I guess sometimes we have to resort to these tactics. I just don't believe in it personally. Children need to want to do things because it's the right thing to do-not because something is in it for them. It just sends the wrong message. SS needs to know that out of respect and appreciation for his Father, he has to help every now and then. It's just the way life is....We all have to do things we don't like sometimes.
I've bribed once or twice, we all have.....but I keep it down to two times a year! LOL!
Bio-Mom bribes my SS DAILY with money. He has a bank filled with cash. Now when she asks him to do his homework he asks for money. It's getting ridiculous. It also hasn't made him respect money too much as something that is not so easy to get. He has been pilfering cash all over the place....at her house, at friends and he also was accussed of stealing someone's lunch money at school. From her bribery approach I get the sense he has become greedy.
Interesting thing is in this house, he's not taken a dime, nor does he ever ask for it. He does what he's told because he knows that's what is expected of him, PERIOD!
I understand this was an isolated incident, but I'm just sharing the extreme side with you! I hope you don't think I'm being too critical. Just sharing my experience.
Have a good day!

I don't like this - and it has little to do with the bribery part. Mostly, I think you undermined your husband horribly and did so behind his back. The fact that you had to sneak out to do it should have been an indication. If you thought your plan was a good idea, you should have taken your HUSBAND aside and spoken about it. On its face, it isn't unreasonable to pay a teenager to help out at a family business. It may or may not be the best decision, but that should have been a family decision, not yours alone. How would you feel if you found out that your husband was secretly bribing your ss to be nice to you and to help you do something? Also, what does changing the plan midstream teach your ss? If you grumble and complain enough you can cash, if you go along happily you work for free?

As far as cash in general goes, I think it is a poor motivator. I'm sure lots of people here can dig up studies taht show overuse of external motivation actual lessens internal motivation. That is exactly the opposite longerm effect of what parents are hoping for. To me though, there is a more immediate concern. Kids really don't value money/material things as much as we think they might. They most powerful motivators of people at any age are respect and freedom. If you want to motive a young person to do something, show them how that action is going to lead to increased personal freedom and increased respect/trust from those they care about. Using money as a proxi for one of the other of those is at best missing the undlying forces at work and at worst distorting the value structure.

Bill, I agree with some of what you have said, but I think the bigger issue here is that the father hasn't stepped up to the plate when it comes to his son, so in order to keep peace in the house Betty felt this was the only thing to do.

Obviously this boy has been allowed to be lazy and cop an attitude because he knows it will get him out of chores in the household instead of being told what is expected of him and then laying down consequences if these rules are not followed.

I personally give my boys an allowance for doing specific chores around the house. All this really does is give them control over a little money so that they have to think about what they are going to use it for because when it is gone, and their friends want to go to the movies, they cannot come to Mom and ask for more money. They are also expected to do other chores around the house which do not have a monetary reward attached. I look at it this way, at my job, I am paid to do the tasks assigned to me and then I receive a paycheck as my payment for performing these tasks.

Betty, you need to sit down with you husband and discuss this issue with your SS attitude, because it will only get worse. I know, I had step-teenagers in the house that acted the same way and it isn't pleasant.

Good luck

Ordinarily I would agree you should not have done this, but since it is done and if it works, it may make the son realise his life will be better if his attitude changes. After it is over ask him how the day went with his dad. If it went well point out to the SS that he should try it more often.