Personally I think both, but then again, if both parents agree on an activity, there should already be an agreement to share the costs. However, if you put the child in an activity when they are with you and the other parent is not involved in the activity and didn't really have any input in the decision, then they shouldn't have to pay anything, although as a parent, I would think they might want to contribute to their kid's activities. But, I am probably being overly optimistic.

I think like CS, it can depend on a number of factors such as income of each parent. My agreement addresses.

My husband's agreement states specifically that they will be split, but with prior consent. That is actually one thing they don't fight much over.....except one summer when she put him in expensive activities every day because she was working. We told her that we would only pay a certain amount of that because if he was home he wouldn't need to be in those activities. She didn't like it, but accepted what we paid.

I strongly discourage any friends who are in the process of getting a divorce to avoid the "prior consent", as it means the agreement resolves nothing. And I say this to men and women. You can put $ limits, %s or strike out dangerous sports (eg motorcross). But the prior consent or agreement of parties makes the agreement meaningless.

I am hopeful that when our court case is finished, we will have something like this in writing. Especially if my fiance winds up having to pay child support to BM, then I really hope the guidelines for who pays what will be clearly spelled out. Fiance pays for everything as of now, and always has---all medical expenses, daycare, kindergarten tuition, birthday parties, uniforms, soccer, clothes, whatever. BM just calls and tells him what she needs and he buys it.

I have a friend who recently got divorced and their agreement states that her ex-husband pays 70% of extras, she pays 30%.

Certainly the agreement should provide for who pays ($ or % or other clearly objective standard -- as in tuition at one of 3 local schools, etc) for medical, day care, tuition, uniforms, clothes. Dont know if I would go so far as to say Birthday parties. My experience is most divorced parents do their own party (so child has two parties). If clothes and uniforms are to be considered part of CS, it should say so. Also should say who does pick ups and drop offs. My agreement said parent to whose house child is going does pick up (so child doesnt feel like she is being disposed of), but usually I do driving. My agreement also says no third party pick ups without consent.

Child support, in Canada, where my support order for my children was written, is guideline based on what is appropriate for children at the income level of their parents.

Extras like camp, or piano lessons, are extraordinary expenses, to be shared in proportion to income of both parents.

BUT

The definition of extraordinary expense is difficult to meet. Piano lessons for a family making 40k a year would probably be considered extraordinary, and the cost proportionaley divided and added to support. Piano lessons for a family making 80k would not be considered extraordinary for a family at that income level, and would not be added, it would be presumed to be included in the guideline amount.

So, in a nutshell, activities and costs that most people in the parents income bracket would provide are not added to support at all. Activities that would be a strain to parents at their income level , are split proportionaly. THe onus is on the parent requesting the support to prove that the activity is necessary, considering the income level, if they want money for it.

In reality, they rarely get extra funds for things like parties or hockey or camp. It just usually isnt granted. Guideline tables are fairly high though.

"My experience is most divorced parents do their own party (so child has two parties)"

I'm referring more to the class parties that kids often have. Starting for her 3rd birthday, my daughter invited her preschool class--and did so for her 4th and 5th, as well. Then for her 6th, she invited her kindergarten class. My STBSS has always done the same, as well. These are never inexpensive--STBSS had a party at a bounce place this past year and the total bill was over $350 when you included cake, and party favors.

You can't really have two class parties, kwim?

We always do our own family celebration with my parents for the kids' birthdays, as well.

I've stated before that X helps with nothing outside of CS. We hadn't been divorced 6 months and he enforced a ridiculous rule from our papers that says he gets DS the entire month of June and if I want any visitation during that month, I have to submit it IN WRITING by such-and-such date. Well, my stupid attorney took almost 5 months to get the final decree to us and it was after that date when we finally got them. So he took DS for the entire month of June and I got no visitation. So I enrolled my DS in t-ball basically so I could at least see him once or twice a week. I paid for it completely. Then he became friends with the coach and then became assistant coach and even joined the Moose Lodge as a guest of the coach! All on my dime! They would sit together at games and parties and talk about me. All on my dime. After that season, he paid half of the dues. Most seasons he was involved with the team in one way or another. But then, last summer, CS was modified and he made the statement that now he didn't have to help with sports. We had already agreed to DS playing football, but hadn't paid anything yet. X refused to help with any expenses such as registration fee, equipment or practice clothes. However, he at least took him to the games. He refused to help out in any way with snacks or water or even helping on the sidelines. My FDH took up the slack there. Last baseball season, I footed the entire bill and I suspect that will be the case for a while.

Don't get me wrong, I do consult with him as to whether he will be willing to transport DS on his weekends.

Also, during that first summer, X thought I was going to continue to pay daycare throughout that month that he had DS and wouldn't let me have visitation. He was very unhappy when I informed him that I was not paying for daycare so X could go to work (oh, did I mention he wasn't paying any CS and this was 6 months after divorce was final and 10 months since separation). I showed him in the papers where it says that when the child is with him he is responsible for all support. He also wanted me to send a month's worth of clothes. I told him no that he had to buy the clothes himself. Believe-it-or-not, he actually told me that I should pay HIM CS for the month he was there. I said no that I don't owe him a thing. Needless to say, he doesn't get DS in the summer anymore except on regular visitation weekends.

In a good situation, X would help with things like sports, clubs, camps, school functions and field trips, and stuff like that. I don't mind paying all the daycare, but I won't pay for it so he can have child care. No way. I feel like all clothing items for school are my responsibility since he is with me during the week. I would think he should help with school supplies as well.

This is an easy one for us. If the girls get to be in any extra activities we will HAVE to pay for them. Mom just can't with her condition. Job's are never guaranteed with her. We'd rather her go to rehab and not work than her pay for the girls ballet classes. Stress (including financial) is a HUGE trigger for her meltdowns. We arn't adding any unnecessary fuel to her already out of control fire.

Birthday parties and Holidays....seperate. No questions or arguments. It's the only way we can keep our sanity.

My X and I split most of my DS activities. If he plays baseball or football we split the registration and cost of uniform (if that is needed).

But I just recently signed my DS up for bowling and I take him every Wed. and my X has nothing to do with it so I never even considered asking him to pay for any of that.

When it is something that my X will be able to go watch and be involved in then I will let him know the cost and he will pay half.