Wow, I'm south of Boston and keeping that in my bookmarks. I have some ideas lol.

I have to say that I hate the way etiquette is changing. It's hard for those of us that used to do things by the book. At some point; in this electronic world.. etiquette has been lost. If I was the bride; I would have given at least a phone call; as well as a thank you card.. something because it sounds like you're close to the bride & her family. I don't know if the MOH is related. I'd try to be patient for when the bride sends thank you cards for the wedding. I hope she includes the cabin & if not; I think that's when I'd start getting hurt over it. You mention the cabin was cleaned but also that it's since been sold; would you have had to clean it to list it? I understand you did extra work for their event & agree that could factor in the wedding gift. Times are tough- they wanted your cabin to save someone money & I would have said something to the effect that it would be my wedding gift to the couple & spelled it out from the beginning.

If I'm understanding you correctly, it's not so much about the title as it is about the idea that there is one special person who is sort of responsible for all the things that an MOH would normally be responsible for, both at the wedding and in the days leading up to it. I think you have some options here. You can assign one of your other bridesmaids to step in and take those duties. You can split those duties among all your other bridesmaids. You can ask a family member who is close but not already in the wedding to take those duties. You can do any of the above without actually calling someone "maid of honor". If you're worried about having an even number of bridesmaids and groomsmen, I think that your friend would understand and not feel bad that you asked another person to stand up for you. These days, though, anything goes. I've seen weddings with lopsided attendants and it was just fine. Unless you're printing a program (I guess that's almost the norm these days?) no one will even know if you have a MOH or not, they'll just see the attendants standing up there. Even if you do have a program and just name your absent friend as MOH, again, no big deal. The thing is, there just aren't any "rules" about these things. If you want to have two or more or no MOHs, who's going to tell you not to? It's all about what makes you comfortable as long as those attendants are all on board.

So in a nutshell, a frugal wedding can be done if you have the cooperation of family and friends and organization on your part. A trick I learned from an event planner--Visualize exactly what you want it to look like and then work backwards to make it happen. borrow as much as you can. Need a fridge in the barn? borrow one. Some people have extras in their garages and don't know what to do with them. A stove to warm things up? borrow. People love to help. Remember to show your appreciation. A mention at the reception or a written thank you. Put the whole thing on paper, from when you arrive at the farm to the ceremony, cocktail hour, reception. all the activities, all the cooking times, when this happens, when that happens. It will give you an idea of what you need, when and where. Invitations--colored paper and envelopes, save the date postcards, card stock, get four out of each piece, thank you's from walmart--or make them yourself, more heartfelt. Clothing--clearance racks, used or borrowed. For the guys, kahki pants and nice shirts and ties that match. (JC Penney) Forget the Tux or suit. Decor--flowers from fields in your area, twigs, grasses and grocery store florists. Make it yourself, many books out there on how to do it. This might even be an idea for your boquets and boutteniers...forget the tulle or use very little. Ribbon is big now. Twinkle lights, fairy lights--I just bought 20 boxes of white Christmas lights for .60$ each after the holidays. Reception--biggest expense. Everything make ahead. Pork loin, Chicken Breasts, a Turkey. Everything paper or plastic, good quality. Make your cake or grocery bakery. rent tables, chairs and tablecloths, you can use the chairs for the ceremony too. Boxed White Zin wine (it's what restaurants use?!, you can cover the boxes with pretty paper), beer kegs, appetizers, chips and dip from Sams or Costco. bottled water and pop. Don't forget cleanup. Maybe the Dad's can bartend? I'd find a couple to "host" the cocktail hour just to make sure things get done (music, food, make sure people are taken care of) and go like you want them to go. Remember, you will be taking pictures and the Mom's will be getting dinner out and the Dad's will be bartending, maybe....get everybody in place before the event, don't wait till the last minute. Always have a plan B for most everything. Have a little money to spend? have a square dance caller and the square dance club out to your place for entertainment and for fun. What would be more appropriate for a farm wedding? OK, these are just ideas, they can't all be solid gold. Make sure you have enough lighting in the barn and around the yard. Can you use square haybales for seating somehow outside the barn? or even inside. Not everyone is going to want to stay indoors if it's nice outside. Music--recorded ahead of time in the order you want it played. Your fiance may like to do this but find someone who can press play and pause for you and doesn't mind doing it all night long, make sure he or she gets a break once in a while during the evening. If you can't afford an MC, maybe you have an outgoing friend who wouldn't mind getting up and announcing activities for you. Don't depend on things flowing smoothly by themselves, have someone in place to help it along. And just a side note--I gradated from college three yrs ago and have yet to pay on my loans due to deferments. They will work with you for a long time.