I do not understand why your DS is staying wiht SM instead of either with you or with dad. I don't get it. He can visit, but not live there!!!

My X has a similar story, he recently left his 2nd wife for TOW. His son from 2nd marriage was devastated. DD is grown but she was also upset. DD keeps in touch with her former SM, but certainly does not live with her, as a grown woman my DD can do whatever, go out for dinner with exSM, if she wants to sleep there she could (she wouldn't) and whatever but as a child I would expect her to visit there, but not stay! She has a mother and a father. DD's brother, X's son lives wiht mom but goes to dads on the weekends. When DD visits dad for prolonged periods of time dad takes DD's brother for longer periods of time so DD can be wiht her brother.

I would not be happy if my DD lived wiht former SM (she was not TOW and I have nothing against her)instead of either mom or dad. This is absolutelly wrong. Who has custody? You? He? Both? Certainly not exSM!

On nights when X works DS should be with you, grandma, uncle, whoever not exSM.

If I were in your situation, I would suggest to my XH that when he is settled into a new place and ready to provide a stable environment for his son, to let me know. In the meantime, I'd be more than willing to work out an acceptable alternative that would allow him some continuity in his relationship with his son, but sending son to the estranged wife/SM under the current unstable circumstances is not OK.

With respect the SM and her feelings of impending loss...I understand that...when my first DH & I were dating, we broke things off a time or two...and as difficult as it was to be estranged from him during those times, it was as painful to lose contact with his children....so, I took it upon myself to have lunch with their mother. I told her I did not want to interfere with the kids and I had become attached to them. I was hoping it would be acceptable to her that I could call her occasionally, just to see how the kids were doing. She was very gracious in acknowledging I had become important to the kids, too, and I was welcome to contact the kids directly, if I wished. I was reluctant to do that, as I did not want to confuse them, didn't want them in the middle of what was going on with their father & me. When it became clear that the kids themselves wanted contact with me, with the OK of their mom, I would occasionally take them to an arcade, to a movie, to lunch, etc. I never kept them overnight...but then again, at that time, I had never been their SM, either.

Perhaps something like that would be acceptable to you & your SS....SM could take SS and his sister to lunch or a movie or a water park...whatever; SS gets to see his sister & SM is not completely cut out of his life, either....bu the opportunity for her to cause mischief between SS and his father is minimized.

Good luck with this.

I have to disagree with finedreams.. but not because I'm a SM.

SM has been in the child's life for ten years and his dad & SM have separated before. This may be temporary again. It would maintain some sort of stability for him to stay with the same arrangement he knows. I didn't get that he lived there, but that he will stay at SM's on "dad's time" and dad will pick him up from there with his half-sister? If that's the case, it would be less upset for the kids to do it the way you suggest.

I'd like to know why finedreams thinks it's wrong to have exSM take care of the child on nights he is working? If the child likes his SM or exSM and wants to see her, isn't it wrong to cut a loved stepparent out of a child's life just because the parents split up? She is the mother of his sister too. Why is it up to the parents to decide they can no longer have that relationship? I'd agree that if the kid didn't want to be with the stepparent, then they shouldn't be forced, but she's been SM for 10 years and now you think it's okay to rip this person from the child's life? Seems unfair to the child. He didn't tell his dad to leave. What if the child loves the stepparent?

Sorry, I missed the part where she may be causing problems between father/son. That should be prevented. But, as a general rule, I disagree that parents should unilaterally decide to cut a person that their children may love, out of their life just because things didn't work out. It's hard enough on the child if the stepparent cuts off contact after a break up, but if they are willing to continue the relationship, and the child loves the stepparent, I still think it is cruel for the parent to cut them off.

In terms of a potential custody dispute, I would reccomend lodging a complaint now -- you have parental rights and you don't want to give the impression that you are ceding them to the stepmother. If it isn't OK with you, say so. And then ask your son what he would like.

" told her I did not want to interfere with the kids and I had become attached to them. I was hoping it would be acceptable to her that I could call her occasionally, just to see how the kids were doing. She was very gracious in acknowledging I had become important to the kids, too, and I was welcome to contact the kids directly, if I wished. I was reluctant to do that, as I did not want to confuse them, didn't want them in the middle of what was going on with their father & me."

You freaking rock. Your stepkids are so lucky to have you.

iamommy,
I never said they should not be having a relationship. When did I say that, why do you start misinterpreting again? I never said anything about taking SM out of his life especially about ripping off. Of course SM should stay in contact, when did i say otherwise? I am talking about this particular situation not some hypothetical SMs and SKs.

and what kind of stability? OP said that SM might be poisoning DS against his father. this is unhealthy and not stable. DS is mad at his father, his father needs to take steps to mend this and both mom and dad need to comfort him now. Instead of that DS is comforting SM who does not want to lose him. This too much repsonsibility for a child. Kids need to be taught compassion but they should not be in the middle of it comforting abandoned parent or stepparent. It is not DS's job to comfort lonely SM.

Kid is disturbed enough right now.

Once again nobody said anything about cutting no one off. Neither OP not anyone who replied.

According to OP, SM tells she DS stories about why the father left, medication, anger issues, father not wanting to be accountable etc. This is highly inappropriate. I would not want my DD's exSM telling her what SOB her father is and even what kind of problems he has. I would not care now, but not in younger age!

I have custody of DS. DS goes to stay with ex one night a week and EOW. I was not told by anyone other than DS that he was going to continue on the same schedule as he previously was and stay in same house. Ex is staying with his parents, I think. I honestly have not talked to anyone other than DS to hear what is going on since I have never been given any number to reach ex other than their house and SM cell number. I was not allowed to have ex cell number per SM. SM is a controlling woman--if you could not tell. She always has been and I have let her have her way more than I should but I have not wanted DS to pay for our fighting. SM would be nasty to DS when things were bad between her and I. So I let a lot go that I just do not feel is worth it for DS to have to pay for. I have tried to be friends with SM for DS sake but found it to be too much work and just avoid SM now but I am pleasant when I see her. Both SM and ex have made arrangements for DS without asking or talking to me or DS. SM has always made sure that DS does not get any time but "family" time with ex when DS is at their house. I have argued until I am blue in the face that DS needs more alone time with ex because DS does not live with ex and gets to see him very little. SM has always said that she and sister want to spend time with DS and ex works all of the time and does not get to see them much either. Therefore they would only do everything as a family when DS was over. DS has always just wanted some alone time with his father. Sometimes I feel now that SM is worried that DS will get more attention than sister because DS is teenage boy and sister is 10 year old girl that does not have as much in common as the guys do. But that is just my opinion from listening and watching through the years. My concern with taking DS away from ex is that in a few weeks after ex gets whatever it is out of his system that ex will go back to SM and then SM will be nasty to DS because I have stepped in and not let her have her way. If this is a short, sowing some wild oats phase that ex is going through I think that consistency would be better for DS. DS does not have as big of problem with staying with SM as I have. DS is used to staying there and that is his home after 10 years too but I have a problem with SM controlling this when she should not be involved with DS right now. I told DS today that when ex picks him up that he should ask ex if he can stay at ex-in laws with ex. SM has always hated ex's parents. Their daughter has never spent the night with ex's parents in her ten years but spends 2-3 nights a week at SM parents. DS used to spend every weekend there until SM realized that DS would rather spend time with grandparents instead of ex and SM. So SM told ex's family that DS did not want to go out there anymore. DS would never say that as he loved going there and he did not understand why things changed. This is all so confusing and there has been so much drama through the years. Right now, everything is pretty calm and I just try to stay in my own little world. But I feel that SM is overstepping the line here. I do not want to make this harder on DS than it already is and I do not want to cause more problems for DS with SM if ex is going to return soon. I just have no idea truly what is going on and I do not know that SM would tell me the truth anyway. SM has always sugarcoated everything to make it a fairy tale with the two of them. Don't let the ex wife see the truth because she is out to get revenge!! (Just a little sarcasm! Because I could care less but they seem to think that I do.) But DS is usally pretty straight forward about the issues at their house and I know that things have never been good and ex will never change. Once a cheater, always a cheater and he just continues to prove it over and over. Ex just has not found one that is worth paying child support on two kids to leave her for like he did me the first time for her. I am not bitter but reliving ex doing the same thing over again does bring out a lot of anger that ex will not grow up and continues to put DS and now DS sister through this.

Almost, I think your head is in the right place and you are thinking this through well, but I have to disagree with one small thing - "I told DS today that when ex picks him up that he should ask ex if he can stay at ex-in laws with ex." I think if you want to keep DS out of this you have to keep him all the way out and not have him play messenger. If you don't have a number for ex tell DS that he and dad need to call you when he is picked up, and then discuss DS's plans with dad directly. Don't force DS to do the 'dirty work' and potentially put him in a weird spot. You have a right to speak up here, so don't feel bad for doing so.

Keep us posted!

well apparently SM wants to have control over the situation even after she and X split. It is not up to her to decide anything in reagrds to DS, and the very fact that you are not allowed to have x's phone number says a lot. she wants to control your DS as well. you need to find X (maybe through his parents) and make arrangment wiht him. He and you are the parents, not he and she. You have custody so you are primary decision maker here.

if his time with his father is so limited, then dad's time has to be with him not SM. if dad is currently unavailable then kid can stay where he belongs, at home, until dad settles. if X stays at his parents then DS needs to stay there too on dad's time. another option is: dad picks DS from your house and his daughter from SM's house and spends time with the kids.

I think both SM and X have been less than forthcoming. SM says it is fine if child stays with THEM and the THEM no longer includes X??? If people can't even be honest, the chance of a relationship is not that great in my book. I wonder what they told the poor child. I am not saying it is WRONG to let child stay there (and if OP has no other arrangements, so be it), but it would be best to have first priorities, mom, dad, other relatives, etc.

maybe she meant "them": her and DS' sister who lives with her?

on the other hand it is possible SM hopes DH comes back so she would espress that to DS and it is going to mess poor kid's head...

Them can inlcude her and DSs sister, but she should have made it clear no more DH. Hoping DH is coming back is scary.

I feel that SM intentionally misled me with her comments over the weekend. Maybe she truly thought that ex would come home by then but I do believe as BM of DS that I have a right to know what is going on with where DS is sleeping and who is there with him. I know that I do have to find a way to contact ex and take SM out of the picture for now. Ever since DS was given a cell phone by ex, DS has been given the job of messenger and I usually try to handle things with SM so that DS is not the messenger on my end. But now I am having a harder time of taking DS out of the middle because I have no way to directly contact ex. DS has ex cell number but I have not asked for it from him because I just felt I should not since it has never been given to me directly. I have not been in ex inlaws house so I do not know the size of it but I know that the family before them had 2 kids living there and each had their own room. I know that DS half sister will not spend the night at ex inlaws house. She is scared because it is out in the country and she has not spent the night there ever. So I do believe that these arrangements to bring both kids back to SM house is the plan of SM. Ex FIL is retired and even though ex MIL works, I cannot imagine either of ex's parents having a problem with DS staying there. DS is 14 and can take care of himself for the most part although he does not need to be left alone all night while ex is working. But ex inlaws have always had an open door for DS. They have been very good to both DS and myself until SM put an end to it years ago. But ex inlaws helped me out a great deal after ex and I split up and my family was not there. SM told me a couple of years ago though that she or ex would make sure that DS could see his grandparents on their time and I was to stay away from them after SM had told me that she and ex had plans when I needed someone to stay with DS so I had called ex inlaws as they have told me that they would be more than happy if I ever got in a bind to keep DS. I decided it was not worth the fight and I like when I run into them because that is the only time that I get to see them. I am not out to cause problems in ex's relationship but just want what is best for DS. That is why I have not said too much of anything to anyone but was waiting to make sure that I did not run my mouth and say something that I regret later.

you have rights to ask for x phone number, ask your DS. There is nothing wrong! you should ask, who cares if he give it to you or not. it is your rights to discuss your kid's life.

this not SM's business when DS sees his grandparents. i could call my exMIl any time I want and DD could see them any time i want, this is not up to SM. These are his grandparents. i am really p-d off right now reading to this story. she is nobody to tell you whose phone numbers you can have and what should you do with ex in-laws. she has no power over what you, DS or in-laws do. and apparently she has no power over what X does either. get your kid out of there ASAP.

you have rights to see in-laws and talk to them WHEN you want. not SM. unbelivable. and you have rights to call your X any time you want on whatever phone number. I am furious, this woman is crazy!!!

I am so glad that someone else sees how manipulating SM is. I wish that ex could see that and maybe now he finally has gotten tired of being controlled by SM. I have just tried to avoid issues to make life easier because my parents divorced when I was young and they fought constantly. I do not want to make my DS have to live with what I lived through so therefore I put up with A LOT to make things easier on him. I cannot keep her away from DS as long as she is married to ex so I figured that I might as well make the experience as pleasant as I can for DS by not arguing with SM. I try to be the better person for him.

I'm right there in the boat with Fine - that is nuts! I do most of the talking with DH's ex because she 'likes' me more, not because I insist on it or even want to! You have every right to speak to the father of your child when ever you need, as well as his parents. This woman has no right to control who you talk to and see. I understand that keeping her happy is likely easier on DS, but come on! He is YOUR child. I really think you need to stand up for yourself, and your son, put your foot down and end this madness. Tell this woman to put a sock in it, that you will do whatever you need to provide the best situation for your son during this time, and that is not for her to control. Then do it. Good luck.

Have you considered just calling your XILs to tell them you heard that your child's father was separated from his current wife and he might be staying with them and ask if you could speak to him...or at the very least could they give you his cell number or have him call you. I suppose you could contact him at work as a last resort. If he doesn't want you to contact him there, then he needs to give you another means of doing so.

I'm in the camp where you and your XH are the child's parents and it is up to you to decide when, where and how often your child sees his father...unless and until your XH reconciles with his current wife, she really has no say in this particular matter. If she wants use her child to play power games with her husband, fine...but you can take your son & yourself out of the middle of that drama.

Keep us posted.

The last two nights DS has spent the night with the ex-inlaws and his father.He has had so much fun reconnecting with his dad's family who he never gets to see anymore. But this morning I got an email telling me, not asking mind you, from the SM that DS would be spending the night with her and that I could pick DS up in the morning for his guitar lessons at her house as normal and that ex would be picking DS up along with half-sister sometime tomorrow evening for the night and then spend Father's Day with the two of them then SM would bring DS home at normal time on Sunday evening. Do you think that SM wants to keep me and ex apart or what??? Anyway, I responded with an email stating that I would prefer that if DS is not spending night with ex that DS come home and that DS can be just as easily picked up at my house and not hers. SM informed me that she and ex made arrangements and they had it all worked out. SM then told me that it was her business and she did not have to tell me anything. But I informed her that it was not her arrangements to be made as far as who was keeping DS and that I should have been informed. I told her that the issues of the split were her business and that was fine because I honestly know that ex will never change and I know just enough to figure out what is going on but either she or ex had the responsibility of telling me, as DS mother, where DS would be staying and with who. SM has now turned this around to be me attacking her that she is suddenly after 10 years not fit to keep DS--which is not the issue but I can only restate the issue so many times before I just throw my hands in the air and give up. Then she said that I should not be so selfish and let kids continue as before. The problem that I have with that is her daughter will be continuing as before but DS will not. The half-sister will continue to move between her own house with her mother to her grandparents with her father. While DS will be staying with SM while his father is living somewhere else. Yes, that is where DS has stayed for almost 10 years but why would it continue if ex is not there??? Explain to me how this is thinking about both kids equally. So if anyone is being selfish, it is SM on her daughter's part and not thinking about DS at all. SM then told me that I have caused bad blood with her and do not need to speak to her again. I emailed her back explaining once again my case and told her that I hope that one day when the emotions are not running so high that she will be able to look at this from my side and I left it at that. But I am glad that I finally stood my ground for DS instead of continuing to let her control the situation. I have no idea how things will be if ex and her get back together soon but as I keep trying to explain it is nothing against her but what is best for DS. I honestly believe that DS is better off with ex and SM together because I worry that if ex gets out on his own that ex will neglect time with both kids. But SM is turning this completely around on her and that is not what this is about. I understand that emotions are high right now so I am going to back off but I will stand my ground for DS. I know that her daughter worships DS but I am not responsible for half sister only DS and I cannot help that they have a daughter also. SM will do her best to protect their daughter just as I am doing my best to protect DS. Maybe if they do not get back together one day we will be able to be sort of friends again and get the kids together if ex does not. But I have no idea what is going to happen yet and right now she is hurting so I will just let it go. I just thought I would let everyone know that I have finally stood my ground.

hubby and babysitter (he's 14 right?) are gone .... she'll be stuck home with her daughter. She will have to entertain her kid ...

Kid goes where dad is ... if dad's not there neither is kid.

I am glad that you said what you feel. I honestly think you should insist that DS is either with you or wiht father or grandparents, not SM. She has no legal rights to make any arrangements in regards to your son, she can ask a permission and if you say no she must back off.

Yes SM wants to control the situation by keeping your son at her house and making sure that X does not see you. By making X picking up your son from her house she ensures that X never gets to see you and that she is the one in control of both children! One of these children is not hers!!!

I am all for letting things go and often kept my mouth shut for the sake of DD. But if my DD's SM would insist that DD stays wiht her and is picked up from her house not mine, I would make a big deal out of it. Especailly if SM would be as rude and obnoxious as this one. You ought to get a hold of X and tell him this is not going to continue. If SM keeps insisting then maybe you should address it wiht a lawyer. This story makes me mad.

Your son is not SM's business but yours and X's.

pseudo, completely agree. SM is bored and lonely and uses 14-year-old boy to make her feel better. I actually think that OP is too nice in this situation. Like i said I let X do whatever as long as DD was happy, but in this situation i would drive to SM's house right that night and take my kid HOME. Since dad does not live there, SM's place is not DS's home anymore.

"But if my DD's SM would insist that DD stays wiht her and is picked up from her house not mine, I would make a big deal out of it. Especailly if SM would be as rude and obnoxious as this one."

I completely agree! Way to go Almost for not giving in and standing up for your son.

Way to go, Almost! Never feel badly for sticking up for your son. Maybe it's best that he see her, maybe it isn't . . .but that isn't her call to make. SD has been *with* me for 10 years and I've been the custodial SM for 8, but I would never dream of telling her mom what she can and can not do with her daughter as if I had more say than she did. I leave that to DH. :-)

I'm also glad you've stood up for yourself and your son about where he stays.
I think it would probably be OK if he continued to see SM (like go over there for supper, or go to a movie with her and his sister, etc) but I also don't really think he needs to be spending the night over there. FD said it well: "she can ask a permission and if you say no she must back off."

You are right. I would never dream of keeping DS completely away from either SM or half sister on a permanent basis. I know that they are important in DS life. But I have already heard how SM informed DS about issues of split like she was trying to get DS to be on her side. And I truly believe that no matter how big of an a$$ ex is that ex is still DS father and that is who DS should be with. I did get an apology email from SM assuming that it would be okay for her to keep DS but then SM turned it back around that this is all issues with her personally and that is why I will not let DS stay. I have told her three different times that issue is not her personally at all and that in 10 years I have never said no to her being with DS. But I do not think that is where DS needs to be right now while things are ugly. And I am honestly tired of trying to convince her that it has nothing to do with her personally but just the situation that they are in. She is an emotional wreck right now and I just hope that when she gets her life right that things will be at least civil between the two of us. She has promised there to be "bad blood" between the two of us now that I have stood up for DS. I do feel bad for contributing to her stress but I have to do what I have to do for DS.

when X left his 2nd wife, DD felt bad for her (also 10 years of marriage) and she went to visit SM and had dinner. When DD stays with dad in dad's town, she visits SM. But other than that she sees her brother at dads. I would be rather surprised if DD would want to cut off contacts, it would be wrong. She is the mother of DD's brother. Overall this sucks big time. I guess maybe it is good I never remarried, at least i don't have to put my kid through 2nd divorce the way my X and OP's X do. :(

Whoa! That's crazy.

I can kind of understand the SM wanting to keep things 'normal' if they are working things out and possibly/probably getting back together after a short break, but this SM is trying to take WAY too much control, and also the way she's doing it is just so aggressive and controlling.

Perhaps if she showed you some respect and asked you nicely if you wouldn't mind the existing arrangements continuing on a temporary basis to cause less disruption for your child, then that's one thing - you could decide from there, as the mother, how you felt about that. But to TELL you, and then to get aggressive about it, even if she is an emotional wreck - that's just so wrong.

It's SM's like this that give others a bad name. Good for you for standing up for your child.

Things have gotten crazy and out of control at the moment. A week ago Friday I agreed to meet with SM to go for a walk and talk about what is going on with kids and ex. SM is insisting that none of this is her fault and it is all the craziness of ex. Ex was taking meds for anger management issues and after feeling very depressed while on them, he suddenly quit taking them after moments of severe depression that included threatening suicide. The rest of the story of how things have happened have reminded me of how things were eleven years ago between ex and I. Things were not great but did I think they were bad enough that he would go home for a visit and come back telling me that he wanted a divorce?? No. Anyway, to make a long story short, I told her that as much as I feel her pain that I cannot be involved with this and that I never should have let her convince me to meet with her the first time. I thought that by understanding what was going on that I could be more supportive to DS. But in the end, it has made a lot of pain and bitterness that I never want to feel again resurface. I will admit, in many ways, I truly want her to feel the pain that she caused me but I do not want to be that bitter person anymore because I know that I am better than that and I deserve more than that in life. I was so bitter and hurt and angry for so long and now I feel free but bringing it all back has not been easy for me. I know that it is wrong to wish them the worst and I should forgive and forget and I have managed to do that for so long. I am trying to do that but I cannot as long as she is pretending to confide in me about what is going on. I do not think that she is being totally truthful about the whole thing anyway but passing the blame onto ex completely when I know from DS how often they fight and how SM hired a private investigator that caught ex with another woman. And I know that this woman was not the first nor probably the last. Anyway, now the SM is taking this that I have been nice to her for all these years only to find out that I have wanted ex back the entire time. For many years I was not nice but realized that I was only feeding the anger inside of me and making things worse on DS. So I learned to let it go and that the problem was not with me but ultimately the lying, cheating @$$ that I was married to. I have tried repeatedly to tell SM that I know exactly what ex is and I would never live through that again but SM still insists that if I did not want ex back that I would not be feeling all of these emotions. I told her that in ten years after ex broke her heart to try to listen to the new soon to be ex SM telling her about how the ex is doing the same thing again and try not to relive all of the pain that she experienced the first time (this was just the first time that I let my anger get a little out of control). Then she had the nerve to tell me that she thought that so many years ago that ex and I were separated when they got together. I had to call BS on that one because 1) she was calling my house until I had the phone disconnected because I was tired of getting hang ups when I was home and she thought that I was supposed to be at work and 2) my ex SIL covered for them and she knew we were not separated. After I found out for sure that she was TOW, I confronted SIL who told me everything. SIL felt bad for me and was truly beginning to realize the situation for what it was and SM for what she was. So after SM has continued to deny this, I hit the roof and told her more or less that she was getting exactly what she deserved finally after all of these years and that she was realizing that there was finally another SM in the works just like she was at one time. Not pretty!!! I am not sure that I truly want anyone to have to experience what I went through but I spoke before I thought about what I was saying out of anger. But it truly felt good to vent to one who caused so much pain in my life after all of these years. SM told me that she did not understand why after all of this time that I was finally telling her about this. But then I asked her when as she was sleeping with my husband did the three of us ever sit and include me in any conversations to figure out both sides of the story. So this all happened yesterday at the end of the day and I have heard nothing from SM or ex today but DS is supposed to go to ex's house for the night this afternoon. I would never repeat what happened or was said to DS but ex thinks (or so SM told me) that I will turn DS against him through all of this. I have told ex that ultimately I can think whatever I want about ex but I will not push my feelings onto DS. And I will not. DS knows the truth about what happened but I also told DS that I do not think that even if SM had not been in picture that eventually we would have split because we were young and dumb and were not ready to fight for our relationship. Time changes a person and I believe that I am a better person now but I feel that young, immature, scared, insecure woman resurfacing through all of this and I do not want to go there again. And I am not going to let ex and SM take me back there.

so sorry, it was selfish of SM to even talk to you about all that. sorry but she got what she deserved. and you are too nice to her lol focus on what benefits your child and you, not ex and his multiple bimbos. take care of yourself and your son and let them deal with their mess.

What kind of person goes and confides in the first wife? Let alone the fact that SHE is the one that helped break up the marriage? She's got to be fishing for sympathy. Maybe her family doesn't feel sorry enough for her. Good for you for being straight-forward with her. And I agree with FD that she got what she deserved.

SM has always tried hard to befriend me through the years. I could never figure out if it was out of guilt or to keep an eye on me. I have tried to be friends but I have never truly trusted her. But, how do you trust the woman that your husband was having an affair with??? I felt a little guilty after letting out my frustrations on her. I know that she probably confronted ex with what I said and once again will swear to all of the lies that he told to try to justify what he did. But I am okay with it. I actually feel better for having let her know how she has made me feel for so long. I let ex know what I thought of him years ago but I stayed away from her. By the time that I got over the bitterness, I just decided to be the bigger person and not say anything to her and try to get along for DS. I worry about how this will affect DS should they reconcile but I guess that I will cross that bridge when I come to it. I truly believe that there is another TOW already but I do not know if this is the one that will send him out the door for good and into another relationship as he has done in the past. Wow, I am just glad that it is not me this time.