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speaking of names

18 years ago

So today my skids grandparents called them to say hello. At the end of the conversation I heard my stepson (who has not lived with bm since he was about 2) say "so whats

____ (insert bm's name) up to today"!

I was shocked and wondering what the grandparents must have said/thought! We have never referred to his bm by her first name to any of my skids. Whenever we say she called or anything we always say "your mom". So we had no clue what made him say that. My dh told me maybe he just does not associate his bm with being his mother since he was so young when they split and she has been living out of state and rarely calling or seeing the kids even when she lived in state. The older 2 at least remember living with her and remember her doing the mom things. I just thought it was wierd and I almost felt awkward that he referred to her by her first name.

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Comments (4)

imamommy
18 years ago
He may not associate her with 'mom' or he may be doing it intentionally. How old is he?

My daughter is now 18. She started talking to her bio dad several months ago. He told her a couple of lies and she caught him in his lies. Well, before all that, he had told her that he was jealous that she has a stepdad (my DH) that she really likes a lot and gets along with well. When she got angry at Bio Dad because of his lies, the next time he called and asked what she is doing for her birthday and she told her bio dad that she was going to celebrate with her mom, dad (DH), brothers and sister (SD). She intentionally referred to DH as dad to make her bio dad upset. I've seen SD to that to her mom, she will say things to her mom when she's upset with her, like talking a lot of things I do with her, knowing her mom will get upset or hurt. I don't know if she's ever called me mom to her mom, but she sure knows what buttons to push to get her mom to react.

Like I said though, it depend on your SS's age. You are the only mom he's really ever known, I don't think it should be such a big deal. If every acts shocked, he will think it gives him some power and that is when it will become an issue. Once he finds out that calling her by her first name will push someone's button, it's all over. I'd let it go.
mom2emall
Original Author
18 years ago
He did not see our reaction because we were on our deck sitting at our table near the screen door. He was in the kitchen talking and we could hear through the screen door. We just looked at eachother because we both heard it, but it was not till later that me and dh said anything to eachother about it. And we said nothing to my ss about it. ANd he is 5, so I do not think he did it to upset anyone. He loves his grandparents.
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imamommy
18 years ago
Yeah, at 5 he is just not associating her with being 'mom' and that's sad that she doesn't have enough of a relationship for him to associate her with being a mom to him.
helpwiththis
18 years ago
It is pretty obvious that your ss thinks of you as his mom and her as some relative. I guess that is what happens when people have kids and then do not take care of them. Not the child's fault that he calls the one who mothers him mom and the one who is non-exsistant by her first name. Do not feel bad. You did not make him call you mom or call her by her name.

It is bm's mess to fix--not yours. I just hope that she does not make him feel bad about it---as she is the one who should feel badly.

My bet is the grandparents have a suspicion that she is not the best mom and they will not even pass this bit of info onto her. It would only hurt her feelings and why would they want to do that?

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