God, Dana. I wouldn't put up with it. Have you thought about just packing up a suitcase and telling hubby to give you a call when the kids are gone. If that's to much then maybe just calling it quits. I am not one for divorce but it doesn't look like your going to get anywhere with him. Tell him if he wants more guest's he can either pay to put him in a hotel or you in a 5 star hotel for the rest of the week!

You need a vacation, so this would be a good time to just get away! Maybe hubby would realize what life would be like without you for the week you would be gone. "Here's a taste of your own medicine! You want them, you got them!"

Oh Angel, yes, I've thought about taking off. Trouble is, I wouldn't do it to my sons and if I took them, it would just be one raging party in MY house, lol.

We are hoping and praying that w/in a few weeks, we get some word on when the ins. co. will have to pay for our damages from the fire, over two yrs. ago. Til then, we're living in a high state of stress, financially. The only ones w/ any $ in the bank seem to be the freeloaders here and DH and I are completely broke.

Unfortunately, the marriage counselor is on vacation, so I can't even cry to her or plead my case in front of her as I am quite sure she'd tell my husband that enough is enough.

I honestly wonder if I can bear this arrangement, w/ yet another one, for a few more days, or if I'm just kidding myself and these bloodsuckers will never be out of my hair, my kitchen, my home, and my pocket. I've never quite been as hostile as I am at the moment. If we had any sort of cushion w/ the money situation, it would be easier to roll w/ yet another inconvenience. But to be told, in April when SD living w/ us and I had the big fight, that she had ~$5K in a retirement account, from only working a few months and not paying one bill, I'm just bitter and resentful as we have exactly $0 in any accounts at the moment.

And, for our 10th anniversary, I arranged for us to go to Atlantis a few weeks ago. So, that was an overpriced vacation and I wish I'd never done it - could have used that $ today for bear necessities. But, our 10th was in April, I paid for this in March thinking the ins. would have paid by now (thought the 2 yr. anniversary was the statute of limitations, but it was the deadline for us to file suit, which we were forced to do). Anyway, after being bumped from our flight w/ no explanation, I had to purchase 5 last min. tix to the Bahamas. Ended up losing the entire day (were to leave at 8 am, left at 5 pm from another, more distant airport). Instead of the jet I paid for, I used the last of my credit card credits (2 different cards) to get us there on the most harrowing of flights ever. So, lost the whole day. Day 2 was OK, but DH got food poisoning that night. Next day, took the 3 little boys snorkeling, ended up pulling a cardiac arrest victim out of the water - no pulse and a bunch of Bahamian lifeguards stood and watched me, shell-shocked. The other Dr. w/ me, also a tourist, left me when we couldn't get a pulse on the man. The victim's wife draped herself over me, being the only female and the only Caucasian. I started CPR to the horror of my little sons watching this "purple man, foaming at the mouth, not breathing" when a lifeguard snapped out of it and said, "Ma'am, I have a bag!" I yelled, "Then GET IT. Do you have a defibrillator? He has no pulse!" "Yes, Ma'am, we have one." And, they all got it together and I was able to be a tourist again. Man, was I shaken, though. First the freaky flight (a 16 seater, looked archaic, terrified my oldest and youngest) then my kids watch me in this horrific scene.

So, yes Angel, I'm in need of a vacation from my vacation, lol. I'm still fighting w/ Spirit for the flight junk they pulled. They told my travel agent I canceled my reservations at 11:39, 3.5 hrs. after takeoff. Right! Then they told him the next day (we spoke daily as I refused to put my kids on that same plane again!) that I arrived too late to board. Another lie. I'm so disgusted w/ every aspect of life these days...

Dana

Is your husband testing you or does he really see nothing wrong with this situation? It almost sounds like he's trying to push your buttons. Or am I wrong?

Vista ... stop being so damn nice... do not clean up after them you are not the maid... Why would they entertain at their house ... you are not going to clean up after them if its at their house. Are they paying the rent for the month they are at your house?

Time to go into b**** mode... they will walk all over you as long as you let them ... become a b**** sit on your couch make dinner for you and your boys let hubby and the kids fend for themselves ... YOU CAN DO IT. You hate living this way so don't if you don't stand up for yourself and your 3 boys no one else will.

Let the house become a disaster area ... if you keep cleaning it they will keep coming back. feed your boys kid food only buy kid food ... suck it up eat kid food do not make extra, have picnic lunches in the living room. Clean the house once after they are gone instead of many times per day, don't do it until they "leave".

Hide the rest of the rolls of toilet paper in your room, keep a half roll under the sink let the boys know where it is... if they need more to holler for you ... be at their beck and call not for ungrateful people. If your guests come over say their isn't any paper.

Treat them the way the airline treated you. Can you stay at your mothers? or at the office? Stand up for yourself and your boys or get out and let them fend for themselves ...

How long are you going to put up with it? august? october? december? when are you going to say enough if enough? I'd say enough was enough 3 months ago when you first came here looking for advice don't you?

Vista...stop being so damn nice and start thinking about yourself. You will go nuts if you don't get out of there for awhile.

The best thing i did last spring when I couldn't stand DH and his oldest daughter is get away for 8 whole days. I never called home. During that time, i read the book ''Dance of Anger'' and it helped me get back on my feet emotionally, etc.

Do you think you can go away a few days just by yourself?

Keep posting.

Have to add this one...

If something happens to you because of all the stress you are under ... would they lend you a hand taking care of the boys? Or would your 75 year old mother be looking after 3 boys, the house, and all of the guests?

Get them out of there... even if you have to toss hubby with them... they wouldn't do it for you!!!!

I'm going to have to agree Vista -- You are ALLOWING them to treat you like a doormat and it's more than time to stop.

Call a family meeting and announce that you are taking a few days off. Straight-off TELL THEM (hubby and all kids over age 16) that you are out of money, out of patience, and almost out of your mind. Explain that because you have no money, you will not be leaving the house, but that you are "Officially Off Duty." You'll be reading books, relaxing by the beach, window shopping -- but NOT cooking, cleaning or entertaining. "Off Duty"

Next order of business -- It's time you had a short but brutally honest heart-to-heart with the adult kids about money. They have heard dribbles and drabs, but odds are, they don't understand quite how dire things are for you at this moment because you have been shielding them. Tell them that the fire and the house-building fiasco took all of your reserves, and that feeding and housing extra people for several months have fully used up your day-to-day incomes and that you're flat-out out of money. Tell them it would mean a lot to you if they would consider making a financial contribution for their room and board because you're tapped out.

Then leave the room, go on your own vacation, and have that good cry you probably desparately need...

Friends,

Thank you. Yes, I've had it up to here (hand way above my head!)

They are paying rent for July and, husband just told me, have improved the property w/ the painting (still going on, guess they're using a nailpolich brush to do it??) new bathroom sinks and toilets from their mom's workplace (a european bathroom place) so I'm thrilled about that. However, it's the tenth and I need to have my life and my house back. Told my husband today that I needed to have a chat w/ everyone this evening. Guess the adult kids will be out late and try to miss it. I don't know where to turn but I liked your suggestions a whole bunch!

This morning, the one who lived/s here was on her way to work when I used the intercom to call for middle son, still asleep as he had to get up for baseball camp. After I said, "I need the receipts for anything you've done to the house." She said her sister had them and I said, "Should I call her?" She said that she was asleep upstairs. I said, "They're still sleeping HERE?" all shocked, knowing the answer, etc. Anyway, I said that I hoped I just didn't wake them up w/ the intercom...but there's no time for me to run upstairs while making breakfast for the other boys, etc.

When I see the others I'm going to suggest they begin packing up the SD's things here and borrowing my van as I won't be needing it. Maybe we can 'surprise' her and have all the dirty work done by the time she comes home from work...

Final straw - a 'present' from one of THEIR dogs on my throw rug. Before anyone asks how I know it wasn't my dogs - size and the fact that my dogs were gated off in part of the house. They probably had their dogs out while I was out, then put them back in the room where they still are. They wouldn't let my dogs out - the puppy isn't fully housebroken and the golden chews when not supervised!

Dana, the broken record

Do not make excuses to them ... if they were not there you would have used the intercom.... act as if they are not there go about your daily routine stop accomodating them.

I would have blasted music on the intercom system myself. I love sweeby's idea taking a vacation..... off duty...

Ask who is paying for the dry cleaning of the rug since you are broke. Final straw? did you put the rug in their room or wake them up to clean it?

Let them know Daddy is broke and you won't be spending any of your money to support them ... and if the rent isn't paid when its due no matter how much they redecorate & who is paying for that?

It seems to me that a major problem is that your H is not fully participating in the household. If he did 50% of the cleaning and cooking and putting the kids to bed/getting them up and dressed, I suspect you'd be a lot less stressed.

The kids are doing it because they can, the husband is allowing it because he wants to be the good guy. There is no control in your home. I wouldn't leave, I would see a lawyer to be sure I am protected then tell your husband it's got to stop or you will file. You have to draw the line or it will never end.

Amen to everything ladies! Had it out w/ H tonight. Told him that while he was paying for three adults' cars to the tune of $1150/mo, he bounced our mtg. check. Yes, it's in my name. I said, "You want to be a big shot to those ADULTS? Go ahead - but you're doing it w/o me. I've stayed WAY too long in this little arrangement and the one time I asked you to pay the mtg, it bounced?"

Lots of excuses - we were out of town, blah, blah, blah. Fact is that we are BROKE at the moment. Yes, the ins. could pay tomorrow and we'd be fine, but it may drag this out til the day we finally get a date for court. You know how ins. companies and attorneys are - it's all a game. So, for now, things are TIGHT!

BTW, yesterday after the boys' baseball camp, H took them to Toys 'R Us! I was stunned. First of all, they just had their big party a month ago. The middle one's b-day JUST passed, and I thought we agreed to no more little impulse shopping sprees (whether we have $ or not as it's sending the WRONG message.) I flipped when I saw the huge display of little model planes he splurged on for them. OK, so HE likes planes, etc. Fine, then save it for a real occasion. I was angry, but pleased to see that he just can't parent anyone - our kids, his kids, etc...

Anyway, SD is packing as we speak. Told him if he didn't have a chat w/ the trio, I would, and it would more likely be unpleasant if I did it...

Now, I'm pushing (per the counselor! YEAH!) to get their cars in their names, their cell phones off of our bill, and finally cut these apron strings.

Thanks for giving me your support!

And, TOS, the counselor also has asked him to help w/ everything you mentioned! So, he's taking one child while I put the other two to bed. Before he settles down to watch ESPN, he's doing a few little things previously designated to me...Had to ask him if it was too much for him and he was trying to get me to pack up and leave, lol.
I said, "Now that you have to pitch in or look bad to the therapist, you tell me another, a FOURTH, is coming to stay w/ us? Sorry, I'm tapped out in every sense of the word, but someone suggested this latest guest was designed to get me to finally run away. Well, if I had $50, I'd go to a hotel, but don't have it, so you guys need to come up w/ Plan B!"

Dana