Was she not in communication with her kids at all? She should have, at the very least, been in communication with your husband to let him know that she was moving back into your area. To show up unannounced for a visit is rude unless you all have had that kind of relationship (which obviously you haven't) and it was cool with you. To expect the kids to go with her and stay over on a school night with no notice is irresponsible. To leave them crying is mean. I would be upset and knowing that there would be more of the same from her would be stressful for all concerned.

Her communication with the kids varies. Over the summer she went over 2 months without calling the kids. Last spring she went about 2 months without calling the kids. Then the last few weeks she has called once a week. I guess she was getting into "mom mode". She has told the kids in the past that she was moving back to our state, but we did not put much stock into it or anything else she says!

Even after my dh said they could not go last night I told BM she was welcome to stay till they went to bed. But she left. Guess she did not really care about seeing them afterall.

If she would have called to make plans dh would have let her have them all afterschool until bedtime.

I bet you are SO looking forward to the fun that all this will cause in your lives over the next while, while a suitable regular visitation schedule is sorted out. I hope this time, that BM doesnt leave after the kids get used to having her back around.

I bet this is tough on you though. Go buy yourself something pretty, take a spa day, have lunch with a friend, anything, just do something nice for YOU right now. YOur life is likely to get very complicated over the next little while.

So the drama begins......

BM calls my cell today as me and ss are leaving his school. She wants to pick ss up from school and then pick girls up afterschool and spend the day with them. I tell her that me and ss are leaving his school(he is in am kindergarten and I work at his school in the am as well) and he had a playdate with another child in his class and we were on our way to meet them at McDonalds. She huffs.

She then asks when girls get out of school and says she will pick them all up at the same time. I let her know that older sd has practice tonight and other sd has practice right afterschool.

She then asks me why we are making it hard for her to see her kids!!!

So I tell her that she is welcome to spend time with them, but they have been in activities since last school year and their schedules are busy. Can't be changed. It is not us trying to make it hard to see her kids. It is the kids being in activities they enjoy.

So she says "forget it!" and hangs up. Never calls back today or sees kids.

Does plan ahead mean anything to this woman????? Was it impossible for her to know yesterday that she wanted to make plans and call us so we could have told her their schedules??

OR is it she really does not want to see them so she tries to make last minute plans knowing they may not work out and then she can try to blame us for her not seeing the kids??

Sounds to me that she may have had something else going on today and that her schedule became suddenly free so she thought you and the kids should drop everything to accomodate her schedule.

So let me get this straight. BM moved back to your state after being gone for years. Then she shows up at your front door unexpected and thinks that she can just take the kids for the night because she wants to. It does not work her way so she leaves the kids crying. Then the next day she decides that since she has nothing else to do she wants her kids for the day and calls to make plans. When those last minute plans do not work for her she throws a tantrum and again decides if things are not her way she just won't see the kids?

Sounds like such a great mom.

Seriously though good for you guys. Don't rearrange your lives to accommodate her and do not make the kids miss activities and plans to accommodate her. The kids lives are what is important and she will have to learn that they come first. What she wants is not first. Since she is not used to parenting she is probably used to being selfish.

Un-Holy hell Mom2emall....do you live in Alabama because you are talking about the girls mom!!!!

This is the kindof thing she does CONSTANTLY! It is so frustrating because they are in and out. When they are "in" it's only long enough to upset the kids and throw everyones lives into a tailspin and then POOF....she's gone with another guy three states over.

It gets to a point where you pray they'll just stay gone because you KNOW even if they come back is only temporary. The girls are much more stable when their mother is gone rather than when she is back and forth. It confuses them horribly.

Every time mom shows up out of the blue this song plays in my head...has anyone else ever heard it? It's a kids song.

"But the cat came back the very next day....the cat came back...we thought she was a goner...but the cat came back the very next day....boom boom boom boom...boom boom boom boom."

immature people cannot plan ahead. it is like teenagers, they cannot plan ahead. poor kids.

Rough.

If BM pulls up her socks and establishes a regular visitation schedule, that would be great... But I'm not holding my breath for you.

Maybe it would be in the childrens best interest if your husband would call the BM up and offer to negotiate to set up a visitation schedule, so that the kids activities are not too badly interfered with, and so that BM doesnt get the feeling that there is visitation interference, since she seems unable to understand that things need to be planned ahead.

That way, BM will have her opportunities, and your husbands butt will be protected, if this should head into a court challenge by BM, that you are trying to keep her from the kids. I am sure in her mind, you and hubby have the problem, not her.

By being first to offer a potential visitation schedule, your husband proves he isnt trying to keep the kids from seeing mom, thus being a cooperative parent, and it stops the potential for her to paint a different picture.

You're being put in the middle.

Hand the situation back where it belongs;
don't offer opinion or alternatives or compliance;
just refer her to dad, every time.

I have tried to refer her to my dh and she will not call him directly. I really think it is her bf being jealous, he will not let her talk to dh. But I can't blame bf...she was married to my dh and living with him when she started seeing bf. So he probably figures if she did it to dh she could do it to him!

Anyways I had told my dh about suggesting that she gets the kids EOW, but she has to make sure they make it to games and activities on her weekends. DH says he will call her and tell her that. But he feels that she will say ok and then not follow it and we will again be facing problems. But we do have to give it a try.