DLM, I think that you will never be sorry to have kept them. To keep them from being seen as "clutter" after you're gone, get them them properly packed and stored and then pick the right person to have custody of them for the next generation. It may be one of your DIL, or if you have nieces or nephews, perhaps one of them. I'd choose someone who appreciates family stories, and who would be a good - and generous with access -custodian of shared family history. In my DH's family when I got engaged there was a small family gathering,(mostly female) and the wedding dresses and some other family wedding memorabilia were sort of the organizing theme for the party. It was a great way to meet my some of my in-laws-to-be and feel included in my new family's story, Since my engagement diamond was re-set from an family piece, everyone wanted to see it in my new ring. It was a lovely tradition and I plan to do it when my nephew finally settles on a bride - even if it seems a bit old fashioned. What else is an elderly aunt for? Many times I hear people express a bit of envy that in my family and in my DH's we have so many "heirlooms" from generations gone by. Some things have by sheer old age have now become valuable, but most still have only modest monetary value. But they all tell the stories of the family - sometimes in modest circustances and sometimes not. Each succeeding generation chose to take care of these items and pass them on,probably always at some cost of in terms of time, trouble, or even perhaps the forgone value of selling them. This speaks volumes about the values cherished and passed down in our families. And that alone is worth the effort preserving these things as totems of the clan. Anyone can start one's own chain of family hierlooms, today. It has to start somewhere. L.

You write, “I have not asked her anything. We discussed aspects of things of this nature years ago and for the most part she agreed at the time. Maybe she still does? Maybe she changed? Maybe she never really meant it? I don't know. But I have said nothing to her about this since she brought up being a bridesmaid months ago.” i am confused. This is so important to you, but when she told you about being a bridesmaid, you said nothing. Months passed and you said nothing. The wedding is tomorrow, and you’ve still said nothing. Nor have you confirmed what you hoped she feels about this. What‘s the plan here? Just let her think everything’s fine, and then she comes home from the wedding to find you gone for good, with no warning? This sounds like a pretty sneaky test. It’s one thing to ask that she make sacrifices for your feelings. It’s quite another to require that she read your mind as well. You talk about a “clear” line -- how clear can it be to her if you haven’t said a word? It is baffling that in all these months you never told her how you felt, how important this is to you, that you really don’t want her to be in this wedding. Even if you tell her now, with just hours to go before the wedding, you are putting her in an impossible spot. You never just asked for what you want and need. You never gave her a chance to succeed. That’s what loving spouses do. Which terrible outcome are you hoping for? That she will read your mind (or listen to an eleventh-hour ultimatum — because that’s exactly what it would be) and back out of the wedding, which will make everyone she knows think forever that you are a world-class controlling jerk? Or that you will have an excuse to walk out? Those are the only two outcomes you have set up. I strongly encourage you to consider a third: accept that your wife is going to be in the wedding and attend graciously without complaint as her escort. If you don’t think you could pull that off, then plead illness and stay home — a very rude thing to do, but much better than spoiling someone's wedding. Next time, you can talk it over first, and maybe get a pleasant surprise. It wouldn‘t mean your feelings and opinions are wrong at all. It’s just being a loving and caring grownup spouse, and playing fair.

You know what Patty, if it isn't meaningful to you then don't do it. There are a lot of wedding traditions I think are plain dumb (throwing the bouquet, the garter, the cheesy way the wedding party is usually introduced) that I chose not to do. Purpose? How much of it really has a purpose? Why wear a white dress, a veil? Why do any of it? Just go to City Hall and exchange vows. Or don't get married at all, what's the purpose of that? In my case, making my father happy is purpose enough for me. Every wedding I attended between 1986 and 2007 the father walked the bride down the aisle, except in the few cases where the father had passed away. These brides ranged in age from 21 to 38. I went to a few wedding where the bride was older and it was a second or third marriage. In those cases the fathers had all passed away. The bride was escorted by her son in one case. What's the purpose of that? I doubt very much that the father walking the bride down the aisle is a "local phemonenon" here, especially since I live in an area where women are highly educated and often don't change their names (as I didn't).

We had so much food. The island in the middle, and against the wall was filled with casseroles, rollups, salads, and mango shrimp. Too much to sample everything. They loved my homemade pita chips with the buffalo chicken dip and the cheese pops.