1. Play your own game.

2. I am a big believer in education. As to what to pursue -- it should be a combination of what you are interested in, what a career path might be. Maybe also taking career assesment tests, etc.

Agreed - Play your own game. Just because someone else also majored in the same or similar field doesn't make it wrong for you. And honestly, it's a bit of a stretch to question someone's motives for their choice of career field. Given that you declared your major years and years ago, it'd be a tough case to make.

I don't want to make a "case" out of it. I have just been bothered by the timing of it all.

I had a desire to go back to school for Psychology for a long time, but did not until just a few years ago. The issue that has bothered me was that BM was attending the same college that I was attending... she was majoring in graphic design... but then within 1 semester after I began school and had declared my major in Psychology (which all of my children, including SD, knew I was working towards), all of the sudden BM switched her major over to Social Work....

This was around the same time as she lost joint legal custody of SD in court as well; so who knows what her true motives were????

To top it off, I have a big interest in theater arts. I was very involved in Drama Club and Stagecraft all throughout MS and HS, so joined the Drama Club and got a part in the fall play at the college we were attending. In fact, I was involved in the theater group with my oldest daughter... it was great for the 2 of us... THEN all of the sudden, guess who happened to join Drama Club??? Yup, you guessed it... BM!!!! I asked DH if she had ever had any interest in theater and/or was involved in theater in HS... he said, no! This just felt like one more invasion to me.... coincidence again...hmmmmmmm???? I did not let her "push" me out, though. I ignored the fact that she was there, although it was very uncomfortable for both me and my oldest daughter, but we just made the best of a difficult situation!

I cannot begin to figure her true motives, but it is just suspicious all the way around and upsetting for me because of feeling an "intrusion" into my areas of interest from someone who did not seem to show any interest in those areas in the past!

That is creepy and annoying...

My Ex did some stuff like that. Shortly after the divorce, I moved to another city with our son. When Ex saw my new house, he was livid. (I moved from a very small house in an expensive neighborhood to a same-priced-but-much-larger new house in a far-out suburb close to my new job.) And he made a big deal to DS who was then only 3! about how HE was paying for our fancy new house. Then he immediately bought himself a house. Not too long thereafter, my old car finally gave out, so I bought a new car. Again, Ex freaked when he saw it was a "nice" car, so within 2 weeks, he traded in his 3 year old car for a brand new model "one-up the food chain" from mine. A few years later, 8 year-old DS asks me how big the diamond in my engagement ring was. (DH and I had already been married 4 years, so no obvious trigger, and an odd question for a little boy - huh?) So I asked him why he was asking. He replied that "Daddy said he is going to buy GF a bigger diamond than yours." (OK...) A few years later, we moved into this house. From DS "Daddy says he's going to buy a house right near ours so I can see him any time I want." OK. So a few months later, DS asks "How big is our house?" I dodge "Honey, you know how big it is -- you live here.." "No Mom, Dad wants to know how big it is - you know." Me: "Why would he want to know that?" DS: "Daddy says he's going to buy a bigger house." Enough! Move on already!

You getting your degree should not having anything to do with what degree she is getting. Who cares why she changed majors? I could see why it would be annoying but it would be a big mistake to forget about your dreams because she has a similar career interest. Then you would be even more bitter toward her for the rest of your life. It would be ridiculous for you to switch your path because of her. Many, many people have an interest in psychology (have a degree in it myself). It also is not surprising that your DH would choose two different women at different times that both would go into similar fields. My boyfriend was dating a woman before me who has the same degree as me also.

I would chalk it up to her being annoying and go on about your life like you would have, including getting your psych degree.

Thanks..... honestly, I will do whatever I decide is best for me to do in the end. I truly do not let her dictate what I do... just get tired of the games. I have been overly stressed with some things lately (nothing to do with BM or step family issues) and noticed that it has influenced my posts the last couple of days! I have been letting my emotions get a little out of control.

I do appreciate people's feedback though. It helps clarify things and put things in persepctive in my own mind. :-)

Good for you! As you surely will learn in your counseling classes -- YOU are the one who decides how much control she has over your emotions and decisions.

No one is going to think you are "copying" her by going into such a common field. It's not like you both went into translating Etruscan! If anyone were odd enough to think that, that's their problem, not yours.

It would be awfully sad if you didn't follow your dreams because she went into a similar field. Who cares what she does? Don't give it a thought now, and don't compete with her in your own mind as you go through school and your career. You don't have to let her have such a central place in your consciousness. It takes practice, but you can do it.

I may be reading all of this wrong, and if so, I will apologize in advance.

But perhaps whats really bothering you is that while you have been simply "talking" about it all this time, she actually got busy and got it done. Now she has the degree in hand, and you have been simply "dreaming" about it.

Forget about what she is doing. It is simply a huge waste of time and emotional energy. In your one life time on this earth, if you "really" want to work in psychology, then stop talking about it, and get yourself over to the college and get the education to make your dreams a reality. Otherwise, it is simply talk. But I think if you can get yourself motivated to actually make your dream a reality, you will be so proud of yourself! If you don't, you will always wish you had.

I do not mean this to sound unkind. I am hoping to motivate you. Ask yourself if this is "really" what you want to do. Is it possible you did not actively pursue this goal for some reason, in your subconscious? Otherwise, take the first step towards doing what you have always wanted to do, and then you will not have regrets.

Every time these thoughts of her pop into your mind, make a conscious effort to switch your thought immediately to something positive, and happy.

Thank you for the encouragement and words of advice. Actually, there is some truth to what you have said. The main thing is that I have been raising 7 children and now a grandson for the past 20+ years and have not really felt I could pursue such a huge undertaking (mostly financially). I have been back to college many times and have been working slowly on my AA degree so that I could eventually continue on with my Psychology degree beyond that. I guess what really has bothered me is that I had FINALLY gotten to the point that my children were getting older so I could realistically start working harder towards my degree. When I went back to college to finish up my AA, BM was in the same college and switched her major AFTER I had declared mine. This could be coincidence, but given the timing and the fact that it was within a couple of months after she lost custody of her daughter, I really don't think so.

Yes, as far as me completing my degree... that is completely up to me, and has nothing to do with her.

I guess when I initially posted this, I was just feeling frustrated because BM intereferes in every aspect of our lives and I just get tired of it!

Yes, I do get somewhat "jealous" because I am raising her daughter as well (which I have NO complaints about, I love my SD), but BM seldomly pays her child support on time and often less than ordered... and yet somehow she can still manage to go to school full-time and obtain a degree in my chosen field!

Okay... so my feelings are somewhat irrational... they are just there... not all the time... but they do surface now and then :-)

But Social Work is NOT the same field as psychology. Psychology is a science akin to biology, at least if you take the right courses, and social work is not. Psychology involves real courses like statistics and neuroscience and physiology, and my impression of social work is that it involves learning how to help people who are happier than you are, as Tom Lehrer would say. Of course that is true of some clinical psychology courses as well, but at least you can't get a degree without knowing some mathematics.

There are lots of scholarships available for returning women students, so money shouldn't be an issue.

A great deal of students (both young and old) change majors in college, often more than once. Don't waste your emotional energy on what career path she chose. I doubt someone (especially an older student) would go to the time and trouble (not to mention expense) to pursue a career path, to copy you (afterall, she will probably spend her life actually working in that field) otherwise, what is the point. So on this point, you are probably being irrational. With that being said, I also "get it". Many people have a dream of what they would do with their life if they could go back and get that education and do what they want with their life. And yes, it is painful if the person you least like, actually gets busy and does what you only talked about doing. It would bother most people, and I think in a way, they are really mad at themselves for not doing it, but when they already don't like that person, they are bitter that that particular person did what they wanted to do.

However, I don't think you would feel any better about it if it was your sister, best friend, or brother-in-law, who had gone back to college, and now had a degree in psychology.

Go back and think about if something other than the kids is holding you back. Once you are able to actually identify why when you had an opportunity to go back and wrap up your education and pursue this dream, you hesitated...can you face what is holding you back? And if you have done that and are still clear that this is what you were meant to do, than get started, and start pursuing what it is you want to do.

It really does not matter what other people do, just do what you need to do.

Thanks to all! It helped to just voice my frustrations and get some feedback from people who are not emotionally involved in my life!

Yes, most of my frustration is with myself for not fully knowing what I want to do "when I grow up"! :-)

I will continue to reassess what my goals and aspirations are and go from there!

If it is any comfort, I truly do understand. Good luck and find something you love to do. If you can actually get paid for doing something you really enjoy, you will be one of the fortunate ones! It is being able to assess who you really are, and what you enjoy, and seeing if you can find a career that suites who you are now.