I think afternoon teas are great, especially if you are inviting a lot of her friends and family members - sometimes people are confused by bachelorette parties - especially if this is going to be a shower where you will want guests to bring gifts for your Mom.

You can have a tea at a home or restaurant. If someone has a nice backyard or access to an intimate park you can serve dainty finger sandwiches, tea, lemonade, iced tea, cookies, and cake. If you want to make it a formal high tea you can tell people to wear hats and gloves, which is always fun.

So themes for the party could be something around what you think she might enjoy receiving as gifts. - Like an Entertaining shower - people can bring games, gift certificates to restaurants, things to cook with, activity gift certificates (cooking classes, dancing lessons, bowling, golf, etc.), DVDs, books, candles, etc. She probably doesn't need all of the traditional shower gifts, but I'm sure she would love to receive some unique and useful gifts.

You can have a smaller gather for her bachelorette spa day - maybe just the wedding party a couple days before the wedding.

I would lean for the afternoon tea. I like the idea of an entertaining shower as well. Depending on the couples interests- what about a gardening shower. I know I would love a bunch of perennials to plant in my yard/garden! She could also register for a vacation and than if anyone asks- they could do that if they want. Considering their age and the fact that they likely have everything they need- I doubt people would be put off by a vacation registry. Congreats to your mom!

We had a "Big Hat Party" Shower - less formal than a true afternoon tea, but it was so much fun!

-DuckyHead

Here is a link that might be useful: Big Hat Party Shower

Congratulations! How nice for your mom and for you.

Here's another vote for a nice party that isn't exactly a "shower." Your mom is not some kid needing all the basics because she is just setting up housekeeping for the first time, which is sort of what showers are usually all about. Besides, the guests are probably going to get her wedding gifts; for a later-in-life marriage, you don't as often see multiple gifts (engagement, shower, wedding), I guess for the reason above. Anyway, as her daughters, you are close relatives. Showers are usually given by a friend or a more distant relative, like an aunt or cousin.

I'd just give a lovely, fun party, whether an afternoon tea, a cocktail party, a spa day, a lunch, a brunch -- whatever suits her style the best -- in honor of her forthcoming wedding. Are you planning on inviting only women? If so, it will have the "feel" of a shower or a bachelorette party without your calling it anything. The invitation can just say something like, "Please join us at for [tea/cocktails/whatever] in honor of our mother, Jane Doe, who will be married to John Groom on September 18, 2004. [Place/Date/Time/RSVP info]."

People will probably bring gifts. But whether or not they do, you're not planning this as a way of getting gifts anyway -- you're making a really fun day at which your mom will feel special and her friends will have a ball. That's easier to do if you don't tie yourselves to shower/bachelorette party concepts.

You and your sister are just terrific to do such a nice thing for your mom. Whatever you plan, it's going to be great! Have fun.

Thank you everyone for your suggestions. As I mentioned in my original post, my sister and I would NOT be the hosts; the remaining BM will be hosting. And as it happens, Christine (the BM) is hosting a "day out on the town"... a day of antiquing with a nice meal, then back to her house where we will have a PJ Party (I hate that name). My sister, Christine and myself will be taking my mother out for a "spa day" at a later date, closer to the wedding.

Without our knowledge, my mother impressed upon Christine how uncomfortable she would be in a formal social setting such as a shower. I do realize she isn't "some kid needing all the basics because she is just setting up housekeeping for the first time" and you're right, I wasn't trying to use this as a way of getting gifts. She's hard enough to buy for at Christmas. So, we're going for group gifts for both the PJ Party and the wedding.

Andrea :o)