I usually give gifts with the receipt in the box. Like someone else said, I don't want to waste my money giving a gift the receiver doesn't like or can't use. I want THEM to be happy so if I guessed wrong, let them get something they like. Natal: I loved your thought. We have a green pyrex mixing bowl we always use on holidays because it was my MIL's. It's like she's enjoying the holiday with us. Oh, and my DIL's mother just buys stuff at the outlet, then figures out who to give it to later. Mostly clothes, so size is optional. Dee

Thank you all for your posts.I'll try to answer all your questions. "if this were your biological son who abused your step daughter, how would you handle the situation??" I would do everything in my power to help him and make any sacrifices that were required of me. But the problem is that my husband is not willing to ignore the rest of his children and focus on helping him.He has alot of anger towards him because of what he did to his other siblings.He doesn't feel comfortable showing the girls affection because he doesn't want them to think he is trying to be sexual...One of the twin boys has also been really affected by the abuse and is really confused as to his "sexuality" he seems to thik he has to act feminine because of it.To top it off,my husband has never had a close relationship with the oldest at all.When his wife left and he was alone raising the 4 children he took on his moms role and was very abusive toeards everyone,including my husband.He blames his xwife and his mother for making him the monster he has become and he just doesn't want to spend the rest of his life dealing with his mental illness.HIs x wife left him because she couldn't she deal with him anymore.although he is too young to be diagnosed,i honestly believe that he is a manic deppressive like his mother.I can only imagine what he will be like a few years from now if he indeed is-because he has so many other issues along with that.The fact that the 2 women who raised him were both selfish,controlling,deceitful,cunning and verbally abusive doesn't do much for his personality either because this is exactly what he is like.I feel for him, i truly do..but i don't want to spend my life trying to undo such horrible parenting.I never would have gotten married had i known that i would have to neglect my own children to help fix this child in the first place.The fact that he also abused my daughter adds the fact that my daughter would probably resent me for the rest of my life for having put her abuser's needs ahead of hers and i don't think anyone would be willing to do that. "Don't you think he deserves a chance to heal and become the best he can be? Why throw the baby out with the bath water? His behavior is a loud cry for help. Someone needs to answer the call." I agree someone does need to answer that call,the problem is that the only person who is willing to take him in and raise him is the grandmother-who thinks he is just misunderstood and spoils him to death.She basically excuzes all his bad behaviors and tries to justify his cruelty to others by saying that he can't help it because of the way his mom raised him.So he is never held accountable-and he plays right into it and pulls on her heart strings every time he is in trouble so that she can bail him out.This little boy lies,steals,beats other kids up,runs out of the classroom in school,yells at the teachers,refuses to bath with soap,thros dirty toilet paper on the floor,breaks whatever he gets a hold of when he is angry,has full blown tantrums that last for hours,is direspectful to adults in general and cruel to animals and she says its normal because he is becoming a teenager...My husband can't stand his mother because of it so it makes co-parenting virtually impossible because she will ignore my husband and do whatever she wants with him.I know that she is not what he needs-but what am i suppose to do?Put everyone elses's needs on the backburner to try and make him the best he can be? Its not fair to the other kids-especially his that have had to live in his shadow all of their lives.Besides i am dealing with alot of guilt since i was spending so much time trying to "help" him,exhausted and streched to my limit-i wasn't emotionally available to the rest of the children when he was abusing them.Maybe if i hadn't been so tied up deling with him all day my daughter would have come to me sooner...or i would have picked up on signs that it was going on.Because thinking back,there were many signs-i was just too drained to put them all together. if you abandon the marriage now, no one will heal from the harm that has been done. I agree with that statement totally,I love my husband and my stepkids but i have stayed in this relationship mostly because i want these children to have some closure from the harm that has been done.I don't think i could live with myself knowing that i just ran away from this situation not to have to "deal" with it.Its important for all of us to get through this,it will teach them a valuable lesson in life.We shouldn't "run away" from things,we should confront them and find a way to overcome them... Are there other relatives around who will take on the responsibility of the SS ? Unfortunetely the only relative availableand willing is the grandmother. My husband would not be willing to move out and stay with him,he has a hard time going to the visits to see him and when he does he usually comes home feeling all mixed up.He says he has conflicted feelings,he loves him because he is his son,but he acts so much like his xwife and his mother-who he can't stand to even speak of,that he feels as if he is just just like them..I think they call it "transference" in other words he sees him and he sees "controlling,abusive,crazy mother and x wife" whom he chose to get out of his life when he realized that their toxic behaviors were making him "physically ill".This is his son-and he is just as toxic as they are.I think he struggles with the fact that he is so much like the two women who have caused im so much pain and misery in his life and nomatter what he does he is destined to have to deal with his toxic son for the rest of his life.Its just all really complicated...Right now i am just focusing on the kids i am raising and helping them heal from the trauma they suffered. There is no way i could focus on his oldest and remain sane.Its just too overwhelming.

Hi Guys Thank you for taking the time to reply to me and give me your honest advice. I apologise if I offended anyone for posting on the wrong board but in my desperation I found the closest to what I could and just posted my info. Anyway, thee advice you give is very similar to that of friends. I wanted some independent advice as people who are involved can often have clouded opinions (me included) but it certainly gives me some comfort to hear that I should trust in what I believe is right for me. I have been made to feel stupid and second guess what I feel and been made to feel guilty for not agreeing to my family's wishes so it certainly helps to hear that you guys would go with your heart and gut feeling too. It received a call from my mum on chistmas eve telling me she will never be part of my life as long as my boyfriend is as she can't stand knowing that when she sees me I will be going back home to him. And this meant I wasn't with my family on Christmas Day which hurt so much. I guess if anything it made me think they are more passionate about sticking to their opinions than having me in their life which is really sad .

aww I'm sorry your contractor is an a$$. I agree with others to a) have a lawyer look over your contract, and b) stand your ground - HE works for YOU - you're the employer - and as long as you let him push you around, he will. Our GC has been pretty good but when times like these came up (charges we didn't feel we were responsible for) we spoke up immediately - and he backed down. On another note, I don't really understand why any electrician can't do a job because there's a ceiling in place. Electricians do wiring with all the walls up all the time - it's just cutting holes in the plaster (for the lights) and fishing wires. Since the walls are down, it's all the more easier. It's not AS easy as if the ceiling was down, but it's not a dealbreaker by any means. (My DH did the wiring for our entire house during this reno - just yesterday he was fishing wire from the basement to the foyer b/c the alarm company forgot to run one for the siren - duh.) Anyway if this electrician is your GC's guy, then tell GC to either find another one or to tell this guy to stop being lazy. I'd request a meeting between you and the electrician and the GC to have them explain to you why taking down the ceiling is necessary. Because based on what you've told us (no crazy weird wiring going on) I don't get why he can't do it.