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cawfecup

disengaging ... :) part 2

19 years ago

So In the last month I haven't made any decisions regarding my SS 11 yr old ... His father has been the one to say yes or no to what ever happens with him. Rewards punishments going to friends sleeping out ... I took myself out of the equation he has to clear everything with his dad. I have just been enforcing the rules.

Afterschool if he wants to go a friends he has to ask his dad. On friday he wanted to go to his friends. But he had been punished by his dad for having a detention. He started on me why can't I go blah blah ... I said I am not saying yes or no you have to clear it with your dad. Dad was unavailable was told he has to wait. You have to clear it with a parent its not up to me. So he calls the BM she is a parent.

He is asking her if she can go she asks why don't you ask cawfe... she won't tell me a parent has to tell me I can go. Let me talk to cawfe.... "Do you think its logical not to be making decisions like this" ... I said no I am not his mother I cannot make decisions like this. If I say no he has a meltdown and if I am not the one making the decision he can't yell at me he can yell at his dad or you. He tells me "my mother said you can't tell me what to do" adds the I hate you etc. so I don't, he waits for his dad.

She says well he tells me he hates me too and yells at me all the time and I never said that. It doesn't matter they say it all the time but you are his mother you can do something about it ... I just have to sit there and get yelled at. So its up to his parents to be decision makers for him. I keep him safe and enforce the rules of the house. But I do not make the rules when it comes to him.

Here is my point with all this ..... The 11 yr old took it upon himself to call "a parent" and get permission to go somewhere he didn't take off, he didn't flip out, and scream and holler at me ... a month ago he would have just walked off saying I am going to so and so's ....and dealt with his consequences later.

I think he has hit a major milestone. I may be dillusional but "in my world" he made a great choice by calling his mom when his dad wasn't available.

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