Finally

18 years ago

Things are going better with DSGS. The day after crying because he was supposed to do his reading, he came home proudly announcing he had done it that day.

Also, he did a beautiful drawing of a dog in art class. Long story, but he hated his mother and hated all females because of his older brother's influence. Oldest brother is in a residential treatment center for sexual abuse of children. He's 14 and has been in and out of juvie since he was 9. DSGS used to go into months-long melt-downs just hearing his mother's voice over the phone. She came back recently for a 4-day visit that was truly wonderful. She went with us for back to school night and acted as a mother to her son for the first time. Anyway, when we met with the art teacher, she mentioned that both she and her sister are great artists, and they really are. DH and I backed her up on that point, and I think it impressed DSGS. He's really trying in art, so it may be an outlet for him. Before, he just used to draw angry dark black slashes that looked like pitchforks.

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Comments (5)

vistajpdf
18 years ago
Wow, I'm blanking out on your specifics - some short-term memory issues I'm battling, lol. But, it sounds as though you all have really turned the corner. These are g-kids - can't quite get DSGS abbreviation? Refresh my memory and keep plugging along...

Dana
dirt_yfingernails
Original Author
18 years ago
He's my step-grandson. He's special needs probably because his mother was most likely heavily into drugs before he was born. She never had custody and her mother was a very poor substitute. DSGS has had a tough time but is improving after 4 years of living with us. He's 13 now.
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vistajpdf
18 years ago
Wow. Bless you for intervening. It's a tough situation but it definitely seems as though you've made a life-changing difference in this boy.

Is the mother deceased now or MIA? My cousin was an FAS (fetal alcohol syndrome) baby that my mother mostly raised as her sister led life in the fast lane. She'd come and get him when it was convenient, but it was my mother who was up w/ him as a baby (wouldn't take his formula), then he was back and forth through early childhood til he was 10 when we had full, though unofficial, custody of him. He's a sweet adult (mid 30's) but is taken advantage of - no confidence in himself thanks to her damage to his self-esteem before he came to live w/ us. However, she has since (much like DH's ex) found the Lord and apparently we're all condemned (for what, I don't know) while she has been 'forgiven.' I hesitate to judge...

Dana
dirt_yfingernails
Original Author
18 years ago
Mother lives a long way away. Remarried for the third time. On probation for numerous drug violations. She just got custody of her youngest son. She doesn't know who the (different) fathers of her oldest two are.

Her drug use I believe is due to her mother's influence. Her mother forced both girls to be strippers and drop out of school as teenagers when she became too old to be desireable as a stripper herself. She also bragged about going to rock concerts and smoking weed with them. Some mother!
mom_of_4
18 years ago
It is absolutely amazing to think that things like that happen in our so called advanced and morally righteous society. Just hearing that makes me want to throttle a few "moms" and I use the term extremely lightly...

But then, I know it is difficult to break the cycle of bad behavior... for example: my mom's mom was an alcoholic... there were five kids.. my mom and two other made the decision to not follow the same path as their mom but still have serious issues with things like trust (that inevitably bled down to my life) the other two followed the path of drugs and alcohol... and all the while blames mom blamed society anything they could.

Everytime I hear about a "mother" doing things like that or making any selfish decisions it makes me so very irate. No one forced you to have that child and no one forced you to even keep that child.. So why do such horrible things to the child or make decisions that cripple them forever...

Finally

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