babysitting etiquette

15 years ago

I have a question about babysitting.

My middle sd's friend lives with her dad. Her dad works a lot of hours. During the school year the girl was here a lot to play afterschool and during the summer she spent lots of time at our house. She was left home with an older sibling babysitting all day and the sibling kind of tried to get her to go to friends houses a lot. Really was not a big deal because my sd loved hanging out with her and she is a good girl.

The older sibling joined some activities so she is not always home lately to babysit. So the dads girlfriend called me one day and asked about me babysitting a few days last week because they have not begun school yet. I asked about the times and she said that the dad would get the daughter by 3 each day. I told her that worked perfect because I had to get older sd to practice at 5 each day and I usually used that time to run errands and go on bike rides or do some type of exercise with the other 3 kids.

Anyways the first day I watched the girl I ended up having her call her dads cell around 4:30 because he was not here yet. I ended up talking to him and he said he does not get home till 8pm and has no idea why his girlfriend said 3? So I said I could keep her till 8 that day. He offered to pay me extra, but I told him it was not a big deal because her and my sd are friends. Next day the girl comes over and says her dad will be here by 3 because they are going to a baseball game that starts at 5. 4 o'clock comes around and I have her call her dads cell and he tells her to just go home. So I walk her home and she stayed home alone??

So I was confused about this and wanted to talk to her dad because I am supposed to babysit her the next 2 days. I walked to her house this evening and talked to her dad and told him I was confused about the times and she could stay here until he got home. I said I was confused about her going home alone the other day and she was more than welcome to stay here until he got home. He said it was no big deal and if there was an emergency she knows other people in the neighborhood. The way he said it just bothered me. I asked if she was still coming over the next 2 days and he said yes. I again told him she could stay till he got home. He said ok and then I left.

So I am confused on what the deal was with the times and why the cold attitude. I have spoken to him many times before and he was always much friendlier than this time.

Did I do something wrong here?

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Comments (6)

imamommy
15 years ago
It sounds like he's passing his kid off on everyone and maybe you've made him feel guilty because he knows he should make sure he has adequate childcare. As long as nobody says anything, he can pretend nobody notices his daughter is being neglected.

How old is she? It's just my opinion but given the circumstances, she's better off home alone than wandering a neighborhood where a predator might notice her going from neighbor to neighbor, but it's still not good for her to be on her own. If she's under 9 or 10, she needs adult supervision for sure. (heck, teenagers need adult supervision..lol) But, at 10-12 she should be able to stay home for a short time with no problem if she knows how to call for help if she needs it.

What's the deal with his girlfriend? Does she ever watch her/ and do you know where her mom is? I used to see kids that wandered the neighborhood like that and it's really sad. They'd always hang out at my house if I was home. It's good that she has you to go to.
sweeby
15 years ago
"It sounds like he's passing his kid off on everyone and maybe you've made him feel guilty because he knows he should make sure he has adequate childcare. As long as nobody says anything, he can pretend nobody notices his daughter is being neglected. "

Ditto --
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quirk
15 years ago
I suspect Dad thinks it's just fine to leave daughter home alone, but girlfriend raised concerns. Dad humored her by allowing her to arrange for someone to babysit but doesn't want to be bothered with the details of needing to be home at the times he agreed to (or that she agreed to on his behalf).
doodleboo
15 years ago
It sounds like he's passing his kid off on everyone and maybe you've made him feel guilty because he knows he should make sure he has adequate childcare. As long as nobody says anything, he can pretend nobody notices his daughter is being neglected. "

Ditto --

Double Ditto----

Also where is this kid's mother??? Why is the girlfriend arranging babysitting for this child?
mom2emall
Original Author
15 years ago
The mom is in jail. From what I understand the dad divorced her and got custody of the kids before she went to jail.

I would not say the girl is being neglected. She always looks clean and eats. I think that her dad just has to work long hours because of the job he has. When he is home he has had my sd there many times. She always has a good time there and the dad cooks for them and she says the home is clean. When I have gone to bring my sd there the house always looks clean and taken care of. And the girl is 11 and her sister is in high school, so they are legally able to be home alone together.

The dads girlfriend does not live with him, but lives in our town. I am not sure why she called to arrange childcare instead of him just calling. He has our # because he has called to check on his daughter when she is here.

Both his girls have cell phone numbers. Whenever his daughter comes over she always has to call her dad to tell him she is here and call him to tell him when she is on her way home, even if her sister is the one walking her to/from our house. And they only live a block away from us.
imamommy
15 years ago
He may be a nice guy, cleans his house and keeps his kids fed & clothed properly, but that doesn't mean she's not neglected. Lack of adult supervision is still a form of neglect. I'm not demonizing him. He's a single parent and I'm sure he's doing the best he can and maybe feels overwhelmed. I've known lots of single parents (mostly mom's) that feel that way. At her age, it's not a big deal for her to be home alone for a while, but he likely feels guilty and having someone bring attention to the situation may have caused him to react the way he did.

Your question was simple... why the cold attitude.. and did you do something wrong. The cold attitude is probably coming from his guilty feelings and no, you didn't do something wrong, but he may feel he is. and it's probably easier for a guy to get angry or defensive than to admit he is overwhelmed and needs help.

babysitting etiquette

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imamommy

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babysitting etiquette

Comments (6)

imamommy

sweeby

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quirk

doodleboo

mom2emallOriginal Author

imamommy

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mom2emall
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