The grandparents couldn't be in two places at once, I'm sure they love your daughter but if I were in your situation I would have expected them to go to their biological grandchild's graduation, understood that they can't be in two places at once, and maybe had a dinner party that they could attend to celebrate your daughter's graduation.
I don't think it is fair to tell them that if they don't come to your daughter's graduation that they can't come to your son's, its not like they said they didn't want to go to your daughter's graduation or they made up some lame excuse- they had two invites on the same day and they had to choose one.

They don't live in the state we do & I doubt they would drive all this way just for a dinner party.
My husband and I don't treat our children any different. This was hurtful, and to not even get a phone call or explaination was the worst part.
During this time my father was in the hospital with a massive heart attack, also in that state. After graduation we went back to the hospital to visit my Dad and my daughter got to show him she graduated. He was proud of her and told her good job.
My father passed away 6 days later.
The whole thing just made us feel like outsiders in what I thought was part of our family.

I agree with ChristineNJ. Not to sound harsh but, I don't see a reason for them to explain. It sounds like you know why they did not come and it seams pretty reasonable. It was very nice of them to send a gift and since they asked when both the kids were graduating...it sounds like your daughter and you are very much a part of their family.

Think of it this way. What if this was your parents and they went to see their step-grandaughter's graduation over their own biological grandaughter's graduation?

And this is coming from a daughter that is/was not treated like part of my dad's "new" family.

Well I disagree, because she is a step child she's less of a person? My husband is her father in more ways than her real father ever was. She calls him Dad and calls her father by his first name.
I don't think a phone call from them for her on her special day would have been asking all that much.
I don't play the real child verses the step child thing.
Children are all children with feelings.
The towns were close enough IF they had wanted her to feel part of the family, one could have went to each graduation.
However, to just go to the other graduation & ignore my daughter was down right rude.

I need to ask, did your daughter send them an invitation to the graduation? Did they get the invitation to the other childs graduation first? My husbands family has so much stuff going on that they have no choice to do the "first come first served" thing. When we first got together it bothered me, but having to had to choose between so many different family events over the years has really put it in perspective for me. I cannot be at hanna's birthday party and chrissie's baby shower at the same time, so if hanna's parents asked first, I politly tell chrissie, sorry, I have a previous engagement, and I send her a gift. Unless you are only dealing with immidiate family, you will be forced to choose. It is up to the second inviter to understand and not be hurt. From what you said on your first post, they did give you an explination, I would be dumbfounded if Chrissie expected me to send an apology and explination with her gift after I verbally explained why I could not be there, and I would think she was being childish.
Sorry, just my 2 cents.

I don't know how clear I can say this. The gift was given to my husband to give to my daughter. I told them when the graduation was. They NEVER talked to my daughter.
It was her graduation. I think they should have at least called and talked to her.
I guess a gift is okay if all you want is material things. My daughter could care less about the gift. She wanted to hear from them. At least a call saying congrats!
Yeah that is being childish...whatever.

It is an unfortunate situation that children are looked at by whether they are "real" or not. All children deserve to be loved whether they are blood relatives or not. Multiple occasions occur all the time and it is hard to choose which to attend. Once they made their decision to attend the "real" granddaughter's graduation ceremony, they should have called the other granddaughter and explained. A simple "I am sorry we can't attend you graduation, but we love you and are proud of you for your accomplishment" would have gone a long way. Your daugher is very fortunate to have such supportive parents as you are. Try not to dwell on other's peoples lack of social graces and try to continue on with your life as if nothing ever happened. Unfortunately, life is full of these little disappointments.

My parents treat my stepchildren and my brothers with less than equal standing. They also treat my own boys as if they are not as good as some of their other grandchildren. It is so obvious, that my children have asked me about it. My children are not as gushy and huggy as some of the other grandchildren and therefore looked at as snobby (or something). I have talked to my mother about it, but of course she denies it. I have learned to just ignore it and do my daughterly duty. My husbands father can't even remember my boys names. They didn't receive anything for Christmas until my husband stated that their cards must have gotten lost in the mail or something. His father said "oh, I forgot, what are their names again? He sent them each $5.00 of McDonalds gift certificates. They are way past the McDonalds stage. My mother-in-law more than makes up for it She can barely afford to pay her monthly bills, but she never forgets their birthday's and when she is visiting from Florida, she makes it a point to spend special time with them so that they feel loved.

Congratulations to you and your daughter and good luck to her as she begins the next phase of her life!!!!

Take care

At least someone understands what I was trying to say. :)
Our daughter has a very bright future. She's going to get her associates degree in accounting. Then either go for a bachlor's degree in accounting or go into some computer field. She loves computers too.
The "real" GD was 9 months pregnant at graduation, and is living with her parents and asking them to baby sit all the time because she doesn't want to be saddled with the baby.
Just thought I'd let you have some background on her also.
We live in a another state from both our families.I only have a sister left, he has lots of family.
When his parents call I'm polite, but I won't go out of my way to do those special things I used to do.
I used to get things I know his mother liked and take them to her or make her gifts by hand. Some of them took months to make. I don't feel like doing it anymore.

Just because their granddaughter was pregnant at graduation makes her no less of a person than your daughter. You are looking at this situation froma different position that they would and the rest of the family. I knid of feel like in that last post you were saying that they should have come to your daughter's graduation because she had not made a mistake like the granddaughter had done. Whether you want to admit it or not there is and always will be a difference between step and bio. Even the people on here will admit to feeling different and they chose the situation.

Nope just saying what each girls future looked like. If you choose to read more into than that, that's your take on it.
My daughter has more than made her share of mistakes. Just not that one.
I'm glad I don't play the my real kid is more important thing and you are just a step kid.
I'd feel really bad for my stepson who's coming to visit a few weeks, tomorrow. I could be playing the evil step mom thing. Instead i'm getting his room ready for him. :)

One grandparent should have gone to each ceremony, or else they should have gone to the other girl's ceremony and come for dinner or something after your daughter's ceremony. At the very least a phone call. You are right. Personally I don't think the ceremony itself is very important, but the day is important and your daughter deserved acknowledgement.

If you are still upset (and it sounds like you are), you should talk to your in-laws about it and explain to them how it made you feel. There is no reason to go through life angry. You need to get through your feelings and put them behind you.

Your daughter sounds like she is doing great. Congratulations.

My grandmother, who is my bio dad's mom, lived closer to her daughter's kids then she did us. To this day she treats us as if we were beneath her darling granddaughter and grandson... just because she had more contact with them than us. She would even go as far as to "top" our accomplishments with theirs when we were younger (good grades, school awards, etc.). I never understood it and still don't. She was never really mean to us, but you could tell that there was definite favoritism. It used to drive my mom crazy... she would go on and on about them. Now that we are all grown she can't bear it that my sisters and I all turned out to be responsible, smart adults, compared to her other two grandkids who, I would call, losers (36 year old son still lives with "mommy" because he can't hold down a job.)
Just so you see... it happens in non-step families too. To this day she still does it and she's 89... she absolutely gushes about them to us like they ar g-d's gift.
There is no excuse for rudeness. The grandparents should have called your daughter to congratulate her personally. My grandmother would just send us a card with a check... no phone call... nothing.
My mom's mom (grandma) gave equal attention and love to all 11 of her grandchildren... and now great grand children.

I'll never understand why some people are like that... how can you be so unfeeling, especially to a child???

How would I feel is the question....Every family I know has their problems. I currently have a new Step brother in law that needs to be pampered like a prince ect ect...You are wasting time and energy over this. Most people do not change especially if they do not think they are wrong. Move on and forget it if you can. The pregnant girl- you wouldnt have mentioned it if it did not matter or had no bearing on what you were saying. Girls in high school get pregnant they have been for a long long time. Just be glad its not your daughter. Good Luck

Things happened and well it's over. I also know many other people who have split families and remarriages and it makes it difficult for family members to attend every event. For example, my fiance' step sister and BIL had 6 graduation parties to attend in one weekend! They only got to spend a few minutes at each and didn't get time to relax and enjoy themselves. Maybe your in-laws had been invited to their other granddaughters graduation first or maybe they were to help with something and needed to be there? I would be thankful that they did make sure she got a gift, they could have acted like it was another day.

I also agree with the fact that the other girl was pregnant has ABSOULTELY nothing to do with why they should have attended your daughter's graduation. It also does not mean your daughter has a brighter future than the other girl. I mean in a year, the other girl could be a mother who's putting herself through school and working while your daughter may have gotten messed up with the wrong crowd and dropped out of college...Heck, she could come home mid year pregnant~you never know. Life is planned for us and things happen for reasons. Getting pregnant is not the end of the world and is not a mistake...it's something that was planned somewhere to happen to us. It may make the girl a better person in the long run by making her grow up and be more responsible early on. So look at the situation differently. Trust me, my mother and I thought that I would never be one to get pregnant early on...I was 19 when my DS came along and I'd never done a thing wrong in my life. It was shock for the family and everyone but things turned out great. You just never know what's planned for each of us.

Maybe if it would make you guys feel better you could ask about why they didn't call or why they chose to go to the other graduation instead? There could be a good reason for it. HOwever, I would just forget about it and go on with life. It's too short to get angry over everything that happens...why I could get upset because my aunts and uncles and others attended my cousins' graduations but not mine but what's the use?

~Leslie~

My Mom in law lives closer to my sil's than to me. She has a much stronger bond with her children than with mine. They are all her bio grandkids, but she has been around them more and has a stronger connection. Its natural. I wouldn't give that situation a second thought. Don't look for trouble where none exists.

First let me say, that I am sorry you are so upset by all of this. But one thing that I noticed is that you said that YOU called the grandparents and told them of the graduation, not your DD. The way that I see it is if I get an invitation from someone I respond to them not to someone else. Did they tell you they wouldn't be able to come or your DH? Why didn't your DD call them and ask them to come? Is your DD upset or are you?
I think no matter what they did it would be wrong. It is hard to be between a rock and a hard place. Maybe your DD should call them and thank them for the gift...maybe they will explain to her why they couldn't be there. It should be their responsibility to let her know but sometimes (for the sake of family) we have to be the bigger person. I hope you are able to get some closure on this issue soon. I have been married for almost 8 yrs. I have 1 SS, 1DD from a previous marriage and 1 DD from this marriage. I know it isn't easy juggling the time needed for all parties in a combined family. (((((Hugs))))))to you and Congratulations to your DD!!!!!!!!!!!!

It's natural to prefer one's bio grandchildren, period, and if you were in the same situation, you would act the same. It's human nature. Why keep putting your energies into a situation that's over and done with? Get over it!

Do you realize that you're making more of a thing about it than your daughter? She will take her cue from you and if you put it behind you, she will too. JUST DO IT!

If I were in your position, I think that I would have felt hurt too. But I would also realize that you cannot control other peoples behavior, you can only control the way you react to it. If your daughter is upset because the grandparents weren't there, why doesn't she just give them a call and say "thanks for the gift. I was sorry that you couldn't be there, we missed you" That's a nice way of letting them know how she feels.
I have had a heck of a time dealing with my finaces family. For two years now I have been an outsider. When we moved in together, his mom just kept saying he was making a mistake. His 17 daughter doesn't want him to be in a relationship with anyone. My son graduated this past June and his mother made no acknowledgement whatsoever. There are no gifts for me or my kids at Christmas. I feel as though I am treated as her son's cheap girlfriend. Things that she has said have inadvertantly gotten back to me. How do I deal with it? I realize that her behavior is ignorant and that I am above that, I am as polite as I can be. I go home and burn up with anger, but only at home. And I do keep my distance from her. I do not want to be around negative people. And my relationship with my fiance does not need negative influences from his family.
So just forget about the graduation. If you don't feel like giving your MIL little gifts and stuff, then don't. But don't make a big deal about it.