earn every callous on your patience, heart and hands. So about him changing when the boys are around. Can you talk to him about this, ask him casually if he's noticed he has a split personality? (not in those words, of course!) About her... yeah... not much you can do. Time will take care of that, unless they're planning to live across the street from one another for the rest of their lives. Then, retirement could be a little less relaxing than planned, right? "Honey, take your cane when you go out to get her groceries and put on her snow tires, it's slippery out there"! LOL. Sorry, not trying to laugh at your misery but the image was pretty funny!!! Six years is a long time. Where will the boys be school-wise at that time? Would they go with you? Or would they stay with mom? I'm pretty uncomfortable with the whole situation, frankly. How long did you know him before moving cross-country to live with him in his town in his life with his kids? Ohhh, one suggestion? Have you ever considered doing the phone answering and chore doing yourself? Answer the phone, oh hi _______, I think the mauve eyeshadow will compliment your eyes better, and was that cream of chicken soup you needed? You're a team, I bet your husband might enjoy not having to do as many chores where she is concerned and she'd probably get really tired of dealing with you. Plus, a couple of wrong purchases might convince she's better off doing her own shopping. Progresso? I thought you said store brand! Oops, my bad! Say, did you know there's a great grocery delivery place? I have their number somewhere... I'm sure you're tired of having to depend on us!