He may have made up with the boyfriend by now, he may have made other arrangements when the friend (wise friend) didn't cooperate, you just don't know the whole story, or even if there *is* a story.

This may be par for the course for him.

He was "out on the streets of Atlanta", yet he didn't call you.

won't call you,
won't take your calls...

it doesn't sound like he *wants* you & his dad to "get him back here".

As you said, he's a 26-year-old able-bodied man with an aversion to work.

This is his problem;
until/unless he asks for help, it's not your husband's & not yours.

Send up a good thought, say a little prayer, but don't intrude.

D,

After reading your post, i thought this woman is going to have a heart attack. Just when it seems your home was going to become more quiet and enjoyable, here comes SS and his problems.

I really admire your patience. This being said, i totally agree with sylviatexas comments.

Don't intrude. Detach with love.

Keep posting.

I was thinking the same thing as sylvia and fleurs. You've been through enough!

"God helps those who help themselves" -- and so should you. You can't get him on the right track -- only he can do it. (and you did reach out, but he chose to again reject it....you've done all you can and should do)

Thanks, ladies.

My fears are rather sickening - that he'd prostitute himself out, end up w/ HIV, get sick, etc.

Our mutual friend actually sent him several hundred $ as she has done from time to time. Suffice it to say that she owes him for something - long story. Anyway, I told her that I can't tell her how to spend her $ but that sending him $ when he's made no attempts to better his position isn't helping in the long run. You know, give a man food, feed him for the day...show him how to farm, feed him for life...

I guess he was hinting at what our reception of him would be to the friend (she works for us.) So, a call may be coming. But, as sylvia said, he and the bf could be just in a lover's spat, smoothed over by now. We believe the bf is moving an hour north of us in S.FL, however. If that happens, I think odds are that SS could contact us. Guess we'll play the waiting game. We've opened the door numerous times and there wasn't any fight, just the talk w/ DH about school or work. He chose to run and estrange himself from us. He chose not to work and to stick us for his bills.

I thought about this last night a lot. It was DH's b-day and we were all out to dinner, SS being the only one missing. Part of me just doesn't want to deal. Even if we do get him back, will it be the same thing? Will he straighten up long enough to have DH go behind my back and buy another car? DH said that the counseling has opened his eyes and he's done w/ all that (plus our lack of funds, lol), but I worry if the ins.$ comes and SS starts whining how strong he'll be....

Thanks for your support. I'm backing off.

D

Could he just be calling that mutual friend laying the guilt trip on her because "she owes him something" knowing she will feel ________ and send him some money ?????

Where did I read this? Oh yes, Dr Joyce Brothers --
But in a nutshell, she said that there are 'Takers' and 'Givers' in life, and that they usually find each other, to the benefit of the 'Takers' and the detriment of the 'Givers.'

Clearly Dana, you're a major Giver.
Just as clearly, Prodigal SS is a major 'Taker.'
As long as you give, he will take, and only your side will be able to break the cycle.

For your sake as well as his, please break this cycle. It sounds like this bright young man probably will have to crash before he begins to rebuild -- but postponing that crash only postpones the rebuilding.

(By the way, I think they have prostitution in FL too, don't they?)

Cawfe: It's very possible. I did tell her that she really doesn't owe him a thing after what he's put her through and for him to call her like that is inappropriate (after all, she ended up being up most of the night between him and the bf calling her - but they could sleep in the next day - not possible for her who is at work at 8 am). I told her not to field any more of his drama, just say that he needs to talk to us and work this thing out. We'll see.

Sweeby - I'm afraid he's a taker. I guess w/ all who fall into this category, we seem to hold onto the image we have of who these people once were or could have been. Sadly, they are no longer those people and are now damaged. I believe he is afraid to face me/us due to the student loan business and all of his other mistakes. I fear trouble for DH and I should this one return here. He's a major manipulator. He doesn't need to be like that - he has the brains to make something productive of himself

About the prostitution - it's not legal here or in Atlanta as far as I know. Of course it's here. My fears are from an HIV + patient I have - contracted the disease while prostituting himself out to get alcohol/drug money. I discovered oral cancer on him very early on and he beat it. He's forever grateful, obviously, and knew SS from when he did a little work for us years ago. When I told him of his not finishing school, moving around, not wanting to work, he told me just how he contrated HIV. It made me shudder and I don't want SS to ever contemplate that.

D