You think it's bad now Southernsummer -- You should have seen it when my mom was working as a nuclear physicist in the late 1950's! There wasn't ever another female physicist in any of the places she worked, and one time, she was 'regrettfully uninvited' to the testing of a small nuclear device she had designed because the facility didn't have a women's restroom!

We've come a long way baby!

Woo Hoo!

Yes, I'm amazed, too! I don't have nearly the prestigious career that you do, but anyone who completes the kind of higher education that professional schools require can't be a dummy, right? And, I have very long, blond hair, so for some strange reason, no one would take me seriously in dental school from the start! I've heard my share of 'dumb blonde' jokes through the years - laughed at them all. Had a cute nickname amongst the classmates - would have been a compliment if I wasn't trying to be taken seriously! Ugh! But, I'm still standing!

I kind of think that we've weathered all the normal stereotypes, are accomplished in our respective fields - previously dominated by men, have gone on to have children, in most cases - thus, juggling a career/home/husband/young kids, but are still treated like poriahs by our skids/SMs, whichever is the case.

I may be broke right now, lol, but I'm FAR from staying down for long as I was taught never to put yourself in a position where you have to rely on a man. I could go to any city in my state and earn a decent living. I never took the board elsewhere.

LOL about my 'net' worth. Despite the cash flow problems since the fire (and skids - just kidding, somewhat), we look really good on paper. We have several wonderful properties that have a bit of equity in them if the real estate market turns around (and it will, just a matter of time) - one in my college town, our home by the beach, the beach rental, a lot in a quaint getting-to-be-upscale neighborhood, and our office bldg right off the intracoastal. Just that darned bank account and credit card debt that gets me down. Come on settlement!

BTW, ladies, keep your fingers crossed for us - 9/11 is our court date w/ the ins. co. It was supposed to be yesterday, but 2 y. 4 m. just wasn't enough time for them Zurich Ins.) to be prepared, so they got an extension. If we are reimbursed, I'm hoping to be able to get some financial freedom again! Wonder if that will bring the Prodical Son back again???

And, Southern, I caught a little crack here and there in response to your plans for the wedding weekend and I hope you go on a major shopping spree somewhere nice. When you work as hard as you have, YOU are entitled to it, unlike my skids, lol. I mean, *should* I ever be well off again, I won't be apologizing for the size of my house, my vacations, my luxuries, etc. I got out of residency at 28 yr. old, so I know you put in even more time. My life was completely devoted to school, studying, and practicing tennis - which paid for my undergrad. It's called "DEFERRED GRATIFICATION" people, so don't act like we're snobby little rich girls, heirs to old money, lol.

Someone else was also an MD - it began w/ an 'L' on her screen name?

D

As a professional woman who has also been a SAHM, I can assure you that I have NEVER discussed how to get formula stains out. Virtually all the women I knew, whether working or at home, breastfed their babies (and breast milk does not usually stain badly, btw). My last playgroup of 5 women and their babies included four women who had held high level positions in software. If one were to go to a meeting of physicians around here, a goodly proportion of them would be female, and it is likely that most of the rest would be married to women with graduate degrees.

I have two graduate degrees, including one in biology, and worked in a male-dominated field much of my life. I have never felt out-of-place, and I have rarely seen women of my acquaintence not taken seriously.

Dana,

I do recall another physician on this space, but
I just don't remember her name.

I finished my residency when I was 31.
I am blonde, too, but since I'm a bottle blonde,
I am still allowed to laugh at blonde jokes. : )

Agree that it seemed like most of my time was spent
deferring gratification. Now that I'm here, I have SK who
feel more entitled to what I have than I do. Go figure.

I asked DH tonight if he had noticed the recent change in SS. He said yes, but hadn't made any connections. I do believe that it is because of my distancing, but also, he has had a several month relationship with a womam who has a 4 year old. I really like her, but have only met her once.
I did my best to make her feel welcome, but I don't think it's a love match. We never talked about it, but I think that she helped my SS to have some empathy for me.
Whatever the case, it's one down one to go. Who knows if SD will ever soften...she is a very high maintenance girl, and not someone that I would have been friends with in college, for instance....you know that sororiety with those girls that always make you feel like you have something on your tooth, or something. Anyway, I think detatchment is still the best way to go. At least there are no current sparks.

Dana, I know you will be thrilled when your court date is over. Is this an actual go before a judge thing, or is it just an arbitration? Either way, it will be good to be done with it. Good luck with that. I know it is a load on your mind.

Have a great week.

xoxoxox

Southern,

I'm no lawyer, but may pretend to be one when this is over, lol...but I believe the court has appointed an 'umpire' who is a retired judge, from what I gather. I believe he will make a recommendation that the ins. co. is supposed to NOT want to challenge by going forward into an actual trial. Our losses are nearing seven figures - though we figure we'd settle for MUCH less, obviously, just to get the cash flow coming again. I'm sure they bank on that logic, hence their attempts to draw it out further and further.

Our building is 8,000 s.f. We resided on part of the first floor - other parts of the first floor were the lobby, the lab, and storage. The fire was immediately contained w/ the sprinkler system that went off - all over the building, not just in the waiting room where the (SS's) saltwater aquarium was. The motor ignited for some reason. It was during a huge event here called the "Air and Sea Show." We were living in our office on the ground floor and our office was located very close to the main stretch where the show took place, though it was viewable for miles up and down the beach. Anyway, I had been very depressed as I had lost my g-father 2wk 2days earlier, and two days earlier, my oldest found one of our cats who had quietly passed on - I thought he was sleeping on a bookshelf. Anyway, the house we had been building for years was getting closer to completion, DH thought it would cheer me up a bit to see its progress, so we drove over to watch from that location (less than two mi. away), so we weren't that close to the office/temp. home. Due to the crowds, the fire dept. couldn't get through, so we lost ALL of our personal possessions (not covered) to water damage.

Our office is on the second floor - sustained less damage, but still lost lots of supplies, computers (we were in the early stages of setting them up, so we didn't lose all our records), the carpet, all baseboards, crown molding, some equipment, etc. The water just was pouring out of the building as we pulled up - quite a sight. We lost all patient records that were being stored on the ground floor (we didn't live in the entire 4,000 s. f. available there - as I said earlier, we thought we'd only be living there a year, tops, but our crooked contractor was the worst - ended up being 5 yrs. to build the dream house.)

I've lost two tenants for 4,000 s.f. of prime office space in an upscale neighborhood. We need to replace every bit of drywall on the ground floor - should do the upstairs, probably, too. The downstairs has all the drywall cut away to prevent mold (but I still see some starting around the floor-wall junctions.) We had business interruption insurance and haven't seen a dime for the week or two we were out, or for the lackluster past two years as business has been slower than our usual history. Many new patients aren't comfortable in the office - turn around after seeing the lobby. The clean-up crew put black "X's" all over the walls to indicate the saturation level of the water in the insulation. There are lights on the exterior at the entrance that were removed, wires hanging, etc. One of my patients (I consider a friend - like many of the faithful followers I treat) said, "You've got to post an update. The building looks abandoned! I know it's hurting business for you." I did, and I was amazed at how many newer patients had no idea we had had this disaster take place. I laugh, "Did you think I was just letting the place go?" LOL.

The ins. co. basically forbid us to repair anything before we settle, 'in case' they need to witness it in its current condition. Like the 2 years + isn't enough time to witness it! We had to recently fix the elevator as the city shut it down. Someone complained (probably w/ good reason) and we had to make some repairs. I guess the water had rusted something in the base (I don't pretend an elevator repair man, lol) and it was about $7,000 to fix...that hurt at this cash-starved juncture!

Anyway, keep your fingers crossed that they offer us something decent, not the pennies on the dollar I fear...

D

Thank God you had business interruption insurance.
I had that for a while, but dropped it after I
established a cash flow. I think it kicks in after 3 months, and I couldn't think of anything that would interrupt things for more than 3 months. I guess you have taken the lab course on that one.

Also, thank God that you have billing records, but too bad about medical records. We have started storing old records on a web site, but our recent records are all paper.

You should seriously be a speaker for professional organizations regarding adequate insurance. I'm so glad you were prepared. There are better days ahead, and so glad no one was hurt.

I have never purchased my own building. I am in rented office space from the hospital, which is convenient, but expensive. Every time I think about doing it, I see that 15 year mortgage, and I start thinking about not knowing where medicine is going, and I start getting hives, and keep renting.

I think that you will get a reasonable offer--there's no reason to keep this going any longer. Also, their incentive is to get your business going again, if they are paying business interruption payments.

I am a professionl woman and supervise several individual at my place of employment. I have a college degree and have worked very hard to advance myself up the corporate ladder oven the years. I prefer not to reveal my title or the specific type of employment I am involved in, but, I will say it involves special need children of all ages with various levels of abilities. I work with parents and agencies that involve many types of individuals (professionals, middle income individuals and low income individuals). I have seen just about every type of situation you can think of, however, for me the most difficult thing I have encountered is in my personal life with my SC. Go figure.

It is GREAT to have many other stepmothers and stepchildren to ask for advise. Thanks to all of you for the support and advise you have offered. It is truely a blessing.

Hi,

I am a professional woman with a bachelor's degree and numerous professional designations specific to my business.

I own my own company now, after many years of working for large corporations. I work with numerous large corporations (clients) and have several employees that I need to direct daily.

Even though I grew a very thick skin 25 years ago when I started in my business (necessary to survive), I was totally unprepared for my oldest SD. I went into my marriage with an open heart and an open mind. I wanted a good relationship and made extraordinary efforts to have one.

The youngest SD reciprocated. The oldest has not. I've disengaged from the oldest (when I found this forum). I don't have the energy to deal with negative situations with her anymore. And there have been many.

I'm grateful to have found this forum and I thank everyone who brought up the concept of disengaging. I've done it with respect to the oldest SD and I have a new and happier perspective on my personal life.

It is great to find professional step mom's to talk to, I'm also in an extremely male dominated field and with my current position, find myself the only female in the office and about 20 years younger than my co-workers. So its nice to converse with people I can actually relate to!

Southern: We've yet to see any business interruption payments. All they have covered was the emergency water extraction/cutting away of drywall to prevent mold/basic clean-up. They offered us $57,000 a few days after the fire. I brought my contractor (the second one, less crooked, lol) who was finishing our house over to take a peek and he laughed at the price. Not being in the field, though knowing more than I did before building my own home, I thought it wouldn't fly. His ball park estimate to get things to where they were was several hundred thousand $, and that was 2+ years ago, so I shudder to think of the latest numbers.

Ladies: I'm laughing a bit to myself as it seems as though we've all persevered through life's obstacles, but for as book smart as we must be, can't seem to figure out the SC relationships! I guess the only proven method to cope is DISENGAGING!

Dana

So true.