I think the one that will be embarrassed is the BM because she doesn't want anyone to know that she is a candidate for the reduced/free programs. The fact that she says her 7 year old son will be embarassed is merely a cover-up, especially since practically everyone else in the school participates in the program.

However, this is the way it is now in the school system because I do remember when I was in school and on the assisted lunch program, there was a stigma attached to it. Kids can be brutal to one another..."Ha Ha, your momma's so poor that you have to eat your lunch from a smelly brown box." (They were also always moist...and had a very distinctive smell). Even now in my 30's, just the smell of anything resembling semi-moist, bologna smelling cardboard, makes me want to go and hide. But the lunches weren't all that bad.

MY POINT is that the BM is either unaware that the school systems with regards to these programs have lessened the stigma factor by making these programs appealling to everyone, and in fact, pushing everyone to get on it due to it's overall benefits to the schools. Or, she is trying her best not to divulge her own financial situation and feel less like she would be the reason why her son is on the program, which it seems would be humiliating to her. It could also be an opening for her son to blame her for putting him in this "embarrassing" program.
Or, she takes great pleasure in having her exH pay the maximum amount for everything that he's done to her. Remember, it's his fault for everything and he will have to pay for it all and then some.

I know in my son's school, they only have a half hour to eat and it's like a race for survival in a mess hall. He says it's fun...they get to pick this, this, and that...get their milk, juice or water...sit down, eat, and get back to class. And then there's the one kid in his class who DOES tease everyone because his mom packs his lunch for him...the problem is that he never finishes it because she obviously thinks that her son is going to camp for a week instead of lunch for a half hour.

HOWEVER, enter the world of child support payments, finances, fairness and justice. I would take this up in court/mediator if BM is not willing to do the paperwork. Your DH (and you) have a lot of financial obligations where the kids are concerned and you are satisfying those responsibilities, but you wanting to lighten the burden should not be a strike against you. The other children are in the programs and (even though I am ...LOL) they aren't going to be scarred for life.

Maybe you could ask someone in the principal's office to call the mom and expalin the procedure. Or if they have a handout on this. In my DDs school, elemenarty children either "buy" or bring lunch. No one knows whether the kids who "buy" are using subsidies or all money. All the kids know is the teacher takes a count every Thursday who is buying or bringing the next week. In high school, they get a card that gets swiped at the end of the line. Again, no one except the principals office knows who buys with cash v. who buys with subsidies.

I think the subsidized breakfasts are a great idea to get kids started on the day right.

School lunches are not usually considered part of a child support order to pay school expenses, because food is the responsibility of the custodial parent.

Unless your court order specifically spells out school lunches, I would not pay it. I am assuming you are paying guideline amounts for the rest of your child support.If the mom wants the money for school lunches, let her argue her reasons in front of a mediator or judge. At that point, she would be hard pressed to explain why she wont allow the kids to have their lunch subsidized, but still expect dad to pay for it.

I would check with my lawyer to make sure I wasnt doing anything that would break the order, but then I would send her a letter stating that lunches are not ordinary school expenses, that meals are her responsibility, and that if she wishes assistance, she must first apply for any subsidies that are available ( most support orders require that)

Let her decide whether to push it. I bet she backs down and gets a subsidy.

Of course, if your husband can afford it, the least antagonistic option is just to pay the bill, but I do realize that school lunches that arent subsidized charge a premium price to help offset the cost for the majority who are subsidized.

Actually all school lunches are subsidized to some extent:

http://www.fns.usda.gov/cnd/lunch/AboutLunch/NSLPFactSheet.pdf

The school gets $2.47 for each free lunch served, $2.07 for each reduced price lunch, and 23 cents for each paid lunch.

When my kids were getting free or reduced price lunches, there was a list next to the cash register of all the free and reduced price kids' names. Fortunately my kids didn't mind too much, because anyone could see the list.

I am amazed that there is a community where most of the kids qualify. We used to live in an area with a lot of poverty, and only about a quarter of the kids qualified. For a family of 2, you have to earn no more than $25,327 in order to qualify for reduced price lunches.

Thanks for the replies. I just checked our lunch program and for a family of 2, you have to make less than 18k a year to qualify for free lunches and bm definitely makes less than that. Dh is going to talk to her about it, and if she still refuses he is going to speak with his lawyer next week.

Including child support? How does she support her child on that? Rent on a two bedroom apartment would exceed that where I live.

Actually, the person who needs to apply and is the head of the household in which the child resides, not the person who takes the child as a deduction. In many divorces, the NCP is allowed to take half of the children off of his/her taxes, but the NCP's income is not the income used in determining eligibility. Eligibility is based on the total income of all members of the household in which the child resides.

tos- yes, that is including child support. She doesn't work, so we don't really know how she supports herself either. Dh makes her car payment every month, and pays for everything extra for ss (clothes, sports, toys etc.) She moves a lot living with friends and relatives so she doesn't have rent. In their divorce agreement, they decided that they would each get to claim ss for 3 years, alternating, and she has 2 years left before dh can claim him.

If she is living with friends or relatives, especially if she is eating with them, they would all be considered one household, and their income would probably prevent her from qualifying for reduced/free lunches for her son. There is a high probability that the car payments made by her ex-husband would also be considered income.

Well, the car and loan is in dh name so I doubt she could use that as income.

Now I am just a little freaked out. It sounds very much as if your hubby doesnt pay guideline amount child support.It sounds, from your post, that your husband pays her car loan and gives money to pay for some expenses, rather than a set amount each month based on his income, according to the standards of your state. I hope I am wrong.

I cant imagine how mom manages on 18k a year. I think in this case I would just shut up and pay for the lunches, so that you know your stepson gets enough to eat. Unless, of course, its a severe strain on your household.

Perhaps mom could be enticed to apply for subsidized lunches, if your husband offered her half the savings for extra child support. It surely sounds as if she needs it.

If you take this to court, don't you have to get an attorney? An attorney will cost money and your expenses will probably exceed one or two years worth of lunches for your stepson.

I think I would drop the subject and have DH continue to pay for his sons lunches. The school lunch program has specific financial guidelines for very good reasons.

I'm reading between the lines, but it appears to me that you are aware that your DH's income exceeds those guidelines.

No, OP says that her husband can't apply because the child's mother is the one who claims their son as a dependent, & only that parent can apply for school lunches.

As for husband's income exceeding the guidelines, OP says her children are on the lunch program.

doesn't sound like there's a whole bunch of extra money floating around...

After reading the guidelines, I have confirmed that it doesn't matter who takes the child off their taxes. What matters is whose household he is a member of. That would be complicated if there is shared physical custody, but otherwise it is pretty clear cut.

Sorry I couldn't get back here sooner, but answer everyones questions...Dh does pay a set amount of child support monthly. He also pays for her car loan, all ss medical insurance, 100% of medical bills not covered, ALL school clothes, sports and equipment, school photos, etc... anything that is even remotely (or could be considered) school related.
We don't have a lot of money floating around, there are 5 kids between us. DH is self employed so just paying health insurance every month soooo expensive. As to whether or not we would qualify for the reduced lunches, it would really depend year to year, we have good years and bad ones. This year we qualified.
If what tos said is true about the taxes (maybe we were misinformed?) then it still won't help us to apply for ss, because bm has full physical custody. Anyway, dh is going to talk to her tonight and see if something can be done.