Jane - it's not uncommon for someone to make unsupportable statements, then treat them as fact and build an entire case around them. It happens on every active forum every day of every week. I'd like to take 4 paragraphs you wrote and use them to illustrate the difference in how we think. Your offerings are in bold and I'll comment intermittently. I have seen more underlit plants than I care to mention. Those plants lanquish and eventually decline. Plants growing in light that limits their potential ("underlit plants") needn't necessarily be in decline. Decline is a condition during which a plant is using more energy than it's able to produce - nothing more than that. It's entirely possible, and it happens very often, that a plant we might consider unsightly due to it having received less light than it needs to keep it looking good (from our POV), is able to sustain life and growth under light conditions insufficient to keep it looking as attractive as we would like - indefinitely, as long as it's life span isn't limited by the fact the plant is an annual or biennial, or by other potentially limiting cultural factors. Many people mistake the label, 'low-light plant' or 'shade,' without realizing how much light is lost by having a plant too far from a window. If a plant stops growing, it is not producing roots which uptake water. Without growth doesn't matter what a plant is in. I promote light first and foremost. First, "A[ny] plant that is not growing is dying" ~ Alex Shigo, PhD; this, because growth is a byproduct of the plant's ability to make more food than it needs to keep its systems orderly. A plant that is too far from a window to keep it looking healthy can still be growing and producing roots. Even if the top of the plant seems to have stalled, the roots can still be growing because root growth always precedes top growth. Also, it does matter "what a plant is in" if it's not growing because in most cases a lack of growth is directly linked to inhibited root function, which is very often related to limitations inherent in poor media. I have no argument with your recommendations to people who choose to use a grit mix. I think its good. But the majority of people who have multiple house plants are not going through the effort to put it together. A very quick scan of any of several fora will clearly illustrate otherwise. They will just continue to stick their plants in Miracle Grow. This is also untrue. While you focus on labels like the gritty mix and the 5:1:1 mix, I focus on helping others implement a concept, the effectiveness of which you can't question because you regularly note it's superior to methods you use. Growers implement the concepts I espouse with great regularity - primarily because it makes so much sense to do so. I suggest a alternative using bark or perlite to keep the mix from clumping and enhancing the drainage. Drainage isn't enhanced to a notable degree until the threshold that's been described in many conversations is reached. It occurs when there aren't enough fine particles to fill potential air spaces between larger particles (the BBs and sand analogy). And how is a 1:1:1 ratio of bark: peat or potting soil: perlite better at preventing "clumping", something I've never had to deal with. These same people are not going to get involved in perched water. This is very important: They ARE involved with perched water. If your medium supports it, you're involved with it in a direct relationship based on how much of it there is. I'm sure to your eyes and ears this is horrifying. Not at all - I'm a realist. But it is what I deal with on a daily basis with both orchids and house plants. Its my reality and I have found my alternative is simple enough for them to follow. It is also less expensive for them. It takes exactly the same amount of thought and effort to locate and mix the ingredients for the 5:1:1 mix as it does for the 1:1:1 mix you suggest because the ingredients are exactly the same - they're equally simple mixes. The 5:1:1 mix is actually LESS expensive because it utilizes a larger fraction of low-priced pine bark and a smaller fraction of higher-priced potting soil ..... and it's lighter. My plants do not seem to have a problem with perched water. As I noted previously, they DO have a problem with perched water, in that it is sapping potential. You might be perfectly happy with the state of your plant's vitality, but you can be sure that anything that limits the roots oxygen supply limits root function limits the plant and robs potential. We all know the 5:1:1 mix supports some perched water and that the 5:1:1 mix already includes some compromise to extend watering intervals. Therefore, it would be unreasonable to ask growers to believe that a medium with a much higher volume of fine particulates doesn't hold perched water and that the perched water it does hold has no impact on the root system's ability to function w/o limitation. As I said, the roots fill the base of the pot and will grow out the drain holes. I would think that would not happen in a mix holding too much water. Why would you think that? When the soil dries sufficiently, more or less normal root growth resumes, and some roots will grow outside of the pot. When roots die from hypoxic conditions, it's always the finest roots that die first - the ones that do all (ok - 90%+) of the work. The most significant loss is in the constant death and regeneration of the finer, nearly microscopic roots. To replace the roots killed by soggy soils (so the plant can return to 'normal' function) is an expensive outlay in terms of energy - energy that would otherwise have been directed toward more blooms, fruit, longer branches, more leaves, or a simple increase in biomass. IOW - lost potential. The roots would rot and would not grow into the base of the pot. Roots DO rot and die, it just happens that it's the fine roots that easily get overlooked that take the hit. That is not what happens. It actually IS what happens, but this is another case of someone floating an explanation that doesn't fit the observation in order to refute something we know to be true. Perched water IS limiting and the more you have the greater the limitation(s). I hope everyone is enjoying their Saturday - raining off & on again here in mid-MI. Al

This is such a complicated problem. There are going to be hurt feelings all over the place. I know that it hurts BM for her daughter to want to leave, but it's not like she didn't see it coming in plenty of time to mentally and emotionally prepare herself for it. You have stated that SD has said she has always wanted to move to your home for high school. BM should be preparing for this. My son's BD has been "conditioning" him to come live with him when he turns 12. In Texas (where we live), children can fill out an affidavit stating which parent they wish to live with, but it is ultimately up to the courts. Just because he "wants" to go live with dad doesn't mean the courts will think it's the best situation for him. Anyway, I have been steeling myself for this for a couple of years now and he's only 9. I still have 3 years before this is even possible. But I know that my DS wants to share time with his dad, whether I like it or not. BM needs to realize that she does not have a monopoly on SD's raising and sometimes she has to let go. Hard.....I know and it probably seems impossible. Just being candid, I know how hard it is to NOT "coach" your children into what to say to the other parent. So many times I've wanted to tell my DS what to say to BD because it might keep the peace or make me right about something. But I've always stopped myself because I don't want my son to ever have a reason to be mad at me. Sometimes DS will say "Dad lied about that" or "You don't have to cover, I know he lied". They know when their parents are lying and I think it's hillarious that a parent thinks she can tell a 15 y/o to lie. She's got to know that she's old enough and smart enough to see whats going on. As far as discussing these things with the children, I think that you have to guage each children's maturity level individually. My DS is 9 and FSD is 13. DS is WAY more mature emotionally than FSD, even with 4 years separating. FSD refuses to stay home alone for any reason and freaks out. DS is ready to stay home alone (which he does not do yet). We've been teaching him about safety and what to do in certain situations. FSD won't even hear about it. She begs to not be left at home alone even though she is of age. She is just not mature. My BF made the mistake of telling her that the puppy (who was only 8 weeks old) has round worms, which is normal for every puppy. She flipped out, told her mom the dog had RING worm (definitely not the same thing) and wouldn't touch the dog for 2 weeks. We even took her to the vet and had the vet tell her the facts about round worm (that it's hard for people to get and that almost every puppy has it). She still wouldn't touch the dog. We told DS and he asked 1 question: "Can I get it?" We told him the truth and he went on with everything as normal. Hugging and playing with the dog. So we know what we can discuss with FSD and what we can't and the same for DS. No matter how hard a family tries, the kids are always put in the middle of different ways of parenting. It's just so much more pronounced in divorced families. I wish you all the best at your meeting and that this will all work out smoothly! (Sorry for the long post)

Welcome, adaisy! There are several of us Floridians here. I'm a beginning mosaic addict from over in Deltona area... but there are several others on the west coast side. Actually DH and I are headed to St. Pete next weekend for a music camp. Maybe one day all of us central FL gals can get together for lunch and shopping! Again... welcome!

It says the parents will have joint legal custody and share in the responsibility and confer in good faith on matters concerning health, education, & welfare of the child. The parents must confer in making decisions on the following matters: Enrollment in or leaving a particular private or public school or daycare center. Out of Country or Out of State travel. In all other matters in exercising joint legal custody, the parents may act alone, as long as the action does not conflict with any orders concerning the physical custody of the children. There is also a 'special decision making' section that reads: The father will be responsible for making decisions regarding the following: 1. Participation in school & extra curricular activities during the school year. 2. Non major or routine medical care. (Of course, the activities cannot be on BM's time, and apparently she has a problem with medical care on her time too) That's all it says regarding decision making, so he really can't tell her anything. He has primary physical custody & BM has three weekends a month, so it isn't any different than a non custodial father taking his child to get their hair chopped off... my oldest son's father did that several times to piss me off. When me would send my son back with a knit beanie, I knew what he'd done. He even had little lines shaved into the side, just above my son's ears. The result ended up that my son was teased because the kids in my son's school thought it was weird. It was a trend in the town where my son's father lived but had not been picked up here by the kids and he was made fun of for being different. In my SD's case, (or maybe moreso when it comes to girls just because they usually care more about their looks than boys do, in my experience anyways) it should be on the person that has primary responsibility for the care of the child since it would be easy for a NCP to take a kid to get a high maintenance hairstyle and then they expect the CP to keep it maintained? It's really not fair to expect the CP to now have to buy special hair products or spend extra time to maintain a style that the NCP wanted and only sees a couple of times a month. With older kids, it would be on the kid to maintain it themselves, but it was a challenge to teach my SD how to pull her hair into ponytail... that's why DH took her to get it layered. She didn't want to wear a ponytail but it was the only way to keep it from looking like she didn't comb it. I don't have time to flat iron it in the morning and she said she loved it layered. Maybe she is just going along with both parents and who knows what the hell she wants? All I know is that now it's going to take extra work to send her off looking presentable and I have to listen to DH complain about it.