June, while it is probable older SD knows what is going on with dad from younger sister, please don't assume. I think it would be a small thing on your part to call older SD and let her know that dad is in the hospital, that he had major surgery, and if she wants to visit, let her know the best time. This way you know you have done what you could do to help their father/daughter relationship, you won't be blamed for not letting her know what was going on with her dad, and who knows, maybe this small reaching out could be the start of a better relationship. I don't think you have anything to lose.

I hope your DH is on the mend and doing well.

Tamar,

Thank you so much. I did call her and asked her if she knew her Dad had surgery. She said she did hear it from her little sister but was waiting to hear it from her Dad.

She said she didn't really understand what kind of surgery it was that he had. I told her it was not life-threatening but I did tell her it wasn't as simple or benign as he tried to make it sound to the younger daughter. He tends to candy-coat things with the youngest, and the oldest was getting her info from the youngest, which I was afraid of.

She did say that the two of them have been in some sort of standoff and that she honestly didn't remember why they were supposed to be mad at one another. I told her that I didn't think her Dad knew why they were supposed to be mad at one another either.

I told her that her father loves her dearly and I know that she loves him dearly, too. She thanked me for calling her to talk about this and said she was going to call him. I asked her to please not tell her Dad that I called her and she said she wouldn't.

I feel so much better. He should feel pretty happy when I see him later today, after talking to her.

Thanks again!

Well Done, June!

Hope your husband recovers quickly and fully --

Hi june -
First off, my best wishes for a speedy recovery for your DH!

Like tamar wrote, it sounds like the right thing to do to contact older SD and personally tell her about her father's hospitalization in order to give her the hours of visitation. In a normal situation this would be true, however, with a background of hot and cold spells netween the father & daughter, it sounds like there has been more going on here.

I would add that you might first want to ask your DH (out of respect) how he would like you to handle this situation. He will know if a visit from her might help or hinder his recuperation time. I wouldn't do anything until I spoke with him and got his thoughts.

Good luck and please keep posting!

I'm happy to hear you feel good about your conversation with SD! Usually that's how we can tell when we've done the right thing :))

Ladies,

He is at home now and is doing better. She didn't mention coming over so I think she was just planning on calling him. But if she wants to come over to see him, I think it would make my husband smile and it shouldn't hinder his recovery. If anything, it will help to just have a call. He's been pretty blue about her not calling.

Again, thanks for the great advice. I wasn't sure what to do and I feel very good about this.

Thanks,
June

I didn't tell DH that I called his oldest daughter. I'm glad I didn't. She hasn't called him yet. Maybe today she'll call.