After 40 Years. Worth it? Yup!
2nd marriage for both. Children from both. Commitment to each other total. But marriage? Were we scared? Sh*tless!
She saw a marriage counselor who suggested we both read MC books. We did. Lots of em. Every combination imaginable. Books by men or women for men marrying women with kids; books by men and women for women marrying men with kids, both with kids, childless marrying single parents..... you name it we studied it. We traded books. Discussed everything. Hands in each others pants. Traded notes, wrote letters.
I learned a lot about my 1st marriage and whats more changed from thinking I wasn't fit for human consumption to knowing I could make a go of another marriage. We went into it with confidence and our eyes wide open not just hoping for the best.
No problem we settled before marriage has ever come between us. Our first ever argument occurred after the marriage and was settled with her sitting on my lap with our arms around each other so the air got cleared but the love kept flowing. We've never had a disagreement but one of us has apologized afterwards - always accepted. 42 years together and never one single solitary lie. Not one! When we asked her Pastor to marry us he said something I've never forgotten, "When you are married you must think in terms of 'us' not 'me'."
Have problems occurred since the marriage? Of course. Did they put cracks in the marriage? No they did not. Why? Because we had the tools to tackle them which we did as a team; because we wanted to; cause we were 'us'.
1. If you fight before marriage you will fight during the marriage.
2. Regardless of age if step children don't want the marriage to work it will fail.
3. If the parents do not present a united front the family will cease to exist.
I sincerely hope this will help someone see that potential problems may be identified, anticipated, tackled and possibly solved before they occur. Emphasis on may and possibly. The outcome may be a parting of the ways. But that is a solution isn't it?
My step chilluns and families would do anything for me. My SD (now 50+) is my chief confidant. Half hour prior to her wedding she told me she wished it was me instead of her father walking her down the aisle*. She drove 340 miles to tell me personally instead of a phone call she was pregnant with her first. (Hugs all around). Believe me it wasn't all luck. There were rough spots but thru the entire time ALL of us wanted it to work.
Although SW has Alzheimers now and it's a crushing load there is support and I am not alone.
*Glad I didn't. That's one hell of a long walk. :-/
Why did I read and post on this forum? Pure sloth. My desk is piled high with stuff that needs doing and I just can't face it.
I hope you have enjoyed this post in place of the usual tale of woe.