Becoming a step-mom is the hardest thing I have ever done. I had never been around children and had never wanted any of my own. My SD is 8 and I have been in her life since she was 5 and I love her more than I ever thought I could love anyone.

From the very beginning I have always had a hard time with her BM. My husband, BF, is very lax and in the past has let a lot of things slide, as to not cause problems with his ex. To me though, there are just some things that are unacceptable. BM has always been very flakey and we could never count on her for anything. I am a very organized and structured person that always plans ahead and tries to make sure things are in order.

We shared custody of one week on and one week off. This is very hard on SD as at BM house there were literally no rules and no consequences. SD would come to our home and we always felt that we were being made to be the bad guys because for the first half of the week SD was in our home it was a nightmare. It was a never ending cycle that I dreaded every week. BF, my husband, even got to the point where he tried talking to BM about rules and getting a similar structure at both of our homes, but it never worked. There was even an occasion when I went to pick up SD at BM and she was out playing and the neighbor guy came over and dumped a bunch of toys at BM feet, BM asked if SD was over next to his house playing he just looked at her at told her is wasnt his day to watch her effing kids. This made me realize how much SD was just running free whiel with BM.

School was always the toughest battle though. When SD was with BM assignments were never turned in or they were late. SD was always late and missed school. I would even go so far as to give BM written instructions of what needed to be done for school the following week, but it never worked well and the letters always got lost she just didnÂt pay attention to them.We ended up becoming very close the SD teacher and keeping in almost daily contact to try and ensure her school work for the time she was BM was turned in. I have always tried to instill to SD that school is very important and should come first, next to family.

BM also was living with a boyfriend during this time who was dealing cocaine, she was using also. SD was sharing a room with BM and boyfriend, which we thought completely unacceptable. We reported this to social services and they did a report and nothing ever happened. It is so frustrating that we tried to follow the proper steps to alert the authorities of this and it was ignored.

About 6 months ago BM moved to CO, we are in AK. SD is now living with BF and I. SD went and visited BM for 8 week during summer break. During this time BM started telling SD that when third grade was over she would come live with her in CO. This was NEVER agreed upon. BM has no family there and only few friends.

SD has expressed openly how much she loves living with us full-time and how much easier it is on her. She and I have also grown incredibly close in this time, more than ever. We no longer feel like we are the bad guys, very rarely does SD even get in trouble these days. Her teacher commented on the positive improvement in her work and attitude as well as the parent teacher conference.

BM was ordered to pay us child support back in March of 06Â, but we have never enforced the order because we had always managed to split SD expenses pretty evenly. Since moving though BM has not helped with any expenses or offered to do so. She has only sent one package after she first left with a pair of shoes and some knick knack stuff.

BF and I decided that we were going to file for a child support order. BM hit the roof! Is it unreasonable that we ask that she contribute a small amount to her daughterÂs day to day needs? The monthly support is only $100 a monthÂI myself have SD on my insurance that is almost $300 a month. I told BM that just because she moved doesnÂt mean that her responsibility as a parent went away.

We have also filed for full custody. We do not want to risk that SD be removed from her entire biological family, including BM family, and the place she has lived her entire life. We also feel that we can provide a stable living and learning environment for her. When BM received the paperwork she sent back the response with letters from her co-workers, that have only known her for 5 months, stating what a great parent she is and what a great person she is. These people did not even spell SD name rightÂ. SD was only there with BM for 8 weeks, how can these people fairly judge what type of parent she is? I hate the fact that a custody dispute turns into nothing more than he said she said and trying to make the other parent look bad. I truly believe that it would be in SD best interest to remain living with us and visit her BM during school holidays and summer vaca.

My husband (BF) and I are both terrified now that we have opened a bag of worms and that SD will be given BM. Everyone I know that has gone through this type of thing have told us though that there would have to be some serious neglect going on for a judge to grant custody and remove SD from her school, entire family and her home. I love my SD as if she were my own and would do anything to ensure her happiness and well being. We would be crushed if she was taken away.

I donÂt know if I am looking for advice or just needed to vent and hear some encouraging words from people who have and are going thru the same thing. I know I am not her mother and I will never take BM place, but we just want what is best for her and to help give her the best head start on life that we can.