I'd be upset too. I'd also send her the bill for the plane tickets. She should pay for it or at least pay for any fees involved in changing the dates. Too tired to get your kids from the airport??? What a lame excuse.

As much as I hate when a mom tries to run things from afar (my SD's BM does the same thing), it is very sad to me when a parent would rather not have their child with them. Whether it's a mom that doesn't have the energy to get her kids from the airport or a father that gets frustrated that he HAS to keep his kids longer because of it. I understand your frustration and I'm not criticizing you in any way. I get irritated when my SD's mom cancels on her weekend and we have plans that we have to change. But, what gets me through it is realizing that this kid has a mom that dumps her and she can't have a dad that doesn't seem to want her either. It sucks for the kids that are stuck in the middle and being shuffled like luggage nobody wants to deal with. (and I'm not saying that you or your husband feel that way) but that is probably how some of these kids feel. I know my SD has felt that way. When I pointed out to my husband how it must make his daughter feel when her mom doesn't want to get her, he realized that he can't let her feel that way on his end. He wants his daughter to always feel she can go to him, no matter what.

How old are the girls? Could you have arranged for a car service to have picked them up at the airport to deliver them back to their BM? Or is the airport too far from their BM's house?

wow. I would be mad. I would definately send her the bill or tell her she can arrange for transporting the kiddos back home when she is ready to take them back, you have done your part by providing the plane tickets for the return trip back its her prob that she refused to take the kids back. On the other hand though enjoy the extra time with the kids while you can especially since they have to travel by plane to visit and BM appears to control if they come or not.

Well, yes...she's rude & inconsiderate...and lame. But look at the bright side of things...you get your girls even longer! We only get SD for 5 days (at this point, maybe a week in July. I sure hope this custody thing is settled soon for us, or it will be a sad summer around here without SD!!!

Oh how I wish my skids BM was lame...well, she is lame, just on a different level!

Does your husband have a visitation order? If so, I would take it back to court and have it modified so that she has to pay for the airfare in the event that she changes the dates.

If there is no visitation order, I would go to court and get one so that she can not dictate your lives on whim without consequences for her.

We're going through the same things right now. I'll let ya know if/when we come up with a solution. LOL!

BM just booked plane tickets without even consulting us as to schedules. So now we have to work around HER schedule......again. Talk about running things from afar! She always finds a way to control things even in situations where it seems impossible.

Thanks for all of the feedback....SDs are 18 and 16. We looked into a car and or bus from the airport to their home (roughly 3 hours away). It wouldn't have worked with their flight schedule. The car option was too costly.

The thing is? I am not happy about having them longer. They have no rules at home....no consequences....they sleep all day and want to stay up all night. Doesn't work for those of us on a "normal" schedule. Their hygenie is atrocious and nothing my husband or I have tried/said has worked. They have no social skills...no friends....and don't care about what society thinks.

Wonder how they will make it in life.

so if they have no rules no manners and no hygiene why wouldn't dad teach them? and where was he when they were supposed to be learning all these skills? they were two of them making babies and now mom is the one to take care of them and etach consequences, not good. If they haven't learned much for whatever reason it is not too late and dad could start teaching now. he is the parent, not only mom. It is heartbreaking to think that the father does not want them around (or it is only you who wants them out?). It is sad. And if you think they don't know your attitude, they do. they know you don't want them around and it will backfire one day.

Fine: That's a question I wonder myself....he is a workaholic. That plays a part of it. From what he says, he would get frustrated feeling like he didn't have a "say" because she was a stay at home Mom. He would try to enforce rules/standards only to have her override him. He never had a good father figure and doesn't know how to be one. Whatever the excuse, the fact is that SDs are in desperate need of guidance, rules, boundaries, etc......and I don't think DH will step up to the plate and take action.

Teenage vampires during the summer....a concept that I'm becoming all too familiar with. Go about your usual business like I do. Vacuum right outside their door, clean, do the dishes, go about your normal routine, which is what I do to wake the living dead. On the other hand, I have a diva vamp who thinks nothing of showering and washing her hair twice a day, straightening it once, then curling it next time. I tremble at the thought of the water and electric bill. Eeek.

"Whatever the excuse, the fact is that SDs are in desperate need of guidance, rules, boundaries, etc......and I don't think DH will step up to the plate and take action." You got that right, sister. He'll never do it so learn to deal with it or go on vacation while his kids are there to save your own sanity.

It sounds to me you are more upset about having to keep the girls longer than the loss of the plane ticket. If I were you I would take this time to figure out a way to connect with your Step Daughters. I am sure they pick up on the fact that you don't want them. By marrying your husband you chose to become a step parent and with that does come some responsibility towards these girls, Try and offer these girl something whether it is your time, a manicure a hair cut whatever you can give... they deserve it.
My SM and I didn't always get along but she was the one who made sure I got my hair cut, that I learned about good hygene and other girl things because it wasn't readily available at home...and it did eventually sink in...kids aren't perfect whether they are your Steps or Bios and we can't just give up on any of them

I so agree with fiveinall.

Have you tried anything like what fiveinall suggested? Perhaps some 'fun' ways to teach grooming and social skills? Not that I think buying good behavior is right, but sometimes some positive reinforcement can go a long way. Hair, toes and a new outfit maybe? My SD and I once went to a tea parlor that served an old fashioned high tea and spoke about the niceties that were observed. SD to this day holds her tea cup with her pinky out. :-)
So, are there anyways to teach the behavior without a lecture that might get through to them and build your tolerance and relationship at the same time?

Why didn't your DH take vacation time while HIS children were visiting? Why is he at work and you are at home babysitting?

I agree that when I married him I took them on. In fact, I adopted my stepchildren from my first marriage and I have primary custody. I understand all about step parenting and the responsibility it brings. What I didn't understand when I married him was just how dysfunctional the kids were. They are severly depressed and neither positive nor negative reinforcement seems to work.
We both work full time, he just works longer hours so I am the one home most of the time.
If I felt I could make a difference, I would.....that's the difficult part of all of this. I want my SDs to succeed and thrive....but getting there could drive all of us nuts. They need remidial help in the worst way.

do they have health insurance? if they severely depressed they need therapy and evaluation and possibly medication ASAP.

well here is a thought..you did not say if you have bio's or not so I will use your adopted SK's that you have primary custody of.....If all of the sudden they took on your new SD's behavior what would you do?? I doubt you would send them away, I think more than likely you would try to get them help and that is exactly what you need to be doing for these two girls.... You can do it and even if there is no improvement, when they are older you will be able to say you gave it your all and have no regrets, you have nothing to lose but your time....

They are on meds and have been in therapy to no avail. When they used to live here, before their Mom moved them several states away....I went with my husband to see the girls therapist to gain insight as to what I could do to help. Nothing seems to work because whatever we implement is undone the moment they return home. As far as parenting styles go, their BM and I are polar opposites.