Why is my dil so cruel??
Serenitynot
11 years ago
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susie53_gw
11 years agomarie_ndcal
11 years agoRelated Discussions
What if anything would you say about DIL's housekeeping
Comments (39)I am a DIL and live on a farm with three kids, 7 yo, 5 yo and 14 months. I used to work full time and tried to keep up all the house work. I was major league stressed and the kids felt it. You can't enjoy your kids when you are yelling at them to pick up or getting mad because they have made yet another mess! I don't have a really clean house. I keep up on the dishes, laundry, must sweep my large kitchen floor twice a day and vacuum when needed. My DH is NOT neat. He is like having a 4th child and I tell him this all the time. He can be neat when he wants and when he gets tired of something the way it is, will clean or organize. We have a challenge with the kids and their rooms. My 5 yo DS pulls everything out of his drawers when looking for clothes to wear. My 7 yo DD throws her clean/dirty clothes and everything else on the floor and then when told to clean up, shoves it under her bed! I did not have a mother who took care of my toys and clothes. I did, if I wanted them to be around. I do not want to run around keeping everything as it was, meaning keeping track of all their things. If they want it and like it, they should take care of it. We try to teach them about respect of their things. When they are somewhere else, they have respect for others things, just not their own. I have a large veggie garden, 50 rose bushes, 3 horses, chickens, 2 dogs and cats. I can not put all my effort (and do not want to, it does not make me happy) into keeping a spotless house. I don't like dusting. But I do all the yard work, scoop dog poop so the kids can play in a clean yard and take care of all the animals. Not to mention cooking, dishes, kids baths everynight, homework, reading bedtime stories, and then their needs to be time for me!(I have not been horseback riding in over 2 months) :( When we are having company over, like my Dad, who is anal about housework and does it himself, I clean like a mad woman. Although, I don't know why because he probably still thinks it is not clean enough. This is probably how your DIL feels. Life is too short and we all need to have some fun everyday. Don't stress over things that really aren't going to matter in the long run. I would rather have my kids be happy and playing than me running around yelling at them to clean up all the time. Just had to do some venting, this is a hot spot for me as well in my own house. Sorry it is so long....See MoreHow can we show more love to our son & DIL?
Comments (24)Lisa, I can see where you are confused. When I said our youngest son "treats us wonderful", I mean he calls every night, he visits frequently, we go out to eat together, he calls when I'm sick, etc. He does things a son should do to show love. Our oldest son seldom calls us, seldom comes to visit, never knows when we've been gone a week on vacation, etc. I should have said he treats "me" wonderful. His dad rarely calls either one of our sons, until I remind him he hasn't called them in months. He doesn't even know our youngest son's home phone number. Maybe this is just a man thing, but something I'm not used to. Re: the one acre. This acre of land was given to our son strictly by me, not my DH. For years, I have asked my DH to sell this big house so we could get out of debt before retirement, and we could pay cash for a nicer/smaller home. We had this one acre to build on. He said he would NEVER build a house on that lot and to never ask him again (we had this land surveyed as two lots and this one acre is a corner lot and he doesn't like corner lots). One day when our youngest son was visiting, I said, "why don't you build on this acre and start building up equity in a home, and quit paying rent?" I was surprised when he later called me and said he did want to build on this acre. Surprised because he left our home because he couldn't get along with his dad (a combination of youth on his part and depression/anger on DH's part). I felt like I was doing something good; to help him get a start in life. I won't even go into the negative comments I have heard from my DH (my son knows nothing about these comments and never will, but I'm sure he knows his dad has said things. He doesn't need to know "words" that would hurt him that come from a mentally ill person. He even asked me not to tell him anything negative his dad said. I know his dad is happy for him, as he walks over to the land daily to see what progress is being made, and today wanted to buy him a refrigerator for his home, and that's a lot of money. (This is what depression does to you; the mood swings. I never know when he's going to have a good day or a bad day). I have learned to realize that a lot of things he says, I know he doesn't mean or doesn't realize what he is saying. I also have learned not to get hurt so much over his words and a lot of times I ignore what he says. How else would I be able to live with him so long? LOL! Re. the comment: "neither one of our sons have a good relationship with their father", that is very true! Neither one of our sons would go to their dad with any problem they have. I don't call that a "good" relationship, do you? A son can treat a parent "wonderful", and still not have a good relationship. By "good" relationship, I mean a "close" relationship. There is no doubt he loves his dad, but the closeness I have with my sons, he doesn't have this. I think this is because of his depression and the mood swings brought on by depression. Re: grandchildren. I don't think I have posted anywhere that I am "without" grandchildren. I would never deny my grandchildren. I may not get to see them much at my house, but I have a 6 yr. old granddaughter and a 15 mo. old grandson. I think you are confused as when I said "I want to build a smaller home and be a grandmother", I meant I will finally get to be a "grandmother" when my youngest son has children, to be able to paint the spare bedroom pink or blue, and put a swing set in my yard. (Of course, all this depends on my DH's behavior; and whether they can even have children. He is real close to his fiance & I see a wedding next year. She is moving to his new home as well.) Last summer we went to one of our granddaughter's ballgames and my DH was going to walk to the concession stand with her. Our DIL pitched a fit and told me "she is NEVER to go anywhere with him!" I felt this very rude, and I don't know who heard her. You could see the concession stand from where we were standing, it was very close. She asked him to go with her to get some bubble gum. In Feb. our youngest son invited me to go the circus with them, as he was taking our granddaughter to the circus. Our son said, Mom, I know you have talked so much about wanting to go to the circus, Barnum & Bailey. I said, sure. When our DIL got to his apartment with our granddaughter, she refused to speak to me! I had done nothing to her. She told our son in the parking lot before they came inside that "she wasn't told I was going". This upset me so much, I couldn't hold the tears back. She stormed in his apartment, totally ignoring me, and they left after she told our son "we will be here to pick her up". I told them "oh, there's no reason for you to have to get out at 12:00. I'll drop her off." I followed them to their car, she got in with our grandson, and I asked my oldest son, "why can't I bring her home?" He just said we'll come get her, and he got in the car and left. He seemed embarassed, and he didn't know what to say to me. He had to do what she said, regardless of who it hurt, and just left me standing there in the parking lot. Since this circus incident, I have not been to their house much. So there is more than one side to all this mess - my DH's depression and behavior and my DIL's control/anger, sometimes unwarranted by both of them, and me just going with the flow. I hope this helps clear up any confusion. I am just trying to live one day at a time, not knowing what tomorrow will bring. I am not unhappy in my marriage as someone has suggested. We have a lot of wonderful days and a lot of good times together. I am unhappy mostly because of this difficult situation and longing to be a grandmother. I just wasn't willing to "give" if they weren't going to "give", but after reading these replies, I don't feel like I have any other choice. Maybe if I give first and show them more love, they will slowly start caring more. All the replies I have received has helped me realize that unless I change myself, I am going to be missing out on a lot of closeness with my grandchildren and I would have no one to blame except myself. There are many days I get off work early and I could head toward my DIL's house. I say I have no hard feelings toward her, but I have a lot of resentment, so I just stay away. My DH works both Sats. & Suns. and I have plenty of time. p.s. I have never asked if I could take our granddaughter to McDonalds or anywhere with just the two of us because I have always felt guilty doing that behind my husband's back, as I know he would never be allowed to do this. I feel like that would be mistreating him by me doing that, so maybe I need to change my way of thinking on this....See MoreIs it cruel to separate these dogs?
Comments (14)You've learned the hard way that shelters don't always know the breed they're dealing with. Apparently they just repeated to you what they were told by the previous owners and some people who have to surrender dogs will say anything in order to make the dogs look like perfect pets. Since these dogs were not in foster homes, the shelter should have never said they didn't chase cats and were house broken. Regarding the term house broken: it doesn't mean that a dog that was house broken in the previous owners home is going to enter a new home and know exactly what to do. Dogs have to learn the routine of the new household, become bonded with the new owner, and the owner has to learn how often the pet needs to go out to empty it's bladder/bowels. That's why I said you need to start over with crate training, but since you're gone so many hours that's going to be difficult. Your dogs could have a bladder infection which is causing the frequent urination, but it's also possible they just aren't staying outside long enough to finish peeing & pooping. My guess is that after being in a crate for up to 10 hours, they're spending their time sniffing and checking out interesting odors. Just putting them outside does not guarantee they're doing their business so you need to stay with them and work on training them to go on command....... better still.......take them for a long walk. All this will be easier with one dog, but as everyone has said, you've got to want to put in the time and effort that it's going to take. You need to gain their trust but right now your frustration just adds to their confusion of what to expect. You've got to change your whole approach if you want to see results. If you return them to the shelter, be sure to give the staff an honest evaluation. That way the shelter will have a better assessment of the dogs for the next home. My guess is they were turned in for the very behaviors you're seeing......not enough training and little knowledge of the breed....See MoreWhat to do about the cruelness of your boyfriends child's mother
Comments (58)Sorry I was having a bad weekend, I didnt mean to lash out, Im just upset with the whole situation....I had no intention of harming his visitation, he has visitation set up already, he just hasnt had the chance to change it to have her come spend the summers with us for a little while. BM said to the law guardian that she wouldnt mind that, but then when I spoke to her she said that was never going to happen, that her daughter was never going to leave the state. I never said I wanted her to bring Abby to me, I want her father to see her, that's all. I do not EXPECT her to let me see Abby. I seriously was just trying to get along with her and she hurt my feelings with what she said so, I am Human, lashed out, it was a mistake and I cant take it back..... So anyway, he does have visitation, it jsut doesnt work since he isnt in the same state anymore. She also never told the courts she was moving, so when he was gone, they had a court date in the wrong county....Things have just been so tough, and I guess I just want to understand why BM is being this way. The relationship ended badly, I understand that, but it was her that cheated and gave up on him. and took his daughter away without saying why... I guess she knows thats the only way she can hurt him...and its working.....and in the process she is hurting me too. I just want to understand why she is not thinking of her daughter in all this.....Oh and about the phone calls, she doesnt have an answering machine, it just keeps ringing and ringing, and she will not give her cell phone number. Her house phone is private, and whenever she calls my husband, it is from a private number, and its not always from her home phone so she blocks her cell phoen number too, idk why, cause she gave him a fit about not having his cell phone number......Im really sorry for being a jerk on this forum... I just took it all as a personal insult and this is a very hard situation so it made me feel worse then I already felt.....I guess all I can do, is believe that God has a reason for this and that God has a plan that will work out in the end for all of us, including BM. All I care about is Abby and I just want her to know that her father and I love her very much, and Im scared of all the time we have been away from her that she will think that her father dosnt love her and he does. He donst like confrontation, like any guy, and when he ahs to fight just to talk to his daughter, it stresses him out a great deal. I know its not an excuse.... I just see what he has been through with all thsi and most of all he doesbnt want to see his daughter get hurt so he just doesnt bother calling cause he doesnt feel like fighting all the time. I just wish this whole situation was different...Things will eventually work out, just not when i want them too.........See Morescarlett2001
11 years agotxteddi
10 years agoSerenitynot
10 years agoreadinglady
10 years agoJade122
10 years agohostanista
10 years ago
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