What does SD need a phone for other than emergencies? I am assuming she is at BM's home alone when BM goes to work, is that right?

There is a phone you can get and program in only the numbers you want your child to have access to, they cannot call out other numbers but I can't remember what the name of it is. Yes I think you should stick to the rules otherwise SD knows any withdawal of priviledges doesn't mean anything at moms. However, you can't control what BM does or doesn't do.

It's too bad but bottom line you are paying the bill, a cell phone for a teenager is a priviledge, not a right. Were it my son (and trust me I've done it) I would take the phone away completely until the grades improve. I'm sure if BM is concerned for her safety when she is at her house she will provide a phone for her..

Keep in mind my suggestions come from the meanest mom in the world according to my son, who STILL 6 yr.s later talks about how mean I was when I sold his car after his second speeding ticket at 16 and made him ride the schoolbus (Oh Horrors) to high school his Jr. yr. Oh well-ya don't follow the rules you lose the fun stuff..

Good luck, I totally understand your frustration, I wonder what changed BM's thoughts on backing up this punishment and why she feels it's pointless. Are you able to convo with her about it directly? A point you can use is many scholarships and admissions to the finer colleges are based on her GPA, now is not the time to slack off.

http://www.ubergizmo.com/15/archives/2005/12/lg_mingo_cellph.html

The Migo, it's on verizon, but I don't think I saw them in the store when we reupped recently. THere are tons of them on Ebay and they have 4 numbers plus a 911 button for emergency..I Like the concept for sure!

I'm sure other cell carriers must offer similar things.

Try this: http://www.fireflymobile.com/

Same Co that made the Migo, they now have 4 other models for kids/tweens all with parental controls. Man, I love Google!!

I think sd is bored sitting at bm's alone all day and wants to call friends, which is not unusual. But she is at bm's home and bm should be responsible for the cost of things when sd is at her home for visitation--not you and dh!

If it were me I would not send the cell phone to bm's next time. I would tell sd and bm that you and dh had rules with the phone they both knew about, they were broken at bm's home, so now the cell does not go to bm's home.

BM can provide her cell for sd from now on since it is stupid not to be able to call friends during the day!

I would also have dh tell bm that undermining his rules and talking negatively about them will not help them have a good parenting relationship.

I think a house with a child in it should have a landline.

Have I mentioned lately how much I hate the phone!!!!

Your issue isn't with SD using the phone I am guessing ... its mom decision to ignore your rules for SD... with the "dumb and pointless" statement...

If she is like my skids BM you're better off talking to a brick might get a better response ... she's all chummy when she is getting her way but cross her once and its holy hell again.

You probably want her to have the phone at mom's in case of emergency ... so "take it away" at your house tell her why and let it go for the summer ... mom is trying to play hero again to her daughter.

It's irresponsible for the BM to have a child in a house with no landline. She's only getting away with it because you provide a cellphone for SD. How would she reach her own child if you hadn't provided the phone?

We had a bit of an issue with the older SD and the phone bills. The solution that we used was to buy phone cards rather than pay a monthly fee. That keeps the costs under control (she's at college now) and she is careful about her use.

I agree with KKNY adn Stepof3- Mom needs a landline. Don't the courts require working phones so parents can contact children at the other household?

I think it is a safety issue. Where I live you can get a landline pretty cheap (no long distance etc.). I would not to leave a child under 18 in a house all day without a landline. I dont want to hear how cells have just as good 911 service. What if someone forgets to charge it?

Doodle and kkny I agree you "should have" a landline... with young children ... but ...

If my SD tells one more person I "NEVER" let her call her mother ... I will have the phone shut off the next day and she will "never" call her mother again from a landline!!!! Her mother can provide a phone for her to be on the phone 14 hours a day.

I'm also agreeing Mom needs a landline, we pay 21.00 a month for a landline that we use only for fax. THat is cheap.

I'd have DH tell BM what Mom2emall said and also that he is sure that the court would insist on a landline for safety reasons and to please let him know when it's installed and what the number is. For safety reasons she should have a phone installed.

To all of you that said mom should have a land line - THANK YOU. This just seems like such a no brainer to us. We have gone rounds about this already to no avail. It's already been an issue because now SD can only call us when she asks to use mom's cell, so she's only given it when things are good at home. If she wants to call because she's upset, she isn't given the phone. Mom then got mad when SD got the cell because she could use it to call us when mad at mom, so mom wanted the cell to stay at our house. This was before SD was allowed to stay at home alone. We just replied that until there is a phone with a little more unrestricted use (not like Pseudo unrestricted!) then she will be bringing the phone with her. But now that's she's alone all day and bored like Mom2 said, not only should she have the phone with her but be able to use 'our' minutes while at mom's house - against our stipulation on social phone use.

Sometimes it is amazing how logic can be changed to suit one's current need.