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Back to school

11 years ago

I used to look forward to it.. the sales, shopping, etc. I loved it when my kids were in school & tried to have the same enthusiasm when SD came to live with us. (and I did for the first couple of years) Each year, it's gets worse with SD... now I dread the words because it means she is coming back here for 9 months. I hate feeling this way but I dread it. I have marked my calendar for when next summer vacation starts & she can go back to her mom's.

She's been back since August 7th. School started on the 10th. Her grades are the same... she has 60% on most of her assignments. She got a 28% on her "diagnostic" test for math. (I'm assuming that's like a placement test to see what she knows) So, I give up & see no point in saying anything about her grades... she wants to fail. If she were my kid, I would hold her feet to the coals & go sit with her in class until she starts doing her work & make sure she pays attention. But, she's NOT my kid.

I'm even going to counseling now because of this. It kinda pisses me off that she's the one that NEEDS counseling & I'm the one that has done so much for her... yet I am the one that ends up in the counseling to figure out how to live with this kid... and not go crazy. Last weekend, she went to her mom's house on Friday & called DH that night to tell on me. DH & I were cuddling by each other when she called. She asked him if he was where he can talk. He said yes. (I guess she meant, if he was away from me but he had no idea she was going to tell him "secrets" behind my back) So, I heard her say my name & tell him that I told her not to call my dad "grandpa". (which is NOT true) We had a conversation where she said DH's mom is not grandma to my kids & I asked her what makes my dad her grandpa then? (everyone is her grandparent... BM's parents, DH's parents, my parents & BM's BF's parents...) so I guess she interpreted my question as a request to stop calling my dad grandpa. The Monday after she came back... she wanted DH to confirm he hadn't told me of her call. He assured her he didn't. Of course, he also didn't tell her I was sitting right there & heard it myself. So, on our way to school Monday, I asked her "what did your dad tell you when you called him?" and she got a look on her face that said it all... "uh oh, she knows" and mumbled nothing. I asked her "did it work?" She said "what?" and I said, "trying to break us up by calling your dad to get me in trouble & make him mad at me?" She said, "I don't know, I guess not" I was shocked just a little that she didn't even deny that was what she was trying to do. I guess I expected her to deny it but she's been trying to break us up since we got together... when I think back to things she's done over the years. I guess the answer is to not talk to her AT ALL. It seems she will twist whatever is said. The counselor did say that DH should not have even listened to her. He should be able to see when she tries to make it a secret, how horrible I am to her. Of course, when I told DH this, he said she's his daughter... he HAS to listen to her or she will feel he doesn't care about her. I disagree but maybe we can address it in counseling together. He finally agreed to go with me.

The other things SD has done that DH brought up to me (because she never talks at all when I'm around).. I guess picture day is this week so she asked him, "would you get mad if my mom buys a picture package?" Of course he said no... but he thought it was strange for her to ask in that way, as if he gets mad over what her mom does... especially when it would be a nice thing for her mom to buy pictures or show ANY concern for her daughter.

The other thing that I heard.. only because she knocked on our door & I was in the room with DH... I bought snacks for SD to make her lunch. She has chips, cookies, some cake things & fruit. Last year, I didn't buy any sweets at all. I gave her cheese crackers, raisins, fresh fruit, carrot sticks, etc. But she complained. She likes twinkies. So, this year I give up & buy her a little of everything. The first week of school, the fruit went bad because she didn't take it so I tossed it. The second week, I hadn't been to the store so she knocks on our door in the morning & asks DH, "what am I gonna take for fruit?" in a tone like we are depriving her of her basic needs! I'm just so sick of it and I told my husband that for the last five years, if I told her to ride her bike, why can't I ride my scooter. I tell her to play in her room, why can't I play outside. If I tell her to play outside, Ima makes me go outside & won't let me in the house. I give her peanut butter & jelly sandwich, it's abuse. I do the shopping & thought it would be fine since I bought some of everything... but, she finds a way to be a victim no matter what it is.

I'm just beyond frustrated. I am praying. I am taking stress management classes. I am going to counseling. I am not yet ready to leave my marriage but it has become a strong consideration. (and DH's family is still upset with me... over things SD says to them, but also because the job I gave his brother didn't work out. They've said things on Facebook that were not nice, but I've ignored it. Still, it isn't going to be pleasant when we are supposed to get together around the holidays.) I don't drink but thinking I might... just kidding of course, my mom is an alcoholic so I relax with a drink about once every two years if that. (hence the stress management classes) Anyway, just wanted to vent & welcome any advice or opinions. (If you don't know my background... read the thread "those damn pants"

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