As I pointed out in the post that you are so hurt by, I posted my comment before you posted your apology to TOS. Had I seen that, I would never have said what I did.

I think you should stay. All of us have baggage, and the fact that you are so offended by me, a stranger, only means that you have some baggage too. I wasnt trying to offend you, But the troll calling really bothers me, and , as I explained in my last post, I am super sensitive when it comes to religion.

Stay.

I wouldn't let that chase you away.

We all have different religious or non religious beliefs here, no matter. We are here for support with our stepfamilies. People get angry, things are said. If you have to forgive others for saying mean things then you also must forgive yourself.

I hope you stay and certainly hope you don't let someone else push you away from this place because you reacted to another persons bitter words.

Let's get on with it and help each other.

Remember the advice we were given about such posts? SOB, scroll on by...

I hope you stay and don't allow yourself to be bullied.

Ya Believe don't chuck yourself out so easily. Most of us take hits in here, some warranted, some not. But the truth is it is a good group.

Much as she used to tick me off, I have come to admire TOS's strength. She takes lots of hits and never leaves, and that is a GOOD thing. We can all learn something from that kind of tenacity. Most everything she says I don't agree with and vice versa. We don't agree to disagree either. We just disagree. But still if she wasn't here it wouldn't be the same. Ditto for KKNY, even though she is "frequently" wrong;) I even get the feeling KKNY doesn't like the name colleen or anyone who has a name anything like colleen.

Believer you have come in and stated powerfully your views. There is nothing wrong with that. But it most certainly will attract some attention.

So stick around and put into the pool.

Kathline wrote this on the other thread and I wanted to respond without taking over that thread. I also didn't want to start a new thread because I don't want it thought that I am making a thread to attack one person, I am not. I am only giving my opinion on how TOS affects ME.

"I think TOS has a huge chip on her shoulder. I think she sees with blinders on, and I think she thinks that every step mother in the world is evil incarnate. She assumes that every Stepmom in the world got her husband by cheating with him, and she looks for little things to prove that to herself. I think she is hurting herself by her inability to get past things. She is a deeply wounded person."

Kathline, that is your opinion of TOS and you are entitled to your opinion. I have also thought similar about her (with sadness & pity for her situation) but after a year of reading how she responds to posts (especially mine, which I have felt she seeks out just to say something about, but that's her right apparently) I have concluded that she is not lashing out in pain like a wounded animal, she is nasty and likely enjoys getting people worked up with what she says. She's entitled to do that, it's a public forum. My comment, which I have said a few times, that 'TOS and KKNY are not SM's, they are not in a step family situation and they do not send their children to a SM' has been interpreted as me saying they don't have a right to post. I didn't say that. I am only informing those that may not know that.

For example, some of us have experience in dealing with certain situations that others don't and if I make a comment on ADHD children but really have no experience dealing with an ADHD child, then anyone is welcome to point that out. Usually, I will point it out myself by admitting I have limited knowledge or experience on a subject but then offer that it's only my opinion... Some that post here are not parents at all, they are step children and they identify that when they post or someone points it out for the other readers, it does not mean they don't have a right to post, but when newcomers are reading, they should have the right to know that much. KKNY has been quick to point out many times that I have never been in a long term marriage and therefore I should not comment on long term marriages. She's entitled to tell the world that I have not been married long term, but I do have a right to my opinion and readers have a right to know my opinion is formed without the benefit of living through a long term marriage.

Everyone is entitled to have an opinion and while name calling is wrong, it is also wrong for someone to kick others when they are down.. it is wrong for someone that doesn't want help, never posts about 'their' problems, very rarely offers constructive advice to some of the problems here, but instead attacks, blames and denigrates the poster or those that are offering constructive advice. I can't speak for anyone else, but I know that I am a kind, patient, caring person but there have been times that the nastiness that TOS writes has brought out the worst in me. I'm ashamed of things I've posted to her because it's not in my character to be mean. The reason I single out TOS is it's only in my opinion that she brings out the worst in ME. She may not have that effect on anyone else but me, so maybe that is something I need to work on... it's my problem so I'm not blaming her.

Ima,

I think the other posters on the board would have to be blind not to notice that it does seem to get personal between you and TOS very often. I agree, she looks for things to attack you for. I also think that you are very sensitive to the things she says. I dont really think KKNY is that far out there, but I can see there is a personality clash between the two of you as well.

Different personalities handle things in different ways, and I guess I tend to have a higher than average dose of empathy for most people. It really bothers you when TOS or KKNY attacks your past choices, and I dont think thats particularly fair of them. I think some of those things in your past have made you particularly strong today, and if we are all going to be judged on our past choices, I doubt many of us would be able to stand. I do sense the "bulldog" in you though, in that you have a hard time letting go of something. Thats just who you are, and you dont have to justify that to anyone either. You are who you are, and as long as you are happy with it, who cares what anyone else thinks?

I guess where I get bothered is with the blatant name calling. Troll is a very offensive term, imo, and coming on the heels of a week from hell, it just brushed me totally the wrong way.

Believer, for what its worth, so far, many of your opinions I totally agree with. Dont leave on account of me.

believer,

DO not leave because of someone leave on your own terms... If you leave because of someone then they are controlling you...

TOS has taken several shots at me and has tried to make me out to be a bad person and Im not going anywhere. At first I ddnt know her situation but now I do...

I hope you stay...

Believer,

I also don't think that you should leave. I am going to have to go back and find exactly what was said to you, although I think I know, but don't leave.

I joined back in May and only posted a couple of times before fully being in the cross hairs of TOS and KKNY. One of them actually made fun of me for wearing an apron while I was preparing Thanksgiving dinner. (What is this, grade school?) Oh, and I was also corrected by one of them for what they perceived as a misspelling of a word in an old phrase. A fellow poster was kind enough to get the dictionary out to show that either their spelling or mine was correct. I have no idea what the phrase was anymore. I was taken aback by the lack of maturity. I was going to leave then too because I felt I was wasting my time w/this BS. I didn't visit this site for a week or two and then I began lurking again and reading the archives. I benefited from the insights of many of these posters, so I returned.

Sometimes it's hard to "scroll on by" and not get caught up in some of the comments by these two. I think that we can see when things are going to deteriorate and turn into a feeding frenzy, so...

KKNY and TOS, if you two read this, I hope that you will each PLEASE understand that while your are entitled to your opinions, many of them are off subject, seemingly disruptive, and come across as mean spirited and not at all helpful. If you have nothing positive or helpful to say, then please participate in a thread where you can be of true help. I am kindly asking you both to please refrain from negativity.

Gosh, this post was not about what TOS or KKNY said and they are both getting called on the carpet. Sometimes things get heated. Debate is healthy. It's silly to want to take your ball and go home just because somebody said something you don't like or agree with.

Heah, I have had people here call my DD names. It seems to me that some people can accept critism of moms, but not SMs.

Believer, Kathline apologized to you several times already. Since you've posted one apology yourself, surely you can relate to someone else doing so?

Kathline, imo, is one of the kindest and most even-tempered of the regular posters on this board. I am sure her apologies are sincere. I think if you would stick around, you would see that, too.

On the other hand, there are people here from very different perspectives and backgrounds, and we are discussing families and relationships which are important subjects, and emotionally volatile, and very open to subjectivity and interpretation, so things do get heated at times. If you stick around, you'll probably experience that aspect again as well. But I think that diversity is helpful. I believe, and hope, that I am going to do a much better job and building relationships with my BFs children and grandchildren for having hung out here and heard all these different perspectives than if I had found someplace where everyone always agrees with me. I mean, obviously, I'm always right (JOKE) (HAHAFUNNY) but that doesn't mean his kids know that; I think they are sometimes going to be some of those pesky people with different perspectives than me. So why not stick around and see what you can learn here, too?

This post was not about TOS's behavior. It was not about kkny's behavior. It was about mine. Kathline called me on the carpet about something that I posted and I didn't like it.

If I wish to "Take my ball and go home" I will. It may be silly to some but I prefer not to add to the stress of my already stress filled life. If I choose to leave it will be because of me not being able to SOB comments that I feel upset about. I have labeled myself a Christian and I should do my best to act like it though at times I'm not sure what that means. I have a hard time keeping my mouth shut and I get my feelings hurt VERY easily.

I have emailed the site through the contact us section. Trying the other ways didn't get me anywhere.

Please don't bring up other's names here. They will give you enough opportunity to jump on them in the future.

This is the first time that the word "Troll" has gotten me into so much trouble. I have been on other forums and it was used with no backlash. I just thought it was an acceptable term for someone that made trouble for others. I have gotten in trouble before for just mentioning that I believe in God.

Kathline...I have read your postings and appreciate them, Thank you. I have not yet decided whether I will leave. Perhaps by the time I get the info on how to do it I will have changed my mind. You are right....I have much baggage. From my childhood, through my 1st marriage, through 12 years of being a single mom without a break, through becoming disabled 10 years ago, through my parents both dieing 10 years and so on. Somethings I know are hard to shake. I don't like it when I realize that I still carry things with me like I do. I took a nap after all of this went down and had a nightmare about my mom. How stupid is that. Oh well enough already.....I'm sorry about all of this.

It took me years to be able to post in forums such as this without running away or been driven away. I have learned to post my opinion once or twice, if it turns hostile, I don't post again even if someone attacks my reply.

You can go away. You can go away and come back under another name. You can go away quietly, or you can make repeated posts re leaving (looking for attention).

But you can't take the ball and go home. It isnt your ball. It isnt your ball. Its a public forum.

If you decide to leave, I dont think there is really anything you need to do other than not post or come to this specific forum anymore..I am sure there are many people with accounts that arent active anymore....it is up to you whether you come here to post/reply or not..

That being said....
Sometimes people have bad days, and lots of times people disagree, and lots of times we dont want to hear what someone else has to say if it is not of our opinion....but that is why I come here..not for "drama" but to get others perspectives,views and thoughts on a subject..I am glad that there are BMs and SMs on this forum, I want to know what others think..we all want to be right...sometimes we are sometimes we arent....
My advice is to take and use the advice you think will be helpful, and discard the rest...if you dont agree you dont and thats ok too....... there's no reason you should leave...

Yes, Raek, debate can be healthy, but some of the stuff that is happening here is more than just a debate. In the case of the Kathy In Washington post, Kathy felt the need to defend her past life because somebody assumed and accused her of being TOW because she is so much younger than her DH. If the person wanted to have a debate about older men and younger women marrying, then she should have started a separate post and no one would have been offended and everyone could have participated in a healthy debate if they chose to do so.

Why choose to harass someone about wearing an apron and a perceived spelling error? That's not healthy debate either. Having a differing opinion is fine and one can/should voice it if they so want; and we can all learn from these differing opinions. I think that people would be more receptive to see the other side of things if the differing opinions came from a positive and compassionate place rather than from the negative.

so far the most offensive things ever said on this form were very mean words aimed at KKNY's minor child. And with the exception of few of us nobody said anything and some even found it hillarious. I do not remember words of apology. compare to those mean spirited words anything what kkny or tos ever say about anyone is nothing.

there are plenty of people here with whom i would never associate IRL, I wouldn't even meet them IRL, let alone have anything in common. but this is anonymous forum, not RL, and who knows who is who? it is funny to have dramatic exits: i am leaving! so what, who cares. this is just a forum, not life or death decision.