I'm feeling discouraged and fed up

15 years ago

I'm really feeling discouraged today. It was another morning of SS trying everything he could to miss the bus and either not go to school or have me drive him (I'm not sure which he wants because it's not going to happen). I feel like we're running around trying to patch him up and as soon as we start to make progress, it's back to BM's so that it can all be undone again.

I think I mentioned the kittens before - she never gets pets fixed so (surprise, surprise) the female ones tend to get pregnant. Several weeks ago the cat had a litter of kittens, whereupon she then tried to convince SS to take one home, and disparaged DH (to SS) as being out to get her for refusing to do so. Well, the kittens all "mysteriously" died (it's purely coincidental that it was right about the same time that they'd start needing solid cat food, I am sure). DH and I are disgusted, not just at the death of the kittens, but at the fact that SS was even told about it. He's eight years old; tell him that they were all given away! I appreciate honesty as much as the next person, but it's difficult to believe that much truth was involved in the part about perfectly healthy kittens suddenly and mysteriously all dying overnight.

DH and I had been talking about trips we'd like to take, and one of them involved a vacation to a famous historical location in a non-third world, developed country. Apparently this past weekend SS mentioned that to BM, who told him that it wasn't safe, that they put people in jail for no reason for breaking stupid laws there, and that the only way he was ever going to go was if she went with him. (I'm unclear on how exactly that would help anyway since she couldn't help keep her BF out of jail for breaking the "stupid" laws in our own country....)

Which brings us to yesterday, when we got a postcard reminding us to vote. SS asked what it was, I told him, and he said "Oh, is that so you can vote to make it illegal to kill babies?" After I picked my jaw up off the floor, I asked him for more info and he explained that his GM (BM's mother) had told him that that is what one should do on election day. Just to irk me further this is the same woman who emailed DH and told him that he should drop the CS because it was so unfair and mean to BM, and (of course) I should pay to raise SS (while BM retains visiting rights and her title, natch.) I was not amused - of course everyone has the right to their own opinion regarding abortions, but he's eight. And of course DH and I cannot (will not) explain.

I'm so tired of biting my tongue and acting like these comments or behaviors are not completely inappropriate. I'm so sick of this just going on, and on, and on..... Is this ever going to get better? It's no wonder SS acts up for a few days when he comes back! What is wrong with these people?!

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Comments (8)

lovehadley
15 years ago
Good grief. I don't know what it is about these kinds of mothers that they feel the need to share ADULT information with their children.

BM does this with SS; in her case, I think it's born out of the same ignorance that causes her to treat him as her friend, even someone upon who she relys on for emotional support.

These people DON'T give enough information WHEN necessary but give way TOO much when not necessary.

An eight year old does not need to hear about a litter of kittens dying---probably because the poor things starved to death. Is there any way you could report BM anonymously to the APA or police or something? Animal neglect and abuse can be considered a crime.
mattie_gt
Original Author
15 years ago
"I think it's born out of the same ignorance that causes her to treat him as her friend, even someone upon who she relys on for emotional support." That may be the case. I'm also wondering if it wasn't some sort of retaliation for DH refusing to allow SS to bring home one of them ("If you'd taken one at least one of them would still be living") kind of thing. Sadly it would not surprise me if that was the point of it.

I thought about calling, but BM is currently living in a poor rural county; I don't think anyone deliberately or accidentally killing a litter of kittens would rate high on their list of cases. They've got some real horror stories to deal with like people abandoning their farms before foreclosure, and leaving the farm animals to starve to death, that kind of thing.

It just drives me crazy. SS is either treated like an infant or an adult - but never like what he is, a child.
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lovehadley
15 years ago
Yeah, it is sick, mattie, it really is. :( I'm sorry. These people do so much damage to their children. And one could argue that the *intent* is not there, but that doesn't matter. Damage done is damage done, no matter the intent.

When will people wake up and realize that parenting is important?! These are your childrens' hearts, minds and futures you're shaping. AUUGHHH.
yabber
15 years ago
Dying pets and dangerous holidays, aaahhh the memories come flooding back..

BM has had all pets you can think of, that fit in a suburban house that is. And they all died before there time: starvation, mistery illnesses, sudden disappearances, you name it.

When we took the kids on holidays same thing as well: How irresponsible were we taking them to this place, they could fall off the rocks and into the water and drown!
We were basicaly risking their lives by taking them..pfff.

Isn't it amazing how all these people, all over the world, all come up with the same nasty little games? UGH
mattie_gt
Original Author
15 years ago
Love, I don't think these people even care if or how much damage they are doing. When DH has tried to talk to her about how x is upsetting SS, she just immediately blows it, says that DH is a liar, she knows what's best for her son (she doesn't know anything about her son!) If someone told me that a child (or an adult, for that matter) was very upset by something that I had done, I would seriously consider my behavior. Even if the person telling me tended to exaggerate, that is not the kind of thing you just gloss over.

Yabber, really? That's kind of funny. I wonder how/why they all do similar things. But it is true, BM has had a slew of pets that "disappeared" as well. It ticks me off too because healthy pets very rarely just drop dead overnight, and now SS is worrying that our pets are going to suddenly keel over.

Did you get the dangerous flight thing too? Anything could happen on an airplane! Maybe snakes will get loose on it! The amusing thing, of course, is that BM has no idea whatsoever of what his day to day life is like; she doesn't want to hear about it. We could be letting him run with scissors, play in traffic, take candy from strangers (that'll be Sunday!), go have sleepovers at the single guy down the street who wears one glove - she'd have no idea. But as soon as she hears vacation, she's suddenly oh so concerned about his welfare - so very concerned that we should pay for her to go and take her too! Ha ha ha!
incognitomom
15 years ago
BM is crazy!! It is funny how some parents are so uninvolved until something sparks their interest and then they are gung ho on "protecting" their child from vacations, weddings, "evil" stepparents, etc.

I remember bm, who rarely saw the kids and when she did stuck them in front of a tv all day, decided she should pick at me. I was the evil sm because I told her kids DH and I were not ordering school pictures! I had told the kids since we had gotton family pics taken about a month before that I didn't see the need to order school pics.

BM was livid because of course she wanted some free copies of school pics. Her call to dh was her yelling about me and how I should not be making decisions for HER kids. lol DH offered her the choice of paying for her own school pics or offered to give her a copy of one of our pics of the kids (with me, him, and ds in it). The subject was soon dropped. lol
parent_of_one
15 years ago
These are just some trashy people. Poor SS...BTW how is older SS copying living with her?

And what's with pets? SO's ex kept rabbits (they didn't live in the country, she kept them in a garage), mice (many), birds (many), fish, cats (3), rats (many), and a huge snake. All of them at once.

And yes we had our share of "dangerous".

Few years ago SD (now 22, then maybe 19) got bad case of mono while in college.

She came home (which means dads of course not moms) and stayed home sick. SO bought her computer games, books, movies so she wouldn't be bored while he is at work.

One day she felt better, was bored and baked some cookies. BM called her (0nce in a blue moon) and SD said what she is doing.

Later in the evening BM called and screamed bloody murder at SO "How dare you make a sick child cook and serve you food. You make a sick child bake you cookies, now she'll be more sick. She isn't yuor servant".

SO hung up so she sent emails in all capitals screaming bloody murder how SD's life is in danger from baking cookies. LOL

Oh what crazy people.
mattie_gt
Original Author
15 years ago
Parent of One, older SS is doing OK. He's going back and forth between his friend's and BM's, and is apparently working just enough to have spending money but not enough to save for college. So that is a bit disappointing but on the other hand, he's not running wild or getting into trouble or anything.

It is also frustrating because the kids are still being told this ridiculous story about how everything is going to dramatically change for the better soon. So we suspect that SS18 is also waiting for the deus ex machina whereupon everything is magically resolved with no effort on their parts.

I love the cookie story! LOL!

I'm feeling discouraged and fed up

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I'm feeling discouraged and fed up

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lovehadley

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