Threading your serger correctly is really key. On my machine, I first thread the lower looper, then the upper looper, then the needles (on my machine it doesn't seem to matter which needle I thread first, but on some machines it does). When you have it threaded, pull the threads under the presser foot and at the 11:00 position (kinda crosswise across the machine bed). On my machine, the upper looper thread must lie over the lower looper thread. Make sure your needles are in correctly, with the flat part of the needle shank facing away from you on most, if not all, machines. Do you have the needles inserted all the way up into the needle bar? A hinged dental mirror is very helpful to make sure. My machine must have a number 90 or higher in the front needles, any size in the back. If you have a two-thread option, make sure when you do 3-, 4- or 5-thread overlock, that the two-thread converter is disengaged. Just some thoughts. Good luck! Mary

I believe in the principle of NO TAXATION WITHOUT REPRESENTATION: if I have to do the work, I have the right to decide about it, otherwise I can not be held responsible for it. This is true in any relationship, public, professional, private or parental. I nipped in the bud the chores'problems because I simply prevented it, having seen a number of stepmothers having to juggle two full time jobs, without any thanks for it. When my SS came to living with us, given my husband'schedule,I did know I was at risk to became the enforcer of the rules so I sit dow with my husband and said: I work and you work, and a third person in the household (especially if he's a teenager) means more housework to do. My time is worthy just like yours, so let's discuss how to distribute this additional load.If your son has to help with the housework, you will be responsible for enforcing this rule, if you prefer to have him concentrating on his studies, you can pay after your pocket for a maid coming and doing this additional work. My husband as he's out all the day and did not want to being constantly on the phone checking on hs son, decided to pay somebody else to do the jobs his son is not doing. So a maid is coming twice a week and does all the "heavy jobs", floors, vacuming, deep cleaning the bathrooms and the such, better done when nobody is home, and I do only the everyday little jobs, while my husband and my SS are responsible for household and food shopping: my husband for the big week groceries, he has the car, and my SS for the milk etc..He tried to "forget" about it but he found himself without milk for HIS breakfast next morning and he has never forgotten since! (i had breakfast in a cafthat day !) By the way, I do only the "general" housecleeaning: the common areas, or bedrooms, our pets, the garden etc..my SS and my husband are responsible for my stepson room (the first two monts they "forgot" to cleaning it, I "resisted" and in the end they had to paid the maid for 4 additional hours! out of my husband and SS pockets! from then on the room receives regular maintenance) and SS laundry, trasportation: I try always to be kind and helpful in a pinch but I did take care to not get responsible for anything as I work too. About general cluttering, "forgotten" items, I take note (with a bit of practice you develop a kind of selective blindness) just of items belonging to to my husband or to me, everything else is left to lie where it fall or if it is in a common area (kitchen, living room entrance) is swept in conveniently placed box (I purchase three square wicker basket that double as additional sits) or left it at the mercy of the dogs: after the first costly sneaker got chewed (and my husband spending a Saturday afternoon shopping for a new pair) things got differents in a hurry. In other words: put your stepson in the BEST condition to fend for himself, notify your husband that you have done your job and that's it, the results are THEIR responsability.If he has to take a medication at a certain hour and he forgets about him, purchase him a 6 dollars' little pill box with an alarm, and ask your husband to put the pill in it and leave it on your SS bedstand, then the next morning, if your SS decides to not to take it, is his choice, and he will have to discuss it with your husband. If you and your husband decide to not go the maid's way, and your SS is to be assigned chores, make theses chores directly related to HIS and your husband's quality of life (cleaning his room, separating, doing and collecting his and your husband laundry, preparing his bag and his breakfast for next morning, cleaning the garage or your husband study etc..) so THEY will bear the consequencesof their (in)actions. This I think is the key: growing up is having to live with the consequences of what you chose to do or not to do. This is true for for your SS but also for your husband. If you can be really consistent (and I know it is hard) it really works and it will not only help your SS to develop skills that will be useful for the rest of your life but make your husband to realize the kind of job is parenting instead of delegating it to you.

I think it is possible the SD does indeed keep caught in the middle of Mom and SM. I also don't think she 'lied' or told a half truth. At the time the discussion first took place, SD had not yet made plans for the summer break with Mom...after reading some of your previous threads, I can't help but notice there has been long standing feud over exact days/visits. The SD was wrong in that she committed and did not follow through on what she agreed to. The mother is wrong for pressuring her daughter to take 'a summer job committment' seriously and making a big ta-do over a day or day (something that this mother though has been known to repeatedly do). And you are wrong with withholding your relationship with the SD in a temper tossing hurt feeling mode. The girl really is stuck between the two 'moms'. One screaming 'be an adult' one minute while treating her as the 'child' the next. The other one still playing the same old games of rearranging schedules no matter who it affects in an all out path of having her daughter 'at home' as many days as possible (while still treating daughter as a yung child/early teen). In an attempt to keep somewhat harmony between the SD's 'moms' daughter ends up being indecisive, nonresponsibile and still kept very much the child while being told to act the adult. If I were the girl, I'd be tempted to remain where I attend school. Maybe visit for a a short spell with each side and work my summer at a job that would enable me to have something more than 'babysitting' for references. Because you are disappointed and your feelings are hurt you intend to punish the SD. You'll just after 15 yrs of being mommy #2 you'll just suddenly begin being 'her fathers wife'. And you'll label a 'test' to see if the relationship can withstand the 'test'. The first time SD expresed her newly found 'adult views' aka opinions (example, daughter's eating habits) you took a personal offense to it and again you're feelings are hurt and deny the SD who you say you want to start acting/thinking like an adult for her effort in doing so. The SD can't win here. Send LS to the daycare as now planned. Quite frankly you can read all the books you please on 'disengaging' and 'teaching assertiveness', but but until you start practicing actually raising the SD with the open mind that she is becoming an adult (even when her new found adult views annoy you), and continue to treat her as the child (both 'moms') it's just setting up more hurt feelings and keeping the girl a girl stuck in the middle. She's young, socializing with a whole new group of people, seeing different lifestyles and discovering who she is and what she believes. My niece as decided her new found 'thing' in life is to be a veggie,...she'd have a stroke to think you're LS eats skittles and poisons her body blah blah blah. LOL. Once 'kids' start expanding their social network, experiencing new groups and ideas, well they can be quite crazy in their new 'worldly views'. My 2 cents. Good luck to you. Sd has reached the age between childhood and adulthood and she's likely to say many more things that appear to be 'anti-you' (or mom or dad or the neighbor) while she opens those wings and begins to shape her own ideas.

I have not meant to ignore your response to me. I appreciate your thoughts and the time you took to share them. Last year, DH & I did go together to do our shopping. I just had little input to offer. I tried to encourage him in the ideas he had for gifts for his children. I just backed off with respect to adding his kids to my mental list of gifts to think about. For example, a few years back, one of DH's kids & their spouse moved to a new city after the first of the year. Well, I had a friend of a friend who was a long time resident of that city. I contacted that friend & asked for restaurant recommendations. I also did some research of my own & ultimately, DH & I gave them gift certificates to about four restaurants in different parts of the city. We thought it would be a neat way to encourage them to learn their way around and visit different areas. I think they liked the gift and it was one where I invested the lion's share of time and energy to make it happen. The other thing I might mention here & where I think BMs on this site make a valid point --- while I believe DH's child valued the gift, I also think this child knew the gift was more my doing than DH's, & I think the child resented this a bit....I think the child wanted the gift from Dad to be just that, a gift from Dad (not SM, not Dad's wife). Anyway, for the past couple years, I just haven't worked that hard on gifts for his kids. I encourage him to think about gifts for them & I offer him support in his efforts to come up with something special. With respect to his birthday party....actually, DH is not a big party person & I do not think a party is something he would value. What I thought he would treasure was time with his kids that was not diluted by some other occasion bringing them together. The gift would be time with them. I believe acknowledging his birthday is something they will do. They are actually good about that...if not with a gift or card, they will call him to wish him a happy day. I am assuming in the absence of a response from them about doing something jointly, it is their preference to acknowledge their dad's birthday in their own singular way. In that case, I will probably forego trying to plan any big shindig and simply plan some sort of special trip for DH & I to take together, some time away to a place he's never been and would find special (Ex: 10 years ago we visited the Grand Canyon. He had not seen it previously). The disengaging thing is a tricky one. I certainly would not want anyone to experience my withdrawal as a rejection on my part...that would not be my intent. Any disengagement on my part would motivated by a desire for self-preservation. I actually TRY (no matter how difficult)not to personalize their behavior toward me. I think they would be this way with whomever their father married, because once he did remarry, any dream they had of their parents reuniting was dashed. I discussed all this with a good friend of mine who is an ordained minister. He told me of a funeral he officiated for a woman in his church. She had been married to her husband for nearly 25 years, and one of the first sentiments expressed to her widower by his now grown children after her death was, "Well, now you can get back with Mom." For some, I think the desire for one's parents to be together forever, never goes away. Again, Organic Maureen, thank you for taking the time to share your thoughts.