(evil giggle) since a landline is $20? a month ... tell mom the phone man is coming next week to install a landline for daughter at her home ... put all the blocks on it you can ... :) to limit the bill and have it sent to mom's house...take it put of SD's babysitting money (doesn't she babysit for mom alot??)

didn't you get the insurance last time?? I can't remember,

I would not replace it. She isn't learning to be responsible if you replace it every time. A cell phone is a luxury, not a necessity. I am pretty sure we all (or at least most of us) grew up without one. I would let mom replace it if she wants her to have a phone or have SD save up to replace it herself.

If mom is damaging it on purpose, then I feel for SD, but it's not fair to you and DH to have to keep replacing phones that she is being careless with. If her mom is doing this behind her back, she needs to keep better tabs on her phone. If she knows her mom is doing this, then she needs to convince her mom not to because she is the one that won't have a phone anymore. They have been counting on it getting replaced each time and there is no consequence to destroying the phones.

Another option, if you really feel she NEEDS to have a phone, I'd go on ebay and buy an old phone that has no camera and no bells/whistles. She'll have a phone that 'works'. I have an old nokia I can send ya for free. lol.

My son lost his phone twice and I made him buy the third one himself. He hasn't lost the one he bought. He's a lot more careful when he knows he will have to pay for it.

Do not replace the phone. After the first replacement phone I would have made sd earn the next one. After that one I would have told her to do without one!

If you want her to have a cell then I would make her earn her next phone. Then I would only let her take the phone with her when you will need to get a hold of her (like when she will be staying afterschool for activities or coming home without you and dh being there).

The rest of the time the cell phone should be given to you and dh to hold onto. Since so many phones have gotton lost/destroyed at bm's home I would tell bm that she will need to provide a phone for use at her home.

Why does sd "need" to call you and dh when she is at her moms? And if she needs to call you while she is there bm should let her use her phone. If she is not allowed to use bm's phone to call you when she is there I would enforce the same rule at your home regarding sd calling bm.

In the interests of clarity, let's be blunt here --

- Do you think BioMom is deliberately destroying SD's cell phones? And if so, would she go so far as to "search and destroy"? Or is merely a casual "destroyer of opportunity"?
- Or do you think SD is being 'extra careless' with them? Perhaps half-deliberately 'Oopsing' them into oblivion?

Because the appropriate course of action would depend on the answers to those questions.

There's also a legitimate safety concern if SD is left alone at BioMom's house with NO phone of any kind.

Good question, Sweeby. One I've mulled over a bit. I believe it is oportunistic, but that oportunities seems be more searched out after there has been an argument regarding the phone. I believe that if SD didn't have her phone out and available - so in her bag where we tell her it is to be at all times unles she is on it - there would be a lot less oportunity and definately fault her for that. I don't believe it's deliberate on her part at all - she loves having a phone. She also has put 2 and 2 together with regard to where all the phones go missing and has asked if we think BM/SF have something to do with it. She knows they don't like her to have the phone to call us on when she is there. We've told her mom if she had a land line we would have SD leave it here, but that until she does it goes with SD. We can't trust BM to leave her phone there, and she won't always let SD call us on it any way. It has to be when they are having a lovely family moment - if SD is upset and wants to call home she's not given the phone. It's a way to control what we hear about that goes on at BM's house.
To answer why she 'has' to call - she calls pretty much every day, at least once a day when she is gone. She often isn't having the best time while at moms and I think she just likes to feel connected to us. She's also home with SF while mom is working a couple nights and those are usually not much fun.

We made SD earn money to pay for the 3rd phone in hopes it would help with the responsibility. Apparently this time BM was letting the 18 month old play with it even though SD asked her to take it away - she was told to 'let it go' as the baby would cry. Now it's missing. Hmmm. But, it is still true that if it had been put away it wouldn't have been an issue.

She is not allowed to use it for social calls - it is mearly for walking to/from school, outings with friends and while at her moms due to the lack of land line. She can not text. We've talked to BM about having a land line time and time again, but no use. She doesn't see/care that not only is it not safe, it's just a pain for SD who is left alone for 9 hours while mom is working and can't call any friends or anything . . . . unless she used her cell phone and we paid the minutes because her mom won't pay for the land line.

Such drama.