Good for you! Do not allow yourself to feel guilty for one second. You did the right thing and you have bent over backward. If DH feels the need to make you look like the bad guy because of his own weakness, so be it. You drew boundaries for your own life, and stuck to them. You have every right to do that. You have small children who will be going back to school soon and need a schedule and you cannot have grown adults interrupting your house at all hours. I hope you have some much needed peace this weekend.

Great, it's better to put a stop to things that bother you now... than waiting years. It is hard to repair the relationship between husband and wife it goes on to long.

Thanks! So much for peace this weekend, however. The gang came over this afternoon to swim and hang out. It was fine. I was on my way to church shortly after they arrived (had to serve) and they remained til after I was home for about an hour. Got to meet the 'friend' and spend time w/ the other SD and her bf again. Had no dinner plans but the skids were headed out for Sushi (I don't even eat cooked fish, lol, so sushi's out!) Tomorrow afternoon they'll be over again and I'll make a big dinner - but I'm keeping it easy like from Omaha Steaks! I can handle a large tenderloin and their premade stuffed potatoes w/ ease - just want to bake a little...

Anyway, I was happy to see that I was well-received by everyone, so I'm thinking that DH didn't make me out to be the bad guy but that the kids wanted their own space, finally????? Maybe I ought to thank the gentlemen....

D

OH DANA!!! I am so happy for you that things are on the right path for you. You know even if they are out of the house but still make it a point to come over every other day, this two will end up winding on your nerves too. Just be careful not to let them take even more advantage of your generosity then they already have.

No, do not thank your DH for not making you out to be the bad guy. It a marriage you should not have to thank him for something that should have been all along. A JOINT DECISION!!!

Angel,

I wanted to thank the gentlemen friends (boyfriend of younger SD and guy friend of the older one) if they were the reasons the girls finally wanted their own space!

I'm still somewhat at odds w/ my husband, but things are much better w/o the stress of so many other people and dogs under my roof. I'm still angry that I have to pay a person to tell my husbnad to stop operating independent of me, stop lying to me, etc, etc, etc...It should be common sense!

Thanks for the vote of confidence!

Dana

Dana,

Sometimes kids no matter what the age young or young adult need to hear it from their peers how immature they look or are acting before realizing that is exactly what their mothers and fathers having been saying. Just hope that someone finally told them that by staying at their mommy's and daddy's house they were only looking "dumb". I know I am only 25 and I can't believe people my age still live at home with their parents. WHY? Why would you want that, I mean come on I love having my own home and making my own decisions. I could never imagine going home to live.

DH and I are looking at buying a house of our own, we rent the home we are currently living in. Our lease is up in Dec. and we want a home of our own that we can paint and decorate without approving it with a landlord, which is almost as bad as approving things with a parent.

I really think, given time you and your DH will get back what you once had. At least close to it, he will eventually realize how badly he has acted, and you will eventually learn to let go some of the hurt and anger. Besides he's going to realize how much more quiet his house is without all that busyness of kids upon kids and dogs upon dogs! He'll eventually be counting the days when you have a house all to your own, that he can run around in just boxers or whatever he might where. What TV that doesn't involve cartoon's and other G rated movies. Just have the patients to realize he is a man, and they are a lot slower then women are. They tend to see what is directly in front of them at that exact moment, not what has happened and what will happen. It took my DH's mom and dad 18 years of marriage for my FIL to grow up, I only hope my DH doesn't follow in his footsteps LOL!

Good luck, take a hot bath, relax, let hubby watch the children, and pamper pamper pamper! Your long wait and patients have paid off up until now!

I hope he is not counting the days until Dana's and his kids are all grown - he'll be close to 80 by then! I wouldn't want to wish away my kids' childhood. They are growing up too fast as it is.

Angel,

He is far more comfortable w/o my SD around. I can see that. We were fine last night when we had the whole bunch over, but it was GREAT to finally feel at ease and settle down w/o the banging of another adult coming and going all about. I just like not having to worry about early rising boys waking her up and the fact that if I want to walk around in a nightgown, I'm not self-conscious about it.

I think he does realize that he committed a major blunder by the way he handled things in this situation. He is working on the things the therapist has suggested, so I can't ask for more than that at this stage. If the ins. settles, we'll have an enormous amount of relief financially which WILL help the marriage. (The son's car sitting in my driveway won't quite stab me in the heart if I DO have money to pay the mtg!)

Again, I'm not saying that he should have turned SD down flatly about moving in, but I think somewhere, the three of us needed to sit down and speak about expectations if it was going to be a prolonged stay (over a couple of months.) And, I think it stinks that the biomom was able to just come by and visit while her life went on as usual. I really think she should have housed the girl for several months, then us for a few months. After all, the biomom lives in town alone and doesn't have three little ones at home to worry about. When SD was as young as the boys are, she didn't have another adult taxing her dad's time, money, and efforts at every turn.

That being said, I have high hopes for the independence of my SDs. I've seen some maturity lately and I only hope DH can stick to his guns and carry out the unpleasant task of giving the girls their independence. I wait for the month when THREE extra car payments are made by those driving the cars...

TOS:
I told my boys they aren't allowed to grow up and ever move out. I know, the double standard for the skids...more the fact that we'll need the boys around when we get a little older (I'm more physically impaired from a head-on collision years ago than DH who's much older as you know), and when they return from college, there better not be three younsters living here, too! We both enjoy these years immensely. We don't do a lot of summer camps as we just like hanging out w/ the kids mostly, swimming, going to the beach, etc. Last week they did baseball camp and we went on our lunch hours to watch them. It was 95 out and the humidity was a killer! But, we sat there in scrubs and ate lunch under a tree. It was fun and the boys loved it!

We really don't have issues w/ my husband's age. I nearly married a guy my age before I met my husband. While much younger, the guy had little life in him. On paper, it was almost a perfect match: he was one year older than me, never been married, no children, independently wealthy - what more could a girl want, lol? Well, we'd go to a football game and he'd complain about the heat, go to Orlando and he wouldn't want to go to any of the amusement parks or do much of anything except walk through malls! Maybe he's some women's dream come true, but I like a man who likes life and likes to do stuff instead of just watch it. My husband is really full of life on many levels - we love sports, the water, etc. He has been trying to follow through w/ the therapist's suggestions as I've noticed a huge turnaround in the nighttime routine and the weekend duties (previously all mine.) I think he knows he was being lazy and not helping out. So, I can't throw in the towel just yet on the 'old timer' - his b-day is Wed! I asked how he wanted to celebrate and our oldest said, "I know what dad wants so I'm going to give him a big kiss!" DH said, "That's all I could ask for - and maybe I'll get one from Mommy, too." I had to melt a little as I know I've been cold w/ all the anger and resentment. So, guess I better go give him a kiss as an early b-day gift on this quiet night since he bathed the boys and started to put them to sleep...

D

vista..curious as to ya'lls age difference? I didn't know we had that in common. I am 32 and DH is 51 (although to look at him, people never believe that!), so I was just wondering what your spread is.

It's funny how men can do such small things to give a women the chills. They don't realize how just a small thing can go a long way. DH is now learning (after only 2 years) that things like rubbing my feet at night means the world to me. He realizes though I am a SAHM that I do work hard, and being almost 7 months pregnant and having a very active 3 year old is a full-time job in it's own.

Dana I am so glad that he is coming around, and I agree don't throw the towel in just yet, lol. Men tend to surprise women once they've been kicked in the butt a few times. I really hope things keep progressing!

Vista ... I told my boys they aren't allowed to grow up and ever move out. They are still young yet :). I used to tell my kids the same thing then the "teenage years hit" like a brick.

I am glad you have your house back but I hope you don't feel the need to entertain them every time they come over to visit or they will keep coming ... do it when you are up to it when you want to invite them do not let them invite themselves.

lafevm: Same age difference as you. I'm 43 and he's 62 today, but like your DH, he looks very good for his age. We married at your present ages or close to it. I'd just turned 33, he was a couple mos. shy of 52. It goes by in a blink...

Cawfe: I'm well aware of those teen years, lol. I entered into marriage when SKids were 12, 14, 16. The worst part was my SKids, who barely spoke to me back then, taking my car over and over again....My DNephews are 16, 17, and 19. I can handle most anything. We've had a few bumps in the road, but nothing, thankfully, earth-shattering thus far. I really do just adore these early childhood years. It's a lot of work and I have no free time, but it's an era of awe and wonder - and I'm still the hero. I never had the "you don't know anything" from my DNephews so far. But, the cease communication has been in full swing and it drives me nuts! It's like pulling teeth (no pun intended as I'm a dentist) to get these older two boys to open up. My youngest is still very much the same as he's always been - a happy go lucky type.

Angel: Take those foot massages! My Dh isn't one to pamper me much, but he does occasionally give me spa certificates. Just can't find the time to use them...I remember being pg w/ my third and he gave me a pedicure at a spa. I was self-conscious about someone at my feet, but it was heavenly!

LOL, I hate feet I personally think they are the ugliest part of a persons body. Trust me he does those things because I in turn spoil him rotten too. LOL he spoils me I spoil him, I know these things never last, but I hope it does for a few years!

TOS - I didn't say anyone wishing away there child's young years. But people do like their space when they become considered young at heart. I do not wish these years away as my son is only 3. But if I had to raise 6 or 7 kids, I would be glad to have my house to myself when they reached 18-21 depending on when they moved out. That's all I am saying!

One of my friends has a 19 year old daughter and two younger children (9 and 7). They are all her bio kids. We were talking one day about my 17 year old SD and she told me she was SO ready for her 19 year old to move out. She told me "I was starting to really dislike her". Her daughter moved out, and they get along great now. She still comes and "shops" from her mom's fridge and pantry, but it was time for her to move on, and her mom had every right to encourage it. So, SM's don't have the market cornered on wanting adult children out of the house. It happens in bio families too.

I agree lafevem! No way would I want a SC to move out in time and not expect the same of my own children.