FDH is going to have a talk to them. I copied and pasted some of your tips and comments for him because they are really good, so he can prepare his talk properly. I do think that PO1's comment to discuss feelings is good, but perhaps in our situation it might be better to make them think about how 'the team' feels when they are 2 'men' down, instead of how it makes us feel. Sweebie you are right, the point is to teach them to become responsible people. The way you explain it is really good, lots of copying and pasting there:-) About the coach of the team: I'm also amazed he has let it slide. They did change coaches halfway through the year, don't know if that made a difference. We kind of feel a bit embarrassed sitting on the sideline, knowing other people might think it's us that stuff these kids around. But hey, who cares right? We know the truth.. So here is the (annoying) update. The girls didn't come on Thursday, as they should have. BM sent a message to say they're not coming. We have also been down that road before. The kids know that they did the wrong thing, they don't want to face up to it, so staying with BM is easier. Not a real surprise. SD13 had a guitar lesson that night, which she missed because she didn't come to our house and BM was never going to take her (it's FDH's thing and he pays for it). Isn't it ironic, like really?? Here we are, again, with SD13 skipping a lesson that was paid for, for no good reason or without even telling FDH herself. Let mummie send him a message.. Aaaarrrggghhhh... So here's the plan. FDH will tell the girls once we see them that this is going to stop. This is not how we treat each other. So when the girls have a game, they'll need to confirm on the day that they're going. Otherwise we assume they're not. With the guitar lessons; SD13 gets one more chance. If she cancels one more time for no good reason, that's it. No more guitar. We will not pay for lessons that are going to be cancelled at the drop of a hat. Unbelievable :-(

Proverbs 16:18-19 tells us that "pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall. Better to be lowly in spirit and among the oppressed than to share plunder with the proud." Easter as celebrated by Christians is a conglomeration of Pagan rituals/spring celebrations. Even the name "Easter" comes from the Scandinavian "Ostra" and the Teutonic "Ostern" or "Eastre". They are both Goddesses of mythology signifying spring and fertility whose festival was celebrated on the day of the vernal equinox. Religion is a man-made invention that often has nothing to do with God or Godliness. People may consider themselves Christian and go to church to celebrate Christ as being risen... but for those who are skeptical about the Christian timeline (ahem) they may be open minded enough to go to church over Easter and take joy in the celebration of renewal, of life, of Spring knowing that is the original meaning behind the celebration. At least, if I had to go to church with someone for Easter, I would take a page from your book, Ulrike, and look to the historical significance of the holiday and take pleasure from that instead of balking simply because I do not believe Christ is risen. Or, the Christians could admit they piggy-backed on the holidays of the Pagans and Jews and utilize items that are symbolical for Pagans and have nothing to do with Jesus(the incredibly randy rabbit and the red eggs) and start calling their holiday "resurrection Sunday" or something of the sort. Kind of hard to get young children to want to be Christians without all the jingle bells and whistles though...

My SM #3 is this way PO1. She has a good heart but it annoys me to no end. She publically takes all the credit for us skids and our achievements but married my dad after I was an adult and all but 2 of our children were already born. She has just met my brother and his wife and their kids this past year for the very first time... She's been married to my dad for almost 10 yrs and has never met my brothers fam or even talked on the phone. Mostly because my brother was estranged from our father.... Anyway-- on Facebook she writes to my niece and brother and SIL, I am so proud of you, I love you and miss you!! And then she has some crap about 'interests' watching my children and grandchildren grow. I hope to have great grandchildren one day. She has one adult son that is estranged from her bc he is a jerk and he has no children. So the grandchildren would be our children. I personally haven't seen her in quite a while none of us have but she acts like she saw us yesterday. She was signing her cards to us 'momma(insert name)' and we are all adults. My sister finally said, please stop. We don't mind the kids picking a nickname for you like Nana or grams but we aren't calling you Momma. We have a momma and we don't know you that well. People always write on her fb 'hope your kids and granbabies are well. And I just wonder if they are confused.

Keep copies of school records showing the son has residency with dad. He can petition the court on his own to modify the support order as well as the custody order. If he did that, would the BM run to scoop up her son & resume being CP? If she is busy & really can't take him back, she is stuck with it. The courts generally want a support order as both parents are obligated to support the child. Or as in CA, it says the child is entitled to be supported by both parents. Either way, BM may end up having to pay something. Dad can't "waive" child support but he can say he makes enough money to provide well for his child and that he does not need the money and putting mom under an order could cause undue hardship on her and that would adversely affect the parent-child relationship between mom & son... and it could affect her ability to afford frequent & continuing visitation, which he doesn't want to upset. He can make a case for not putting mom under an order if he wants to just remove HIS obligation while the child lives with him. At the same time, a court may be inclined to put in the order that dad has custody based on the living arrangements, if dad wants. When BM did the same thing.. moved away & told DH in an email that he can have custody. I, right away, drafted a judicial council form that is used for agreements in family law, stating that DH has custody & BM has visitation... specified the days/times as well as holidays. BM signed it, DH signed it. Legally, it meant nothing until it was submitted to the court & a Judge reviewed it & signed it. That happened a few months later. However it did not address the issue of child support. DH left the child support order alone for 9 long months where I worried that BM would drag him in to collect on 9 months worth of support and make DH look like a deadbeat when he was the one that actually had the child. So, he filed a modification... and poof, BM wanted custody back but after 9 months of SD living with us & the agreement she signed & had been converted to a court order by the Judge, she could not instantly ask for custody back without showing a significant change in circumstance, which is required in CA. Of course by then, it had gotten nasty between DH & BM so they were not in agreement on anything. The court then modified the support order & issued a judgment against BM & made sure it included wording to keep her from claiming any back support for periods when SD lived with us. If the son is going to live with dad, then I would suggest that he first address the issue of getting it in writing for legal purposes. He can say he needs it for medical care or school, which is true. If the school were to find out BM actually has custody... they might feel at risk of some sort of liability & have a problem with it. Once he has something in writing (notarized is good, submitted to the court is better), then he has a better leg to stand on when he asks to modify support... and less worry that mom will come back at him to take custody back. The courts do not want children being used as pawns or meal tickets. IF mom sends child to live with dad for whatever reasons, the court will assume that mom had good reason & felt dad was the appropriate place. If they suddenly want to change it during a support proceeding, it becomes suspect that mom is more concerned about the money than what is best for the child. In my DH's case, BM making accusations that I am abusing SD in her response to being served with support papers was as transparent as can be. The court was not very sympathetic with her at all. It's hard to say who the better parent would be. Raising kids is frustrating at times and yelling at kids or getting frustrated is not a reason to change custody... if it were I could say that I see kids every day that would be going to live with someone else. It is very sad to me that children are shuffled around because the parents want to do their own thing, want some convenience, have their own agendas. When you have children, the child becomes the main priority in life but I see that is not always the case. I would suggest parenting classes for the parents that are frustrated. I've found it helpful for myself. AS for your original concerns... why you feel this way? I think it may be because you really have no control over what is going on. You are on the outside looking in & dad tells you what he doesn't like about mom, then does the same thing. But him having his son is also going to change his schedule, his finances, his whole life which you are a part of and YOU have no control over it... or much say in the decisions, if any. That would be very hard to take for anyone. And they may not be raising their child the way you would if it were YOUR child. That is one thing I know is true in my situation & why I get frustrated when I'm expected to contribute (financially, emotionally, or physically) to the raising of a child that my input is very limited. (or even when I am allowed greater latitude with my input, it is disregarded by the child or her mother)