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wedding or bridal?

18 years ago

What is the difference between a Bridal shower and a wedding shower? My DD almost had a fit when I said Bridal shower instead of Wedding shower, and I did not feel safe at moment to ask what's the diff? She has not been her loving self lately and trying to avoid anything to set off explosions.Would appreciate any help on this one. Micki

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Comments (7)

Chemocurl zn5b/6a Indiana
18 years ago
I don't understand her upset. I think I usually hear it referred to a bridal shower, and there is a post today with bridal shower is the heading.

Either way, I think is fine...absolutely nothing to get upset over.
susan_in_nc
18 years ago
As posted the terms are generally used interchangeably. I also have heard the term Bridal with showers that go with more intimate subjects and wedding with showers that deal more with the home and public areas of the relationship. It could be that she was a bit sensitive about the private type of gifts suggested with that interpretation of the type of showers?

You know your daughter best, is it a misinterpretation of terms or is she just stressed? If it is stress, good luck! No, actually, I'm serious -- help her break down the planning so it is manageable, small chunks that can be dealt with, checked off the list, destressing.

Susan
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You can't change anyone's behavior except your own. So wishing that the joint gifts would stop or that they will stop chastising you if you don't chip in isn't going to get you anywhere. You can either continue to contribute to group gifts in order to keep the peace and get over your feelings about it, OR you can quit contributing and just deal with (ignore if possible) the scolding from MIL. IDEA: What if you just chip in a nominal amount to their gift $5 or $10, quit giving $60 because you know it won't be matched. Then you can always buy a separate gift for the recipient, spending what you consider to be an appropriate amount. As for the birthday gifts, who ever said that you HAVE to buy someone a gift, and that it has to be something on their $100 list? Buy IF and WHAT you want and leave it at that. You're letting them bully you into buying them expensive gifts. They probably will still bully you but whether you let them is up to you. You're worried about not ruining the relationship and I can really sympathize with that. But what I've learned is that your in-laws are going to behave the way they want to no matter what. In my first marriage, no matter what I did, no matter how hard I tried, MIL just didn't like me. And believe me, I tried! What a wasted effort. Second marriage, I'm just myself and nothing more, and unfortunaely inlaws & I have had a couple of unavoidable run-ins due to circumstances beyond our control. However, they still love me and treat me with respect (and vice versa). Bottom line, you need to live your own life, do what's best for you (just as they are apparently doing!!) and quit acquiescing to their expectations. It's fine to give in on some things, especially the things that are not important to you, but things that go against your grain like this apparently does, stand your ground and do what works for you.
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I have always thought of it this way (but perhaps it is because of the language...): Bridal Party = Bride's attendants Grooms Attendants = ?? (never had a term for them...) Wedding Party = Bridal Party + Groom's Attendants + Flower Girl/Ring Bearer (although some people place these in the "appropriate" Attendants category) + The Parents (depending upon how their role in the wedding is viewed...) I did have the same confusion when writing our wedding newsletter. I read an example that I had found online and they used the term "Bridal Party" when requesting their presence at the Rehearsal. I started writing my newsletter and used Bridal Party and when rereading it said "Wait a minute! That's only 1 person!!" Hee... hee... This difference is probably a "cultural" thing (i.e. depending on which state you are from and who your "circle" is...) but it certainly interesting! :-) -DuckyHead
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Even though my marriage was over after just under 10 years, I still think we did the wedding just right. We were married at Niagara Falls with just our families. Yes, it was a destination wedding but we weren't requiring anyone to come. We were eloping and if our family wanted to be there they were welcome to be there. We knew it wasn't a financial hardship on anyone except maybe my cheap FIL but my MIL was thrilled because it was the only real 'vacation' she ever had. I don't think she's ever even been to the beach and she is over 60 (and she lives within just a few hours of the beach!) The weather was beautiful and everyone had a good time. We were married outside on the American side of the falls and my parents paid for dinner in a private room at the Red Coach Inn. The kids did the touristy stuff, the adults got to gamble at the casino. My sister was able to bring her dog who is part of our family. It was just a great, fun and relaxing weekend. My cousin had a HUGE fancy wedding and her marriage lasted less than a year. I have never seen so many gifts at a bridal shower. I just feel sad that she wasted that on her first husband since she has a great marriage with her second husband and they didn't do a big thing since, well, it just didn't seem right after the first wedding. Actually I have at least three cousins who had VERY short marriages after big weddings. Our generation just hasn't been very lucky in that respect, no matter how big the wedding was.
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The painted oyster shells are beautiful. I am extremely picky about what comes into my house, but I would love one. That said the pen, notepad and a note from bride is a nice idea too. If too time consuming for the bride, a note that is a copy of a handwritten note by the bride would be an option. With the wide age range of guests, a medium size pen would be best. I am early 60s and I find too thin are hard for me to hold and too thick in diameter are uncomfortable.
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lowspark
18 years ago
I honestly don't remember hearing the term wedding shower used much if any at all. I've always just heard bridal shower. But if I had to guess a difference, it might be that bridal shower implies females only, and wedding shower would include men. Totally just a guess on my part. You might want to just say "shower" without specifying what kind for the time being until your daughter's stress level comes down. :)
talley_sue_nyc
18 years ago
speaking as a word maven: "bridal" is an adjective, which is properly used before a noun.

"wedding" is a noun. It can be called upon to serve as an adjective (the grammatical term is "attributive noun"--like "marlboro man"), but it's sometimes awkward.

That's why I've almost never heard the term "wedding shower."

But I think lowspark has one good idea anyway. I found this at Bliss.com:

Today, many "wedding showers" are being thrown that includes both the bride and groom and their "couple friends" in what is termed as a "Jack and Jill" shower.
lowspark
18 years ago
Yeah, One good idea is about all I'm normally allowed! LOL! And I guess this one was it for the month! Heehehehe
gw:mrs_micki
18 years ago
Lowspark you were right, talked to a wedding planner and she said they have changed it to wedding shower when both sexes are going to be present.Great to learn something new everyday.DD has calmed down a little bit, but I'm sure calmness will fade away in a few weeks as we get closer to the big day.Just keep trying to assure FSIL that it will get better I promise.LOL
gellchom
18 years ago
I sure wouldn't guess that "wedding" means coed and "bridal" means women only. I would consider them synonymous.

It sounds like your daughter has a case of pre-wedding (should that be pre-bridal?!) hysteria -- I'm guessing this isn't the only example you've seen, and I admire your serenity and patience dealing with her. Maybe she needs to read some "bridezilla" comments to get a little perspective and sense of humor and proportion -- although it sounds like she would NOT be amused right now.

Good luck and congratulations!

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