Dotz

17 years ago

I'm sorry Dotz to hear about your DH. My heart just goes out to you. The days of suffering ahead will test your being. I hope you & your DH have many good days & only a few bad. You're a strong lady & your DH is a blessed man to have you in his life. I'd love to have someone like you in my Dad's life. Although, I shouldn't want that for any woman(JK). Love my Dad dearly, just not good marriage material. Hugs & prayers to you Dotz

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Comments (13)

dotz_gw
17 years ago
Hey Misti!! How are you? Boys getting big I ll bet!!! Is DH behaving? LOL Hows the step situation going?DH went for a pain block yesterday, got me up early this AM, not a happy camper..Thank you so much for all your kind thoughts and wishes. Bet your dad is not all bad, he raised you didnt he? LOL Keep in touch, please, think of you often XXOO Dotz
pseudo_mom
17 years ago
Sorry to hear about hubby ....

I have to say it was very nice of you to extend an olive branch to you know who and for it to be ignored.

with all you are going through to take the time to try and help her with her feelings (loneliness etc.) you are a wonderful woman the kids and the ex who cares ... take care of YOU and your hubby ... let them worry about the rest.

You have done enough for them.
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Well, maybe I am the minority here and maybe I will even get blasted, but who cares? So, here goes: I didn't have kids so I would have someone to appreciate me. I love them more than anything and would do anything for my kids. But they were taught from their first words to say thank you. Not just to me, to anyone that did anything for them. ESPECIALLY anyone besides me. I am their mother and I HAVE to do certain things for them. Anyone else that does anything for them does not HAVE to, so therefore they ARE deserving of some appreciation and gratitude. In fact, anyone that does something for my kids automatically gets my gratitude and appreciation, whether they want it or not. THANK YOU FOR DOING SOMETHING NICE FOR MY KID! How ridiculous would it be if they did something nice and I got mad at them for it? Now, as for my kids appreciating what I do for them? Yeah, they should. I gave them life. I sacrifice so they can have what they need and/or want. I want them to have a better life than me and they SHOULD appreciate how hard I work to give it to them. And that is part of the problem with some of the brats you see out there... no appreciation for ANYONE. They expect everything and take no responsibility for themselves. They don't need to bow down and kiss my feet (though it might be nice) but they can show their appreciation by getting good grades, acting responsibly, not getting arrested, not doing drugs, not getting pregnant (as teens) or hanging out with the 'wrong' crowd and by acting in a way that makes me proud. But, saying thank you, please and your welcome is common courtesy and something they were taught from the time they could talk. It's not something that I have to think about but I do expect them to treat people with common courtesy. If I ever heard of one of my kids treating a stepparent the way some of us are treated, they'd certainly hear it from me that's unacceptable. If MY child rolled his/her eyes at someone that is trying to do something nice for them, not okay with me!!! I wouldn't justify that behavior because I don't like the person they treat that way. How I feel about someone has nothing to do with it. That isn't how I raised them and IF they are (or feel they are) treated poorly by that person, I would certainly not condone that as the way to deal with it. If there is a problem, then it needs to be addressed and resolved, not throw fuel on the fire and make it worse with poor behavior. That isn't going to make anyone's situation better, only worse. The message I want my kids to have is 'treat others the way you want to be treated' and there are sometimes people in the world that you don't like but you have to learn to get along with them... it might be a boss, co worker, neighbor, in-laws or a stepparent. DEAL WITH IT.
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I really think why it worked for Dotz, above, is that her SS realized through his own divorce, how BM (his ex-) can so easily contaminate the well. It doesn't take much. Even a deep sigh from BM whenever dad's name or SM's name is mentioned, sends the signals to the kids that dad and SM make mom unhappy and threatened, so the kids feel threatened. Even as adults, very few SKs can remove the emotion from such and see it for what it is--mom being mom and her reaction is just that, her reaction and not necessarily the reality. But, when SS lost his own BM and the divorce shoe was now on his foot, it made it, I'd imagine, easier for things to click. I'm happy for Dotz. I've heard this from a few SMs, where after 20 or such years of being somewhat the family punching bag, something clicked, and next thing you know, BM was off somewhere with her new man and adult kids were all okie-dokie with dad AND SM. Some people have the ability to just let it all go and get back in love with whomever. I'm not sure I would. Actually, I'm pretty sure I wouldn't. It'd be very hard to let go of 20 years' memories of being the family scapegoat. And that is why I feel the real lesson here is for SKs or adult SKs. If it takes too long to put 2 and 2 together re: who on purpose, accidentally, or accidentally on purpose contaminated the well, it may be too late. Then, you lose one of your parents and/ or get divorced, and you have no one to reach out to. Given DNA, bio-dad may be forgiving, but SM may not, and she does not have the DNA connection that is usually required for that much forgiveness. Dotz' SS got really, really lucky. I hope he realizes that!
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dotz_gw
17 years ago
And how very nice of you to say that :) And as for the EX, would LOVE to just summon up the courage to say Screw you LOL, but I dont want DH to get slugged first and me second, she is a VERY volatile individual LOL Thanks again Dotz
mistihayes
Original Author
17 years ago
Hey Dotz,
I hope your day is going well. There is hurt that shouldn't be happening when one is ill. You want to be surrounded by loved ones. I'm so glad your DH has you. Divorce can really bring out the ulgies in people. I'm sorry & if I could stretch my arms to wherever you're at, I would. Well if you were here I'd have you covered in little boy kisses that are almost smothering.
My family is doing really good. DH is working his 3 12's so I get alot of help with the boys. Couldn't ask for a better Dad for my kids(superheroes). My 3 little boys believe they are superheroes that are always defeating the "bad guys". They go to bed discussing how they will defeat them when they wake up.
We are going to welcome a new addition into the family in April/May. DH is like the more the merrier & giving out High 5s & I'm looking at the pink lines thinking WOW, I'm going to be really busy again. To me, babies are hard work(precious), toddlers/preschoolers are much easier & just the funniest little creatures around.
Well Ms Dotz hang in there & know you have my fullest compassion & admiration. Hugs!
ashley1979
17 years ago
Congratulations, Misti! Even though you weren't really telling all of us :) LOL!
dotz_gw
17 years ago
Misti!! A new baby!!! Great news!! I am so happy for you!!!LOL Would pay big money to be smothered in kisses from little boys!! LOL..Reminds me, I had a death in my family once and one of my friends said, are you OK? And I said I need a baby and a dog.. Still feel like thats what I need....Oh I SO remember the Superhero days!! Remember HeMan? My lil guy had the sword inside the back of his shirt 24/7!!When it broke in half, he cried all night, first thing in the AM had to run out for a new one..All they had left was Skeletor, but they were identical, I ripped off the packaging and all was well again LOL Glad to hear all is well, cant wait to hear more baby news as it progresses!!! I m going to post a little story for you below, geez, so odd I thought of you when this happened, but I know I have told you about my SIL before..
dotz_gw
17 years ago
Hi Misti, wanted above seperate from good wishes...But I thought of you when SIL related this to me..SO last weekend, SIL flew in to stay with me for a 26K race in my city (shes originally from here)to raise money for the Childrens home that her daughter spent her last year in..Its a home for profoundly handicapped children, SILs daughter could not walk , talk was blind...SIL has a soft spot for the wonderful care her DD got here, and also has a relative of hers there now..So she , a woman in her mid fifties, decided to train, for four months, she is NOT a runner, and do this for DD(In memory) and relative, the home is in dire need of money, privately funded. I was worried sick about her, that she may get hurt, fall, pass out, break something, she is NOT a runner...Any way, here is her account of the race...She did well at first, keeping pace with some runners, passing others, and finally at Mile 15, as she calls it, she hit the wall, could not go a bit further and a young girl came up and fell in place beside her and started to talk to her, asked about her family, why she was running, and told her SHE had a relative in the same Home...She encouraged SIL the rest of the way and SIL said, I can do this, and felt this young girl was a Godsend, kept her going, never left her the next 10 miles, never leaving her side, like other runners had come and gone....ANYWAY, FOUR HUNDRED YARDS from the FINISH LINE, the girl said, YOU GO, FINISH STRONG YOU WILL BE FINE, and left the race!!! Walked off the course!!!! Disappeared from her sight!!!! Wouldnt you think if you raced 26 miles, you d go 400 yards for your medal???? So strange...SIL said she must have been my guardian angel..I ve been thinking about it since she left a few days ago...Just so odd the girl didnt cross and get her medal..So, anyway, was thinking about you Misti, and thought you might enjoy the story...
mistihayes
Original Author
17 years ago
Ashley, Thank you for the congrats. Those are always appreciated.
Dotz, I have a story to tell you but I have to transfer the photo to photobucket first. I have to tell the story with the photo. It's amazing & leaves me shaking my head that how can this be happening.
I got chills reading what you wrote above. I remember you telling me of your SIL & the tragedy she has lived with. Can you believe the endurance that woman has to continue life at its fullest? She's an inspiration to all. I admire her strength, courage, & determination to not give up.
Do you have facebook? There is a video on there that is going around called, "A Father's Amazing Love". It's beautiful if you get the opportunity to watch it. I bawled the whole time. I'll look on youtube too & see if it's there.
Thank you Dotz for being you. And yes, I enjoyed the story very much.
dotz_gw
17 years ago
Misti, Looking forward to your story and photo, if you d rather keep it private, I ll send you my email address...Wow, saw the video, Fathers Amazing Love on Youtube, sending it to SIL right now..She will love it..(I cried too :) )
mistihayes
Original Author
17 years ago
I hope the picture shows up. Sorry it's so long.
It was a few days before Mother's Day. It's a celebrated day for us. And it's that way because Brittani would always make me something special. Well we had taken the boys to the mall & each received a balloon from customer service, a yellow, blue, & orange balloon. While we were driving home Christian's blue balloon popped. He was heartbroken, couldn't soothe him w/ promises of a new balloon, screamed at the top of his lungs over this balloon. He was thrashing in his carseat. And Daddy yells, "You're balloon is gone & it's not coming back". Travis didn't know it but I had really been missing Brittani & thinking about her & as Christian was crying so hard I'm like that's how I was w/ Brittani, unconsolable. And when he yelled that back to Christian, it kind of stunned me too. Well we got home & I made my other 2 boys leave their balloons at the squirrel feeder & told them we'll just enjoy looking at the 2 balloons from our livingroom window. So, I hang up the 2 balloons & it only takes a minute to walk in the house & up the stairs. We all went right to the window & their was a pink balloon sitting at the base of the tree. Pink was Brittani's color. Travis was amazed. I was speechless. I ran outside searched the neighborhood for another pink balloon. This was midweek, no parties around, no balloons anywhere. Now how can this pink balloon just show up at the exact time & sit at the base of the tree where I hung up my boys' balloons? I'm a very alert person & would have seen a pink balloon if it had been in the yard prior to me hanging up the boys' balloons. It just sat right there. It was like Brittani saying, "No, I'm not here in the way you might think, but I'm here for you."
lovehadley
17 years ago
Wow, Misti. That is soooo cool. What a special way for your little angel to let you know her spirit is always around you!

I have NEVER found a "randon balloon" in my front yard! EVER.

I am the first to be skeptical, but that is just TOO coincidental for me!

I definitey believe your little girl is with you always!
mistihayes
Original Author
17 years ago
Thanks Love! Many hopeful prayers your way. We did IVF w/ my twins & when I read your hopes, I can only think positive. Goodluck to you & yours. It's definetly an amazing adventure.
dotz_gw
17 years ago
Misti, I am not one bit surprised that Brit wants to give you a sign.. I love this!!! My kids(niece and nephew) give me signs now and then, no one can understand this like we do.....I wish there was a forum were people could talk about this without some one thinking you were dreaming these things up!!!!

Dotz

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