After 40 Years. Worth it? Yup!

mxyplx

2nd marriage for both. Children from both. Commitment to each other total. But marriage? Were we scared? Sh*tless!

She saw a marriage counselor who suggested we both read MC books. We did. Lots of em. Every combination imaginable. Books by men or women for men marrying women with kids; books by men and women for women marrying men with kids, both with kids, childless marrying single parents..... you name it we studied it. We traded books. Discussed everything. Hands in each others pants. Traded notes, wrote letters.

I learned a lot about my 1st marriage and whats more changed from thinking I wasn't fit for human consumption to knowing I could make a go of another marriage. We went into it with confidence and our eyes wide open not just hoping for the best.

No problem we settled before marriage has ever come between us. Our first ever argument occurred after the marriage and was settled with her sitting on my lap with our arms around each other so the air got cleared but the love kept flowing. We've never had a disagreement but one of us has apologized afterwards - always accepted. 42 years together and never one single solitary lie. Not one! When we asked her Pastor to marry us he said something I've never forgotten, "When you are married you must think in terms of 'us' not 'me'."


Have problems occurred since the marriage? Of course. Did they put cracks in the marriage? No they did not. Why? Because we had the tools to tackle them which we did as a team; because we wanted to; cause we were 'us'.

1. If you fight before marriage you will fight during the marriage.
2. Regardless of age if step children don't want the marriage to work it will fail.
3. If the parents do not present a united front the family will cease to exist.


I sincerely hope this will help someone see that potential problems may be identified, anticipated, tackled and possibly solved before they occur. Emphasis on may and possibly. The outcome may be a parting of the ways. But that is a solution isn't it?

My step chilluns and families would do anything for me. My SD (now 50+) is my chief confidant. Half hour prior to her wedding she told me she wished it was me instead of her father walking her down the aisle*. She drove 340 miles to tell me personally instead of a phone call she was pregnant with her first. (Hugs all around). Believe me it wasn't all luck. There were rough spots but thru the entire time ALL of us wanted it to work.

Although SW has Alzheimers now and it's a crushing load there is support and I am not alone.

*Glad I didn't. That's one hell of a long walk. :-/
=================
Why did I read and post on this forum? Pure sloth. My desk is piled high with stuff that needs doing and I just can't face it.

I hope you have enjoyed this post in place of the usual tale of woe.

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Comments (4)
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southernsummer

Mxyplx,

That was a beautiful tribute to your family.

Thank you for posting.

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suzieque

I am completely impressed and filled with your message. How mature, loving, forgiving, and accepting of you all. Kudos to the whole family.

And thank you for the best thing I've read in a long time.

Suzieque

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dotz_gw

M Enjoyed your post too, congrats on navigating thru all these years and coming out on top!!! However, I have to disagree with no. 2 on your list..That if the Sks don't want it to work, it wont....Solid marriage here in spite of one of mine, and one of his disapproving...I think its because both of us are in charge of our lives, not our kids...I always remember the poster here who said "There may be problems around us, but not between us"..We are in it for the long haul, with or without their approval...Again, congrats on a happy success story!!!!

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stepmomofthree

Mxypix,

You set a very good example for everyone who is married, or is contemplating getting married. Thank you for posting it (although it makes me a little sad to see how far short my own marriage fell from the standard you set).

So3

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