When my son was younger, we never had a joint party. We each had him alternate years. On years he was with his dad on his actual birthday, I made him a party on the weekend before or after.

Another suggestion would be to have one celebrate on his actual birthday and the other celebrate on his due date. My son was actually born on his due date so that wasn't an option for me.

and he usually got two parties. One was mostly family and the other was schoolmates. When he got older, I would let my kids decide if they wanted a party or go on a weekend trip. We'd go to the beach or mountains or San Francisco for a couple of days and it usually cost what a party would cost. They enjoyed the trips more I think. (we still do the birthday trips)

Most custody plans recommend alternating years for the birthday. It helps to have it in the order, so that the feelings dont get all worked up as the birthday approaches. I would suggest that sometime, when the birthday isnt near, the parents work it out and put it down on paper, so that there is no mistake whose turn it is, or no bad feelings about the fact that there are to be turns. Its hard to do that when its fast approaching though, cuz the emotions are stirred up.

i think it does not matter what day to have a party or dinner or a trip. Mom can have SD on her bnirthday and you can have her a weekend after that. Or vice versa.

on few ocassions when DD was about 6-7 X came to my house and joined the party with all my family and DD's friends. it worked out fine.

Then when DD got older she was with me on her birthdays, but then X celebrated her birthday later or earlier depends when she was with him. DD didn't care much about her birthday so it was fine either way, she never wanted parties.

This year she was at dad's a month after her birthday and they celebrated just fine. I didn't see her on her birthday, had to send a gift by mail. :(

My exH takes the kids out to dinner for their birthday, either before or after the actual day.

We tried a party together once...HA HA HA we'll save that for Sweet Sixteen and Graduation!

We celebrate on whatever weekend falls on ours closest to the B-day. Kids often celebrate their birthday on days other than their birthday anyway, because parties are usually on the weekend. I'd make a special attempt to send her balloons on her special day if you can't have her that day.

My papers say that NCP (BD) gets our son on his actual birthday day for 2 hours from 6PM to 8PM. He'll take him to dinner or something. Sometimes he does and sometimes he just waits until his weekend which is either the weekend after or the weekend before. He never throws a party, bt he'll pop in to the one we are throwing (which I ALWAYS schedule on my weekends only).

ashley, when NCP 'pops' in on the party, does it bother you or is he invited?

My DH has a similar provision in his agreement, that SD is with whoever normally has her on the day her birthday falls on and the other parent has her from 2-6 on the day of her birthday. (essentially from when school is out until 6pm) Due to problems with last years joint party, he decided he'd rather have separate parties. We didn't invite her but were prepared if she dropped by or came anyways. She didn't show up (her mom did though, Her mom came by and made a point of saying she can't stay because she wasn't invited) but I was just curious, since you say you ALWAYS schedule on your weekends only.

and I like the idea of sending balloons or flowers if you can't be there.

LMAO ima,

We ALWAYS send flowers on the years when SD's birthday isnt with us, and we ALWAYS get sh*t from the ex and her husband over it. Ex resents my husband sending flowers to his daughter, because he never used to send her flowers when they were married, and she goes ballistic, every time.

Him popping in used to bother me but it really doesn't anymore. He'll grill our son about his birthday plans and come whether I invite him or not. I don't pay for anything for him. I just figured that's one irritation I just don't need. The funny thing is that he'll bring a gift, but it has to go back to his house afterwards. LOL! I just figure it's his insecurity and that he feels like he has something to prove.

And the reason I capitalized always is because BD is a stickler for the papers. He doesn't give for any reason at all. For example, my brother is in the Navy and had just come home from deployment. We were having a family get-together for him with some other out-of-town family. BD wouldn't let my son come because he wanted to relax that day. We had offered to pick him up and drop him back off and everything. So that is why I never schedule anything on his weekends or even ask him to work with me.

BTW, I'm brand new to posting on here so I haven't really figured out what sets people off. So forgive me if I break any of the unspoken rules. I looked for something to kind of help with the abbreviations and stuff, but I couldn't find anything. I'll get the hang of it :)

We just do a seperate party on whatever day around the actual birthday. That way, my family can come. Also, the girls have alot of friends through daddy and me that do not even know their mother so obviously those kids wouldn't get invited to BioMom's party.

We normally give her the choice of whether or not she wants to do her party on the day of or not. However, if she doesn't get her act together she won't be getting them at all this year. She still hasn't made any moves towards rehab or therapy.......

It really is best to get an alternating schedule set now. We have one, and it works well. As the CP DH and I have thrown the friend party for SD on either the weekend of her b-day or a weekend before/after if she is with her mom. I have always invited mom to the party and most years she has come for some or all of it. It's never been a big deal as not all parties can be on the true day anyway. We then have a dinner with family on our side, and mom has one with her family on hers.

I think it's less about the day and more about the memory you create. You may need to sacrifice the true day this year to set up the alternation, but it sounds like that matters to you guys more than FSD. I know it's hard, but sometimes you have to give in for the good of the order.

It killed me the first birthday that came up where one of my BioD was with my ex-husband. We have seperate family parties for our daughters. We try to do them on our scheduled weekends. On the day of their birthday,(if they are with me) their BioF will take them out to lunch/dinner. And I do the same if the BioDs are with thier BioF.

My BF has it in his divorce decree that birthday's are alternated between him and his ex-wife. She got them last year on their birthday --- he gets them this year.

When I was young, my dad traveled alot, and we celebrated birthdays on different day. Didnt matter to me. Can see how it bothers you Sandra not to see your child on her birthday.