That's great! I'm so happy to hear that your SD helped out like that=) I ran across this post in another forum and thought of you, tell me does this sound familiar? LOL

"my stepdaughter has a tendency to want too much "alone time" with her father. She doesn't want anyone else around when she is talking to him, just like the old days when he devoted all his attention to her. There is definitely a possessive element to her relationship with him. Sure, I want them to have a close relationship, and I am not jealous of the time they spend together. It's just that I look at them from an "outsider's" point of view. From my vantage point, I feel that my stepdaughter's hold on her father is not healthy, even though it is understandable because of their mutual grief. And yet, how does a stepmom express her concerns regarding this issue without sounding possessive herself?!"

What a horrible term, "emotional incest" - but that's precisely what it is. The daughter begins to see herself as a partner in the household, while the father may unintentionally encourage it because of his own emotional needs, his fear, and his guilt-parenting.

-Dcubana

Dana,

Your description of the party tired me out just thinking about it. It seems to me that you are trying to do way too much - your children might be just as happy with a much smaller party and a less frazzled mother.

TOS,

I have never had a 'real' b-day party for my sons. As I've mentioned before, we were building our house for YEARS! The boys would be invited to party after party, their b-days would roll around and they'd ask, "Mommy, can we have a b-day party?"

My answer, and it went on for years, was, "As soon as we have our house, we're going to have the party of all parties!"

Well, this Spring, the oldest's b-day was quickly approaching and he wanted a party. I said, "Fine. Your big day is over Spring Break, so we ought to move it to a different weekend or a lot of people could be out of town."

As it turned out, there wasn't another good weekend around his b-day. Also, he went through the other first grade class list as he was in K w/ some of those kids and wanted to invite them. I realized only 6 first graders weren't on his list, not that he didn't want them, but didn't know them as well. I refused to have 6 children excluded, so both first grade classes were invited. Then, there's siblings...I'm not the type to not allow Johnny's little sister to join her brother for the fun, knowing the mom is going to be stuck if I exclude her. Weekends are family time and I wouldn't be comfortable excluding anyone. So, siblings were included. Then, as we looked at the list, we noticed that many had siblings in my middle son's class. After seeing that, and knowing each boy wanted a "Wild Animal Party", I refused to have the same people coming for one kid's party one weekend and the other party a few weeks later.

So, I don't do this regularly, throw very few parties, etc. I also thought some people would have been leaving town for summer vacation a little early (today's our last day of school) but that didn't seem to happen, either.

I paid for the best party the co. had - at the end, each child had his/her picture taken w/ two of the animals. It didn't cost more to have ten kids have their pics taken, or 70, so it was well worth it to just do it big this once.

The kids have already requested the same party next year but KNOW that that's a once in a lifetime deal...

I do get a little unrealistic regarding the cooking, but took Friday off of work to get a lot of it done...

Dana

Yes, that post did sound eerily familiar!

I have a patient who left her DH after several years and two kids. He had children from his first marriage. When I said that I was sorry about their divorce she said, "Don't be! I am so happy not to have to see him cater to his DDs ever again. He is guilty of 'covert incest'." When I shuddered, she said, "It's nothing like you think, just an unhealthy situation where if one of the daughters wants a glass of water at 1 am, he'll run down the stairs to get it for her. She'll never meet any man who will treat her close to this, so I think he's setting her up for failure in every future relationship she'll ever have..." I thought she was a little off the wall, but I so see her point...

Dana

With some people no matter what you do or don't do ... they seem to pick apart what they want to hear.

I was tired reading it. But thought what a great idea combo party 3 kids get it over in one shot no one gets left out. My SC are close in age so they basically have the same social circle.

And is was nice that your SD pitched in she could have walked away found something to do with her friends or just sit by the pool. Even how you talk about her has changed in your last few posts. I am sure its not easy but seems like its getting easier.

You still want her to go but atleast it will be on easier terms than just packing her stuff and leaving boxes at the door.

Cawfe,

You 'get it.' You always 'get it.' For some reason, you can sense the sentiments with which posts are written. Is it a gift, divine intervention or something else??? LOL.

Am I glad I did it? Absolutely. The looks on my kids (and all of the kids' faces) were truly priceless. And, I always dreamed of being the most popular girl around, and finally, at 43 y.o, I'm the most popular girl in the first grade and pre-k classes! LOL!

Yes, SD is trying and so I'm much more at ease. She tackled the cabana bathroom w/o batting an eye, Windexed off the glass stair railings, and kept an eye on the ovens so I could hold the youngest and let him be part of the show. I ran in once, checking my watch, and she said, "Dana, just relax and enjoy the show. I know you love these animals as much as the kids do, so go have fun and I'll get everything ready to be served." She did, too!

Dana