I actually think it is very regional. I live in NY and attended many very elaborate weddings where I had to shell out a $300 gift ($600 for close family) for a gift. I think the idea is that you have to cover your plate and then some. My DH's friend is a wedding photographer and he charges a minimum of $12K for a wedding and he is booked solid. Around here, giving money is a norm. The registry is for the bridal shower and I have seen many registeries that include plasma's and $400 place settings. I have several girls at my job getting married and they are spending between $25-$40K. It's outrageous if you ask me and quite stressful because you want to attend these events but they become very unaffordable! In addition, for the amount of money you spend on a wedding, you can put a down payment on a house! When I got married 7 years ago, my parents offered m $20K to pay for the wedding. We looked at several places that cost $150/person and it just didn't feel right sending all that money on one day. We opted to have our wedding a restaurant instead of a reception hall and invited 75 people (much to the chagrin of my parents who wanted me to invite 200 people). My bouquet and cake were from Costco. I had one maid of honor and advertised at a local college to get cheap photographer/videographer. My dress was off the rack of a bridal store and I drove myself to the church. I ended up spending about $7K and the other 13K was part of the down payment for our home. I will admit that my friends and family were generous despite the simple nature of our wedding which I was extremely grateful for.

Monica said it best, think of it as being remembered. Even though your DH has passed, I think it's really nice they included you and still consider you family. One of my sons got married last June and my other is getting married in 5 weeks. For both weddings each side was given a certain amount of people to invite. The bride and groom also had their own friends they invited. I included all of my family, some of which we do not see that often, but I know they would be hurt if not invited. I also invited some of my friends who really do not know the bride or groom, but are thrilled to be invited. My Dh has friends he met through work who are flying in from Alabama to our wedding in CA. They have never met the kids, but were incredibly honored to be included. If you can't make the wedding, I'd send a hand written note/card of congratulations and also thank them for including you in their special day. I disagree regarding the bridezilla wanting gifts.

I'm going to post here expecting that there is going to be a huge uproar against my opinion, because it is obvious of the majority opinion on this network. However, I am inclined to post about an alternative view of this controversial topic. Here is my story: My fiancee and I are getting married. We purchased our first home together about 8 months ago and we are managing our finances as new homeowners. Our families are not particularly wealthy in San Francisco Bay Area standards, and thus my fiancee and I are pulling our own funds together to have a wedding + reception + honeymoon (while still paying for our mortgage). We love our parents dearly and we do not want to put any added financial burden on them, however, they are very eager to help in any way they can. The bottom line is that money plays a big part in any wedding whether you say it or not, however, I think every bride and groom deserves the BEST wedding (however you personally define that). Traditions are still important to us, however, in some ways we are breaking from the norm...in hopefully a good way, though. We have a website, however, it is *not* the typical wedding website that you would expect. To better put it, our site is a Social Network (like this one, or the knot, myspace, or facebook) but focuses specifically on our wedding. We have our entourage communicating directly on there with each other, and family and friends are able to read up on how the wedding planning is coming along. That way, all family can feel like they are a part of the wedding even before the special day. I do intend to put the registry information when the time comes and any other important resources for out-of-town guests. The point of a site is that it is a centralized location for information...the point of google is so that people can find that website. I honestly do not understand why asking for money at a wedding is such a huge taboo in Western culture, but there are a few cultures where money is the assumed and traditional form of a gift for a wedding. My fiancee being Chinese, this is a perfectly acceptable custom; I must be sensitive to her culture as well as she has to understand my family culture. Attempting to be sensitive to this topic, we have chosen to use a Honeymoon Registry instead of the typical vendors (i.e Target, Walmart, Crates and Barrels, etc.). In addition, we are creating a separate insert named 'Resources', which will include the website, our contact number, and the registry. Including this information is important for the following: - We have guests coming from around the world - Guests who speak different languages - Guests who are and not tech-savy - Guests invited by family from both bride or groom's side - Guests invited by bride and groom Basically, we need to take advantage of every and all possible technology to avoid confusion as well as make this wedding fun for all. This is the 21st century and while keeping with some traditions is important, we should not be afraid to embrace new ideas.

Joann, i think the main things are it shouldnt be advertised, especially not an insert included with wedding announcement or invitation!! That sounds like 'you are hereby cordially invited to provide us with a gift from Macy's'!! I feel that our society has gotten so greedy and it used to be that you gave a nice gift period, then registries came along but people were reserved about using them, now alot of people it's like they expect to get lots of expensive stuff. I didnt mean to say brides are princesses, i was referring to someone who was wealthy and already had whatever they would need. When i was invited to their wedding, they included an announcement about where to buy their gifts. I was a single mom, and not knowing any better, felt pressured to go run around and spend money on something, while not even having money for some basics myself!! ALso with multiple showers, i think at some point, isnt the honoree responsible to say in good taste 'gosh, thanks soo much, but I already have had one (or two) showers, and just wouldnt feel right about continuing to have showers. I appreciate the offer, though" because while the idea that one can GO to more than one shower for the bride but not bring gifts, well, I suppose ou could..the ones I went to there was always that inference to bring something. If your a millionaire, fine. Having veyr limited finances myself, i felt this put me in a awkward position of either not going, or going empty handed