Inviting the JP to reception

22 years ago

I am getting married in October and have a question that I am hoping someone can help me with. We are using a justice of the peace and the wedding ceremony will be at the Inn where the reception is. The wedding will be small. My question - I feel I should invite the JP to stay for the reception. Is it proper to invite her husband too? If so, should I send a formal invitation? Thanks for any feedback.

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Comments (6)

chloecat
22 years ago
To answer your questions:

Yes, you should invite the JP to the reception.

Yes, you should invite her husband too.

Yes, you should send a formal invitation.

:-)
gellchom
22 years ago
I think it depends upon how small the wedding is, what kind of reception you are having, and whether you know this JP or are just hiring her for the day. My husband is a clergyman, and we are always invited to the reception. But -- these families are his congregants, not strangers hiring him for the day. And even then, if there is a VERY tiny wedding, say, 15 people, who are then going to a home or restaurant for the "reception," I know he would not be insulted not to be invited to join them -- and I absolutely would not expect them to invite me, too. Often these families will ask him, or us, to join them at the restaurant or wherever, but we realize that they are just being extra courteous, not wanting to walk off to celebrate right in front of us, and we decline. I think that is probably what you are worrying about, right? Because the reception is at the same location as the ceremony.
I don't know what you mean by "small." If you are having 100 people or something, I would invite her and her husband, with the same invitation you use for the other guests. If it is a small group, but you are having just coffee and cake or something, as opposed to a meal, I would ask her to stay, but I don't think you must send an invitation to her and her husband.

If you don't know her except that you are hiring her for the day: don't worry, she probably won't accept even if you do invite her. As lovely as your wedding will be, she sees hundreds of them, and she will have other things to do than be at a reception where she doesn't know the people.
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Congratulations to you! For two reasons, I would not call this party a "reception": (1) the party is much too far after the wedding -- closer to the first anniversary -- and (2) although it was a very small wedding, it wasn't an elopement or a City Hall ceremony with no celebration or guests at all. I would just call it a party in their honor. I would omit any reference to the wedding at all, so as to avoid any appearance of the party being an attempt to get gifts, as if the couple wanted an exotic private wedding at the time, but now feel they missed out on gifts. Of course, people who didn't already send a wedding gift probably will bring them one anyway, but you don't want it to look like you are prompting them. Everyone you are inviting will understand that the party is in honor of their marriage, because you will only (I assume) be inviting people who are close enough that they know that the couple were recently married, and that's why you are doing it. You wrote "food will be served," but I don't know if that means a casual barbecue in your yard, a picnic lunch at the park, a tea dance at a country club, a brunch, snacks, or what. The games make it sound casual, but you also mentioned music and dancing. Once you decide on your plans, that of course will affect the text of your invitation. If it will be a casual evening barbecue in your yard, for example, you might word the invitation like this: Please join us for a cookout, dancing, and swimming in honor of [couple's names, including last name(s)] Sunday, June 34th 5:00 p.m. at our home 123 Sesame Street R.s.v.p. 555-5555 [or email@email.com, or omit if you are including a response card or trust your friends to respond without prompting!] Or, you could leave out "and swimming" and add "Bring your bathing suits for a swim" at the end, depending on what you want to emphasize as the tone of your party. It's not necessary to mention that games will be available. I don't think you need to specify attire, unless you want it black tie, which doesn't sound likely. If you feel you must, IMHO it is better to stick to "casual" or "dressy" or something rather than anything confusing like "festive attire." But I don't think you need to say anything: the style, color, and font of the invitation will get the message to your guests. (We went to 3 weddings this month. One invitation said "black tie optional," one said "cocktail attire," and one said nothing, but it was a rather formal looking invitation to a Saturday night wedding with dinner and dancing. The guests' attire was the same at all three of them! Well, no tuxedos at the last two, but the women at all of them wore dressy evening outfits, some long, some short, some pants.) Have fun.
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LAS23
Original Author
22 years ago
Thanks for the feedback. I do not know the JP - just hiring her for the day. By small, I mean fifty people. It is at a place that is expensive. Inviting her and her husband will cost as much as her fee, however I don't want this to be about money. We just want to do the right thing and not make her feel uncomfortable. I'm not sure if I send an invitation like she is a regular guest that she should feel she should bring us a gift. I am certainly not looking for that either!
froggy05
22 years ago
Sounds like you hardly know this person. If its gonna cost you as much as her fee, honestly I'd not invite her. I'm sure she will uinderstand. I'm not inviting my caterer and my florist even though thye are there to set up and see what it would be like. However we are inviting the priest becasue he is a family firend...
you need to make a decision that will suit you both morally and financially, after all this is your wedding. Don't invite her out of obligation!
chloecat
22 years ago
It is a simple courtesy to extend the invitation. If the JP is a virtual stranger, she will most likely decline.
gellchom
22 years ago
LAS23, I think in your case, with only 50 people at a seated meal reception and a JP you don't even know (that's the most important consideration), you don't need to invite her and her husband. I know my husband would not take offense; in fact, under those circumstances, I think we'd be very surprised to be invited. At most, I think I would say, "Won't you please stay for a drink?" after the ceremony, if you are having cocktails or wine before the meal (and she will probably decline that).

Inviting the JP to reception

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Inviting the JP to reception

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