Mona and Deborah nailed it. You still haven't told your husband about her behavior with boys, have you? I don't know what the "sensitivity" is about not telling him, but your daughter's behavior trumps that. I cannot stress enough that he MUST know now. I don't care if he screams at the top of his lungs, hits his fist through a wall or throws something, he'll calm down and think rationally once he gets over the shock. lol If she were my daughter, she'd be grounded for the summer. I too had raging hormones at 12, and they were totally out of control. Thankfully I didn't have sex but I sure did like to kiss boys! All it took was for my dad finding me and a boy together at 12 years old kissing him. It scared the pee out of me! lol. Oh, he was mad alright but I changed right then and there. Shannon, you're trying too hard to make your daughter happy right now. Nix all suggestive clothing. It's time she dressed and behave like a young LADY. Tell her she will be greatly respected behaving like a lady instead of an "easy" girl. I think it would be fine if GIRLfriends came over to visit, chaperoned, and if she goes to a GIRLfriends house chaperoned with parents you approve of. I wouldn't allow her to walk anywhere. Or go shopping alone either. Someone needs to have the "Come to Jesus" talk with her ASAP or it will be way too late.

bnice - it seems like some parents have more faith in their children's judgement than others but sometimes... and i don't mean all the time... they may be misguided. And putting the child's welfare aside, it's just plain rude in my book leaving a kid on someone else's doorstep IMO. ((see paragraph below)) dances - yes, they went to another kids house.. without calling. But, it's across the street and I can open my front door and call for her. Is there a difference here? It is from my perspective but these are my views. I wonder if another parent may think it rude though. Food for thought. I'm 49, and also would be upset at being abandoned, which is what it is. And you're right.. no payphone around here. He didn't have a cellphone so he would have had to use someone elses phone to call. coolmama - My DD catches the bus down on the corner, by herself. I don't like that so I don't leave for work until the bus has come, which puts me running late a few minutes. Luckily I have a boss that understands. And, I really don't care if people think I'm paranoid, either. Just want to make sure that my DD is fairly treated and I'm not holding on too tightly.

Hi Southernsummer, Thanks very much for your practical advice. I tend to agree with the idea of waiting it out until they approach you. Yes, and trying to draw them in (to get close to me), might instigate feelings of disloyalty. So I will wait it out - it is the most prudent. We will not start to combine families -- my GF and I discussed the imprudence in that -- the writing is on the wall: my daughter is very close to me and demands a lot of attention, and she sees my GF as competing for that attention, hence, we would not combine families now. I am trying to avoid them spending time together -- though sometimes it is hard. What usually happens is the 3 of them (SS, my son and daughter) play nice together, often to the exclusion of the SD who is the bitterest. I don't find the atmosphere healthy, hence I avoid it as much as possible. My GF suggested we go on Disney vacation over the summer -- it is appealing, so long as we all stay in separate hotel rooms -- but I still wonder if it is ok ( my kids do not seem ok with it, mainly because they think her kids are either cold or mean to them). But starting next academic year, we might move closer to the same school district so we can be closer and support each other. But yes, time and patience is the key. Thanks again !! Pintonala

tos~ How she and her best friends have maintained their friendship, despite the miles, is a source of amazement to all of us. They have a very special relationship and they are all so close. I was just speaking to one of the other mothers last pm, and we both continue to marvel at the strength of their bond. They make it a point to spend lots of time together whenever they can (when she's here for visits). My stepson is best friends with the 2 older brothers in the families, and we adults are friendly as well...have occasional cookouts, pool parties, etc. Although, I think the kids friendship has fostered the adult/family gatherings.... As far as her friends in NC...the majority of her non-school time is spent in dance class, so she is friendly with the girls she dances with. But she says that she really doesn't have any super-close school friends that she "hangs out with", etc. She rarely has sleepovers or talks of anything she does with other kids there. Mostly she is at the dance studio...she's a very accomplished dancer. Lack of good friends there was actually one of the things she discussed when she brought up the idea of coming here for high school. So tos, it's your turn....are you a step-parent? Are you a NCP? What would you have told your daughter in the "hypothetical" situation I posted?...seriously WWYD? Like you, I have no intention of EVER divorcing, but I can "imagine" what I'd do if I were faced with a similar situation....so, please, tell us what you'd say. For the record, my DH fought the move in court. Michigan is a no-fault divorce state, and spousal infidelity has NO bearing on custody, whatsoever. Michigan is VERY pro-mom, despite the fact the courts say they have no "gender bias". Essentially, the only time a mother does not win custody is if she can be deemed "unfit", due to drugs or extreme circumstances. Even homeless mothers win custody here...since we have many women/children shelters, etc. It's really disturbing that the courts do not really have the best interest of the child as their main focus. At the time of his ex-wife's affair, the children were ages 1 & 4. Since they were babies (toddler) he felt that the kids should stay in their home, and with his work schedule at the time, it just made more sense for her to stay in the house. He got an apartment closeby with the understanding that it would be temporary while they "worked on it". Obviously, the outcome was different than the plan. Trust me, if he could have changed the outcome of the custody situation, he would have. Initially, they had joint custody, 50/50 split. When she decided to move, she filed for sole physical, joint legal. He fought it and lost. The judge thought that her soon-to-be new husbands job promotion was more important than children having close, easy access to both parents. That was the sole deciding factor...her husbands increased income. So they can use spouse income to decided custody, but they won't use it to calculate child support...go figure...great court system.