I am just starting to plan a trip to Arizona to visit my 1st SD33 in February. She will be getting married this month in Hawaii. It will be after the holiday rush and by then I will be really tired of the winter here. I live in Nebraska. I won't go unless I can stay in a hotel. I need my space especially with my pain issues. I will have a new grandson, now 4, so it will be nice to meet him and spend a few days playing grandma. It'll also give me time alone. I emailed SD last night and tossed out my plans to see if that will work with them. Having the disability that I do can keep me in my room for days. With the winter approaching I know that I have to have a plan. I usually put myself last on the list and I have to change that. Life is not very pleasant when it's all about what everyone else needs. I really need some refreshing. I think I need to come up with some things before then too. I don't see my friends very much any more and I miss them. Just a weekend away would do wonders...I would love to go alone. My DD's BF manages a hotel in town so I should see if he can hook me up. It would be great to go with DH but we have no one to watch SD10. Dh and I had a date night every week until he started classes. Of cours they fall on the night that we would go out. Now he has so much reading to do that we hardly spend any time together and when we do he falls asleep. That gets old. We've been married for 3 years and he acts like it's been 25 sometimes. His idea of romance is changing a light bulb!

"On another thread, Ima said she would fight not to give up her kids. Why does not apply here." It does apply KKNY. A parent should always consider the best interest of their child, not their own interests. The girl in the other post was a troubled 12 year old that mom dropped off with dad. She gave her to dad without a fight and when the child became a very troubled 17 year old, she still allowed the child to live elsewhere instead of taking the responsibility. I think the mother in THAT scenario, is not interested in parenting her child. Of course only one side of the story is known.. but from the information given, that is the perception I got. In this case, I don't fault the mother for not giving up her child. However, when you have a teenager that has valid points and a strong desire to live with dad, and the only reason mom is saying no is because mom is worried about the impact it will have on mom, then she is not considering her child's best interests. She is being selfish and the child may end up resenting her for it. The reason she won't talk to anyone is because she probably knows deep down that her daughter wants this and she doesn't have any 'good' reason for not allowing it. I can understand the mom's pain, but the dad has been without his daughter all those years. Why is his pain in not having his daughter with him not as important as the mother's pain in her daughter leaving? I'm pretty sure the child in the other post resents everyone in her life. She probably feels like she's been thrown away and nobody cares enough to stick with her no matter what. Kids want to know that no matter what they do, their parents will love them unconditionally. Most of us parents DO love our kids unconditionally, but some kids aren't that lucky.

Ronisalair, I really think I need to tell you a few things, and you really need to listen. I don't think you're totally in the wrong here, but I don't think you're right either. Let me tell you a little about me. I had a very bad childhood. Regular beatings from the time I was 3 (my father died of a drug overdose, and my mother was very stressed, so she took it out on me.) When boyfriends came along, and later a husband, she let them hit me too, or feed me beer (forcibly, starting when I was 3 to about 7)and do whatever they wanted. The boyfriend that made me drink alchohol sexually abused me and my mother knew about it. He even left hickies all over my neck when I was 5, but she never did anything to stop him. When I was 11 she married a man who beat me and threw dishes at my head during the day and then came into my bed at night. I moved out at 15, and moved from house to house, school to school, leaving friends. So what I have to say to you comes from somebody who has been in a worse situation than you, and might have some useful information to share. First, you need to learn to take responsibility for your own actions, and stop blaming others. Start trying to do better in school (I can guess what your grades are by your spelling ability) and stop being such a smartass. Yes, your stepfather may be a useless jerk, but in a few years you're going to be out on your own and get a good job and lead a responsible life. Having a bad attitude and little or no education will not help you there, and your landlord is not going to take "My stepfather was so mean to me!" as an excuse as to why your rent is late. How old are you? I thought I read that you're 16, but I'm not sure. If you're 16, you should have a job after school. Even if you're 15, you can file the hardship papers and be able to work, because they give you less hours. That way you can have your own money, and therefore, your own freedom in a sense, because you won't have to ask anybody for money to do this or that, and you'll be able to go pick up your girlfriend and take her out, even if you do move. Third, moving away from your girlfriend may seem like the end of the world now, but it's not. There will be others. Many others. And fourth, you might want to ask your highschool counselor about al-anon. Most schools hold meetings during school once a week, so they'll call you out of class and you can talk with other teenagers with alchoholic parents/stepparents that are in the same boat as you. You can talk about whatever's bothering you.

Lavender_lass, i very much appreciate your input. There is no right answer, as you know. I am trying to find the best solution with how my household (dis)functions, within our budget, within reason for eventual resale. I would try to find another ding and dent special (thats how i got my current frig) if the new frig solved all of my issues (kitchen issues)! But even with that small space saving on the open door depth I still have to think about the person standing in front of the frig looking for cheese sticks, or was it carrots, or yogurt or something .... And its only 5' deep space. I guess it also comes down to my experience now. Currently, I have the traffic to the potty interupting my frig access and its not ideal. Add in traffic from an exterior door eventually .... I just dont know if the gain is worth it for how we cook/live etc. We had a 36" 2dr, cd frig. It didnt work well for us ( and then it just didnt work). The frig is installed more than a foot away from the drm drwy bc of our fat old trim and light switches. As a result, the 36" frig was in the alcove area more than our current 30" frig. It was about 29" deep with handles (and about 27" w/o handles.) You felt that perpindicular wall in your back when you stood you in front of the frig even with the door closed. With the door open it did take up less space than our current frig. With the door open, the current frig, its about 52" deep. The other was about 44" deep with the door open. Yes, 8" is a lot I agree. But we were 6" more into that tight alcove space so it didnt feel like 8" of space. My 6'4 DH took up more space in front of the old frig too bc he would lean back on the wall. Fyi, our current 30" frig holds more stuff than the old frig. Go figure! Fyi, I loved making raviolis with my grandparents when i was a kid. They had less than 2' of counter space between the sink and their range top (the only counternspace). And they had tiny kitchen table jammed in the kitchen with 3 chairs around. If you sat in a chair you blocked the frig or their 1 cabinet from opening all the way. But, it was always warm and smelled delicious. The reason I am trying to be thoughtful about my kitchen redo is that I want a simple space that will allow me to have those memories with my kids: laughing, learning, getting messy, being close, and making good food together. I know its so corny. But I bet thats what your nieces/nephews like about helping you too.